Sweet Misery
by Psylocke75
Summary: Season Three after Prom, Merder, Maddison. Chapter 30 finnally up! She picked Derek, he picked her, but things just never seem to go right! Psycho Finn and a Pregnant Mer!
1. Right Side Of Wrong

**Chapter 1 - The Right SIde of Wrong**

It had been two days since Prom night. Dr. Meredith Grey was doing her best to avoid both Dr. Derek Shepherd and his wife Dr. Addison Montgomery Shepherd. She didn't know that the two Doctor Shepherds were avoiding each other as well. She was also not returning calls to her kind-of boyfriend/vet Dr. Finn Dandridge. Today she couldn't avoid seeing either Derek or Finn. She had gotten a message from Finn's nurse saying that Docs body was being dropped off at Derek's. She didn't expect to find both men rolling around on the ground when she showed up. At first she couldn't believe her eyes. She got out of her blue Jeep, and stood frozen; they were more wrestling then actually punching. "Seriously," she yelled as she ran over to them.

Both men stopped, Finn on top of Derek, they both turned their heads to stare at the very woman they had been arguing over, and eventually fighting over. Both men had some blood on their face and Finn was holding Derek by the collar of his shirt. "What the fuck do you think the two of you are doing? Seriously. Finn get off of him, now."

"Derek first you punch Mark for talking to me, now your fighting our vet, for what?"

"He started it."

Derek got off the ground and turned to look at the younger man, "Whatever, you started it."

"I don't care who started it, seriously Derek you're a fucking Neurologist, and Finn did you think beating up my ex-boyfriend was the way to my heart!"

Both men looked away guiltily; the fight hadn't been completely about her. Derek had arranged for Doc's body to be dropped off on his day off, but the nurse failed to mention it would be the Vet himself doing the task. Derek was a little surprised when Finn showed up at his doorstep. "So this is where the Brain Surgeon lives, quaint."

"I like to call it home, Mer always seem to like it," Derek said smugly.

"Where's your wife?"

"Work."

"So I brought Doc."

"Yah that's what I thought, I dug a place out back near the woods for him."

"An old guy like you should be careful of exerting themselves physically. What are you like 40, 41?"

"39 and I'm probably in as good of shape as you are, if not better."

"Seriously, you think so. I jog and do weights everyday, how about you."

Derek made a face as he turned away from the vet. Ok so he didn't workout everyday. He tried to use the gym at the hospital whenever he could, but he did eat right all the time, he had started drinking a little more over the last 8 months or so, since him and Meredith had stopped, stopped being Derek and Meredith. "Hey I am a Neurosurgeon, one of the best on both coasts, I'm a real doctor," Derek said smugly.

That must have done it, because that's when Finn shoved him. "Now were pushing." Derek pushed back. That had been only a few minutes before Meredith had showed up. No real punches had been exchanged, a lot of pushing, face shoving, just general rough housing.

Meredith stormed over to the two men. "Where's Doc?"

"In the crate, in the back of my pickup."

Meredith walked over to Finn's old Chevy pickup and looked at the crate or casket as she wanted to think of it. She turned to look at the two men who were arranging their clothes and dusting dirt off their clothes. "Well, are you two going to come over here and carry this, I am only one small woman, I can do a lot of things, but this isn't one of them."

Both men walked over to the truck. They didn't speak but each grabbed an end and carried it to the spot Derek had dug that morning. They placed the casket inside the small hole.

Meredith turned to Finn, "I think this is something me and Derek need to do ourselves. I promise I'll call you tonight." She didn't feel right kissing him in front of Derek, so she gently patted his arm and then turned from him, dismissing his presence all together.

Finn didn't say anything else, he turned and left and didn't look back.

Both Doctors stood starring into the small grave, neither one saying anything for the longest time. Derek looked up and watched the sun stream down and cast a warm glow around Meredith and the breeze gently blew her hair around.

"Meredith," Derek started.

"Derek I don't want to talk about any of this. I have done a good job of ignoring you so far this week, but I don't want to talk about the prom."

"I think we should."

"No, I'm holding on by a thread, I have barely slept, and before you think its because of you, it's not, I have a grieving roommate at home, who I have been trying comfort, I have a best friend who is freaking out inside over her boyfriend being shot but won't let anyone know that she's freaking out, I have more people then I know what to do with in my home, and ok a little of my anxiety might be because I am afraid that a tall pissed of red head might came after me and try and scratch my eyeballs out because I fucked her husband."

Derek was silent, he nodded. They both stood silently and turned back to the grave. "I'm going to get a small headstone, is there anything you want special on it?"

"No, just that he'll be missed," Meredith felt the tears well up again, but she felt guilty about them, she wasn't sure if they were for Doc, the dog that was to help her forget the man standing next to her, or for the fact besides work there was nothing else between her and Derek. They couldn't be friends, they tried that, and it failed. Doc was the only thing holding them together and now he was gone. Meredith didn't know when the tears she was fighting to hold back began to spill out and down her face, then Derek was there wrapping his arms around her, and she cried harder.

Neither Derek nor Meredith knew who started kissing who first. Before they knew it lips were pressed against each other and hands were roaming. As the kiss deepened Meredith blocked out a voice, a voice that surprisingly sounded a lot like Izzie, which told her what she was doing, was wrong, that he was married. The voice echoed in her brain, but it was forgotten when Derek lifted her hips. She wrapped her long legs around his waist. She hadn't realized they moved until she felt the sun warmed metal of Derek's trailer against her back. They continued to kiss and grope at each other. Some how he managed to pull himself away from her long enough to give her enough space to remove her tanned chords, and to remove his own jeans. Meredith again wrapped her legs around Derek's waist, but this time there was no clothes acting as a barrier. He entered her in one quick movement. Meredith gasped at the feel of him inside of her. No other man had made her feel more satisfied, and she knew no man ever would again.Derek slowly lowered her to the ground when they had finished. She turned her back to him and quickly grabbed her jeans, Derek moved a little slower, never taking his off of her. "Well that was unexpected," she said trying to sound casual.

"I'd say."

"I've got to get home to Izz, I said I wouldn't be gone too long, she'll get suspicious."

"Meredith," Derek reached for her.

She tried to shrug him off, but he pulled her into his arms. "We'll figure this out," he whispered as he pressed his lips to the top of her head.

"How?"

"I don't know yet, I know, but I just don't know how to do it."

Meredith pulled away, "We'll just stay away from me until you do."


	2. Two Sparrows In a Hurricane

**Chapter 2 – Two Sparrows in a Hurricane**

Meredith drove home in a daze; she hadn't even realized where she was until she pulled up outside her house. She was expecting to come home to a quite house, where she could gather her wits and figure out what she was doing.

When she opened the door she could here loud dance music coming from the kitchen. She walked into the kitchen and her mouth hit the floor. All the cupboards doors were open and all the contents were sitting either on the counter, kitchen table or floor, or in the middle of it, still in her pajama's, was Izzie. Meredith turned around slowly taking in Hurricane Isobelle.

Izzie didn't even hear Meredith come on, she just sat at on the floor starring blankly at the blind mess she had created. She jumped up when the radio was turned off. "Mer," she said in a horse dry whisper.

"Oh Iz," Meredith said stepping over mixing bowls.

"I'm so sorry Mer."

"What are you sorry for, I'm the one that left you here, and said I wouldn't be gone long?"

"No it was me, after you told me you had to go out, well I realized I was hungry and I came down," she started to cry, "when I open the cupboards I thought they were messy and I just wanted to straighten up."

Meredith stepped over more dishes and wrapped her arms around her friend. "It's ok, It's going to be okay," as Meredith whispered those reassuring phrases to the tall blonde, she wasn't completely sure if she was saying them to Izzie or to herself.

"How about we finish cleaning up, together, and then get you into a nice hot bath."

Izzie nodded and tried smiling. "It's okay Izzie, one day at a time."

The roommates put all the food and the dishes away, only changing a few cupboards around to totally confuse George. When they were done Meredith ran the bubble bath she promised for Izzie.

As Izzie soaked and tried not to think of Denny, Meredith laid on the end of her bed thinking about Derek.

She knew she loved him, and that she always would. She had told Derek the truth back last November that if hadn't tried to make it work with Addison, then he wouldn't have been the man she thought he was, the man she fell in love with. She knew he was a good man, he was just stuck in a no win situation. It would have been easier if Addison was a bad person, but she wasn't, she was too perfect.

Meredith didn't know how long she lay starring at the ceiling contemplating her situation; she barely heard her cell phone ring. She answered it without looking at her call display.

"Hello."

"Mer," it was Derek.

"I thought I told you to stay away from me."

"You're there, I'm here. So technically I'm not near you," he chuckled softly

"Ok, you got me there."

"I wish I had you here," Derek's voice took on a husky seductive tone.

"Wasn't there enough having done today, no more having," Meredith stated.

"I didn't plan on that."

"Obviously."

"Mer talk to me, tell me what I'm doing, what we're doing."

"You're playing with fire, and I'm having a dirty affair with my married boss."

"I know I just wish I could feel the way about life like I did when we were together."

"It could have been, but you picked her, not me."

"I hate myself for that."

"You had to try."

There was a small pause before Derek said, "How long are you suppose to try for."

"I don't know, but what we're doing isn't helping."

"What are we doing?" he asked.

"Having incredible, unplanned, unprotected sex."

"Is that all it is to you?"

"No," she whispered

"I love you."

"I…Derek if I say it, it makes it real, and if it's real then I'm going to get hurt again."

"It is real Mer, I want you, I want to be with you. I want to eat muslix at that little kitchen table in the kitchen, while George and Izzie make jokes, and you wearing that damn ratty Dartmouth shirt that makes me hotter then any piece of sexy lingerie you own."

"I don't own sex lingerie."

They both laughed. "I'm going to do it Mer, as soon as I can. I'm going to see a lawyer, there's just some tricky financial stuff, and that's making it tricky."

"You think she'll steal the trailer."

"God no, but there's the condo in New York, the house in the Hamptons, and the clinic in Manhattan."

"That does sound like a lot."

"I love you Mer, tell me you love me."

"No," she said quickly, "I mean I do, but I want to wait to say those words, and when I do, I am never going to stop saying them."

"God I hope so."

"Bye Derek."

"Bye Mer, I'll see you at work."

She flipped her phone shut and continued to lie starring at the ceiling. She almost forgot about Izzie and her bath, until she heard her voice outside the door, "What about Finn."

Meredith jumped up, "Iz," she found Izzie sitting outside her door, wrapped in the large fuzzy pink towel that George refused to use,

"I guess you heard that?" Meredith asked

"Enough of it," Izzie shook her head.

"Do you hate me now?"

"No." Izzie said firmly.

"But you think I'm a bad person?"

"No."

"What are you thinking?" she sank to the floor next to Izzie.

"I'm thinking that you're hurting to and maybe that you're thinking with only your heart and not your head, but also I'm thinking that the one man I thought I could spend forever with is dead, and I'm never getting a second chance with him. You maybe able to get your second chance with McDreamie."

"You know what I think," Meredith laid her head on Izzie's bare should, "I think you the best friend ever."

"So how's the sex this time?"

"You did hear a lot," Meredith chuckled.

"Enough, but I haven't sex since Alex, and I don't know if I'll ever be ready to go down that road again, with anyone. So give me a few details."

"Why not ask George and Callie for details?" Meredith asked

"Ewwwwwwwwww."

"Christina?"

"Burkes our boss."

"So is Derek."

"Ya but Derek is McDreamie, we didn't Mc Burke."

"We could."

"No, we can't," Izzie said.

"No we can't" Meredith agreed.

"So what about Finn?"

"He's a real nice guy, but he's not Derek. I caught them fighting today, can you believe it."

"Fighting, Fighting?"

"Yah, I mean not like when Derek punch McSteamie, but the whole face shoving and pushing thing."

"That's childish." Izzie stated as she wrinkled her nose.

"I know." Meredith was now finding humor in the situation. All she could picture was the two men's faces when she told them to stop; they had looked like two guilty children.

"Sounds like something Alex would do."

"He does care about you."

"Does he?" Izzie asked skeptically.

"Iz he stayed here all Prom night, on my couch, and he was here all last night, until I kicked him out."

"Hmmmm."

"Ya hmmmm, something for you to think about." Meredith stood up and offered her hand down to Izzie, "Why don't you put on some clean pajamas and we can channel surf all afternoon, until George gets home."

"Think Springer's on?" Izzie asked as she arranged her towel.

"Feel like watching some people more screwed up then us?"

"Oh yah!"


	3. Damned

Chapter 3 -Damned

**Damned if you love me  
Damned if you don't  
It's getting harder holding on, but i can't let you go  
Damned if you don't need me  
Damned if you do  
God, i wish it wasn't me standin' in these shoes  
**-Bon Jovi

Derek sat on the front deck of the trailer for nearly an hour after he hung up the phone from talking to Meredith. He didn't know what he was going to do. He had told Meredith the truth, he had to see a lawyer, he had some financial interests that he had to see to, but that wasn't the reason he was confused. He did still love Addison, but the love was more the kind you share for a dear friend, a friend that knows you better then you know yourself. The love he felt for Meredith was an all consuming kind that if and when it ends there's nothing left, and that's how he felt every time and he and Meredith weren't together. He guessed the love for Addison was the safer more practical, more mature love, but he didn't want to play it safe.

He didn't know how to tell Addison it was over. The last two days he didn't know how to talk to Addison at all. He was sure Addison knew something that had happen on the night of the prom, but he didn't think she knew all of it. He had bared his soul to Meredith and had gotten carried away by the intensity of his feelings for her and her feelings for him.

Life seemed so much simpler in New York, at least he thought so. He knew he had been preoccupied with his clinic in Manhattan. Things had gotten a little out of hand when three years ago Addison had wanted a baby, and they tried, they tried for over a year. But things didn't work out. They had gone to a specialist who ran all the tests and they found out Addison wasn't able to have a baby. She had gone into a depression and Derek started working longer hours and became distant. He knew that must have been the time Mark entered the picture.

Mark had always been around. He and Derek had been best friends since first year pre-med. Derek always had a feeling that Mark had wanted Addison, but Derek beat him to her. Mark had never had a long term relationship with anyone woman, there was always something wrong with them. Derek guessed that it was because they weren't Addison. He now wondered if he did end it with Addison, like he promised Meredith, if she would stay in Seattle or would she go back to New York, back to Mark. It bothered him less and less, thinking about Addison and Mark. If he could make her happy then Derek would be okay with it, but something must have been missing if she had left Mark to come find him in Seattle.

Seattle had seemed like the perfect answer to all Derek's problems. Richard had been wooing him for over a year before Derek had caught Mark and Addison in bed. Derek just closed up his clinic and flew to Seattle, without even knowing if the job was still open. His old teacher welcomed him, and hired him almost immediately. It was almost too good to be true. Then the night he signed his contract, his world changed. He met a drunk, thin blonde with haunting gray-blue eyes, who smelled like lavender. Derek's world had been spinning ever since.

More times then he wanted to count had he been jealous over Meredith. A patient kissed her, and he got jealous. He wanted to hit every guy she flirted with at Joe's. Even when Mark flirted with her, and Mark naturally flirted with any female in a 5 mile radius, he saw red. When she slept with George and he could barely keep his breakfast down, and then she started to date their vet, and that led to several jealous rages, including the stupid fight he and Finn had this morning.

Derek had to laugh at himself, god what that must have looked like when Meredith drove up. Two grown, professional men wrestling on the ground, the whole thing was childish. He had not expected Finn to show up with Doc. He was a little shocked, a little angry. Since he had Meredith, Derek had discovered parts of his own personality that he didn't even recognize.

Maybe he needed to get away for a bit. He could maybe go on a fly fishing trip to Montana or something like that. He needed to be by himself, and think things through. He had lots of vacation time coming, maybe it was time to cash in on a few weeks of that. He hated the thought of just leaving, but maybe it was what he needed. He would have to talk to Richard, but he just didn't want to tell his mentor why he needed to leave.

He flipped his phone open and dialed the hospital. "It's Doctor Shepard; does Dr. Webber have time for me to come see him tomorrow?"

"Lets see Dr. Shepard, he has a meeting with the board of directors all morning and a surgery scheduled after that, but after that he's free, if we don't have any emergencies tomorrow, and depending on your surgery schedule," she laughed a little.

"That's fine; just let him know I need to see him when I can."

"I will let him know Dr. Shepard."

Derek closed the phone, and leaned back in his patio chair. He knew he had paper work to do, but he didn't want to do it, he almost felt like a child not wanting to do his homework. He loved his job at Seattle Grace; it was more personal rewarding then his private clinic, where he helped only those who had enough money to afford him. Here in Seattle he saw a variety of cases and even some Pro Bono work on occasion. He also liked the fact that he was teaching future surgeons. "We'll if my interns have to do their homework, guess I have to." He thought to himself. He got up and went into the trailer to work.

Addison left work reluctantly; she didn't want to go home to the small trailer and have to feel uncomfortable around her husband. She didn't know what to say to him, and she didn't know what she wanted him to say to her. Part of her wanted to keep trying on her marriage, but another part of her wanted Derek to confess to him and Meredith so the three of them could get on with their lives. She wasn't stupid, she knew both Derek and Meredith had tried to move on, but there was just something between the two of them that just wouldn't die.

Addison drove around for almost an hour before she decided it was time to go home and try and pretend that everything in her marriage was okay. The only other time she could remember being so out of sorts was when she found out that she couldn't have a baby. That had sent her into a depression, the more she withdrew from everything, the more Derek had buried himself in work, and eventually they became two strangers living in the same house.

Somehow Mark had breeched her defenses. He had always flirted with her, but Mark naturally flirted with every female, so she never took it serious. Then one night Mark had stopped by to see how she was doing, and she had broken down and cried for hours in his arms. When she had stopped crying Mark had told her that he loved her from the first minute he saw her in year one Gross Anatomy, but Derek had seen her first and asked her out first, and there was no way he could do tell her after that.

They hadn't become lovers that night; it wasn't until almost three months later that they slept together. For the next few months they had seen each other on a regular basis. Derek had no idea what had been going on between the two of them. Addison had felt guilty at times, but she just blamed Derek, and it seemed to get her by. She would never forget Derek's face when he walked into their bedroom in their Central Park Condo. He just stood there, and there was a blank emotionless look on his face. He just closed the door and walked out. Addison hadn't seen him again until she showed up in Seattle.

.Addison had truly thought she was happy with Mark the only communication she had gotten from Derek was a message on her voice mail at work stating that he had taken a job in Seattle and not to bother getting in contact with him. She really didn't want to see Derek. Her father talked her into getting divorce papers. The day they showed up from her family's lawyer, she had called Derek several times to ask where she should have them delivered to. Derek had just ignored her messages. Then that night she got a call from Richard asking her to consult on a case and that Derek was involved with one of his first year interns. She did not know what possessed her but she was on the next flight to Seattle.

She had been surprised to see Derek in the front lobby with his intern. She had wanted to run back to New York with her tail between her legs. Instead she put her shoulders back and walked right over to Derek. She didn't even know what possessed her to say what she did to Meredith, but she would never forget saying them, "I'm Addison Shepherd, and you must be the woman screwing my husband." In that instant she saw all of Meredith Grey's hopes and dreams die. Obviously Derek hadn't told the girl that he was married.

Addison never considered herself to be a mean spirited person, in fact she had a reputation at the hospital in New York as being a softy, but she was actually happy at first to see Meredith and Derek hurting. She felt elation every time she would do say something to make the two lovers uncomfortable. Then Derek picked her, and she had to see the intern with the broken heart everyday. She felt bad when she realized that it wasn't just a fling. Derek and Meredith had honestly loved each other, and she had destroyed that.

Karma was a bitch, and now Addison was getting hers. She knew Meredith had told her the truth when she told Addison that her and Derek were not sleeping together, but now she had to wonder what Meredith Grey would say if she asked her now. When Derek came back from checking on his "patient" during the prom something was different. Addison had left with the chief, but she had doubled back and checked the rooms on that floor for anything, something to tell her what had happen. There was one unlocked exam room, and one the floor in that room was a pair of extra small blank lace panties. Those panties were now wrapped in a tissue and were in the bottom of Addison's purse. She didn't know why she grabbed them and kept them, she just did.

Now here she was driving around in Lexus trying to avoid spending anytime with her cheating husband. She could see a light on inside the trailer when she did eventually end up driving home, which meant Derek was home. She took a deep breath and put on her game face.

Derek was sitting at the small table with his laptop. He looked up from his paperwork and smiled, "Addi," he greeted. Addison took careful note of the glass of scotch next to the computer and the open bottle on the counter.

"How many have you had tonight?"

"A couple."

Addison nodded and continues into the small bedroom. She dropped her briefcase onto the chair a kicked her shoes off. She hated that Derek had started drinking more often, before, when they were in New York, he would have a scotch now and again, but now it seemed he either had a beer or a scotch in his hand when he was not on call. It wasn't flattering that your husband had to drink to be near you.

Addison never understood the attraction to alcohol, she really couldn't recall a time she had drank too much. She liked the occasional glass of wine with a nice meal, but that was about it. She grew up in a household where wine was appreciated for its flavor and value, as was brandy. She supposed that was just on of the differences between her and Derek's backgrounds.

"How was your day?" Derek called out to her.

'So we're going to pretend,' she thought to herself.

"Fine, I had a small meeting with Chief today."

"Oh," Derek half turned in his chair to look at Addison. "About what?"

"Dr. Stephens, he met with the lawyers, and there looks like there won't be any charges against the hospital, Denny had made Izzy his next of Kin about a week ago, but he doesn't know if she will come back to the surgical program, but he asked me if I would be interest in taking her into the neo-natal program. She showed real promise with the quints. With Izzy being gone, they're taking Karev away from me."

"Oh so now the obnoxious frat boy is mine to to torture again."

"You have never tortures an intern you're too soft on them Derek."

"No more then you are Addi, with the exception of Karev."

"He called me Gyno-Wench, so I was just trying live up to his expectation of me."

Addison moved around the small room, she pulled out an over sized t-shirt from a drawer. "So what did you do today?"

"Buried Doc."

"Oh did you have to go get him?" she asked.

"No, Dr. Dandridge brought him," Derek turned back to his computer.

"Oh so Finn was here?"

"Ya and so was Meredith."

"They were here together?" She asked.

"Yup," Derek paused, "I ordered a small headstone from that pet place. I buried him by the woods, where it meets the lake."

"Doc loved it there," She whispered.

"Yes he did."

"Is that all you did today."

"Well the hole took me most of the morning and early afternoon, and I did try go fishing, but I didn't catch anything."

"I'm going to go take a shower, and read for a bit."

"I'll be in when I'm done." He began typing.

Addison closed the pocket door. She sat down at the end of the bed. 'Damn you Derek." She thought to herself.


	4. Another Day In Paradise

**Chapter 4 – Another Day in Paradise**

Meredith starred almost blindly at her locker; she had barely slept the night before. All she could think about was Derek, and how finally they we're going to be together, but again there was this little voice in her head, this one sounding a lot like her mother, that kept telling her that he hadn't left Addison yet, he still could change his mind, nothing was final. Unfortunately the voice hadn't turned off when she got up for work.

She drove in alone; George was given the day off. The schedule was made so each Intern would have a separate day off, Meredith had an idea that it was done on purpose, so somebody would be available to be with Izzie. Alex had the next day, and Christina the day after that. Izzie had cried a few more times during the night, but she did spend the majority of the night downstairs with Meredith, George, and Alex. The two girls laughed hysterically when George had gone into the kitchen and came storming back out, "Who rearranged all the cupboards, not fair, that's just mean!" He just stared at the two girls as they held their stomachs.

Meredith didn't even realize that she was just standing there, starring into her locker, until Christina came into the change room. She stopped inches from Meredith. "Is there something interesting in there or are you still asleep?"

Meredith shook her head, snapping herself out of her comatose state. "Sorry Christina, I was just thinking?"

"Thinking about what," Christina walked to her locker and banged it open.

Meredith finished tying her long hair up. "Stuff, just random stuff. You didn't come by last night."

"No I had to clean, Burke Is being discharged tomorrow, and he's like a big anal clean fanatic. What stuff?"

"Stuff," Meredith closed her locker, "So Burke is being discharged, and that's good."

"He still shaking, but he has high hopes for this physical therapy that Dr. Shepherd is sending him too," Christina paused as she studied Meredith. "This stuff is McDreamie stuff; you flinched when I said Shepherd."

"I did not." Meredith closed her locker and turned to look at Christina.

"You're hiding something from me, I will find out." Christina closed her locker.

"You're being paranoid."

"Says you, I know you to well Meredith."

Meredith walked out of the change room. "I'm not continuing this conversation."

"If I get you a bottle of Tequila tonight, you'll spill."

"There's nothing to spill."

They approached Baily who stood near one of the nurses station, Alex was leaning against it. "Ok you two, we have a busy day, hope your day off was rewarding Grey?"

"Yes, Dr. Baily."

"Ok Karev your with Dr. Shepherd, Grey your with the new guy covering Cardio, Dr. Roberts, and Yang you get to stay with me." Baily handed them their case files.

Christina turned to look at Meredith, "I will find out."

"Yang, stop talking to Grey and get the hell over here."

Meredith cocked her head to the side and gave Christina a childish little smirk.

Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy

Meredith had just finished going over patient with Dr. Roberts when her pager went off, it was home. The doctor looked at her, puzzled. "I'm sorry that was just my roommates, they just probably just can't find something in a cupboard."

"Isn't Dr. Stephens one of your roommates?"

"Yes Dr. Roberts."

"Maybe you should give a call home, it could be something important. I understand that she was Denny Duquette's," the doctor paused, "Well her and Mr. Duquette were a couple."

Meredith nodded and headed to the nearest nurses station to call. George answered. "What's wrong, you paged me."

"Izzie just got a call; the funeral is on Friday. She's all freaked out that she's going alone, and I can't calm her down."

"Put her on."

"Izzie honey, are you ok."

"No Mer I'm not ok, they're putting him into the ground, into the ground Mer. I can't do it alone." Her voice was frantic, and sounded like she was crying.

"You won't be going alone."

"You all have to work, and I have to go alone."

Meredith ran her hands through her hair. "Iz honey I want you to calm down. I talked to Christina this morning, and Burkes getting discharged tomorrow, I will find out if he's going to go, he was Denny's doctor, and I am sure Burke would go with you."

"You think Burke would do that?" Izzie's voice was a little less frantic.

"Of course, he's your friend. "

"Ok Mer, sorry to bother you at work. Any good cases?"

"Izzie."

"Ok, I'll let you go."

"Put George back on."

"Hey Mer," it was George.

"I fixed that one, now just keep her calm, and make cookies or something."

"I would, but I can't find anything in the cupboards and Izzie laughs every time I go into the wrong one."

Meredith chuckled, "Bye George."

Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy

When Meredith had a chance that morning she went to Burke's room. He was sitting up in bed reading. "Hey Dr. Burke."

"Hello Grey, have you been assigned to my case?"

"No, I'm between cases and decided to see how you're doing. I'm actually working with Dr. Roberts."

"How's he doing?"

"He's not you, but I'm sure he is capable."

"Good."

"Dr. Burke I need to ask you a favor?"

"Oh, and what would that favor be Grey."

"Denny's funeral is on Friday, and I was hoping you could maybe go with Izzie."

Burke sat there nodding , "I was wondering if I would be out in time to go, yes Grey I will go with Izzie, how's she doing?"

"Not bad considering everything. She still cries a lot, but under the circumstance that's normal, I've never had anyone I love die on me, so I'm not positive."

Meredith smiled a little; it was weird being in a hospital room with your boss as the patient. Derek and Alex entered the room. This was the first time Meredith had seen Derek since they had sex up against his trailer. The annoying voice that sounded like her mother was back. 'Don't loose it now, keep calm, act professional.'

"Dr. Shepherd," she smiled the best she could, "Ok Dr. Burke, I will let Izzy know."

She scurried out of the room as fast as she could. Before she got too far down the hall she heard a familiar "Hey."

She turned around and saw Derek coming after her. "Hey," she echoed, trying not to sound too worked up.

"You okay?"

"Better then ok, I'm perfect," she turned to leave.

He reached out and touched her arm, "You don't want to look at me?"

"I can look at you," she looked at him, but didn't look him in the face, she couldn't look into those electrifying blue eyes, they were her down fall every time.

"Mer, come on, you sounded fine on the phone."

"Izzie knows."

"She knows, knows?"

"She knows." Meredith looked up.

"How?" he asked.

"She heard my end of the conversation."

"Is she mad?"

"No, she said this is my second chance, and that I should do it, because she's not getting hers. Is this our second chance Derek?"

"I hope so Mer, I want to do what's right, for everyone!"

Meredith nodded, "I have patients Dr. Shepherd, and so do you."

"I'll see you later then?"

"You'll see me," she walked away, and didn't look back, afraid she would become a pile of jello if she did.

Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy

Both Burke and Karev were starring at Derek when he walked back into the room.

"What?"

"Nothing Shep," Burke said. "I wondered when things with you and Grey were going to start back up."

"Me and Dr. Grey are friends. I'm married"

Alex laughed despite himself. Derek turned and gave him a dirty look, "Look dude you're fooling yourself there, there was nothing "friend" like in the looks you two give each other."

"Karev I really don't think this is something you should be talking to your attending with." Derek warned.

"Whatever, but you look at Meredith the same stupid sappy way that I look at Izzie with, and trust me it has nothing to do with friendship."

"I'll agree with Karev, you're wearing your heart on your sleeve. I know I have no business talking to you about it, but her best friend is my girlfriend, so I know the heartache that Grey has gone through over you. I believe if you hurt her again, she might not bounce back."

"Ok you two, can we get back to work, and stop discussing my love life."

Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy

Derek tried not to let what Karev and Burke said bother him, but it did. He hadn't realized that his feelings for Meredith we're so obvious. He knew time was running out on him, he had to talk to Addison; he had to tell her it was over, but it wasn't easy ending a 15 year relationship, especially one that was filled with so many ups and downs. No matter how many times he had tried in the last few months to forget what he had with Meredith, he couldn't. He should have gone back to New York with Addison, and then maybe there would have been a chance. The thought of not seeing Meredith everyday felt like death to him, if that wasn't love he had no clue what love is.

He had managed not to see Meredith for the rest of the morning, or early afternoon. He also hadn't run into Addison at all either. At 3 o'clock he was paged by Dr. Webber. Derek was in-between surgeries, so it was his ideal time to see the chief.

"Thanks for finding time for me Richard," Derek took a seat in front of Dr. Webbers desk.

"No a problem Shep, but I needed to talk to you anyways, actually I need to talk to all the department heads," Dr. Webber sat down.

"Really, problem with the board of directors."

"Nothing I couldn't handle, they are impressed with most of the departments, including Nero and Neo-Natal, you and Addison have really been a god send to this hospital."

Derek shifted uncomfortably in his seat at the mention of Addison's name. "The boards also mentioned a few of our shortcomings, and that was plastics," Richard paused. Derek didn't like where the meeting was going, he was a neurologist and had nothing to do with plastic surgery. "If we can expand our plastics division we would be the top hospital on the west coast. The board has been wooing some very impressive surgeons, and their top choice has accepted." Derek did not need to hear anymore. He closed his eyes and let a deep breath. "When are we to be joined by Dr. Sloan?"

"Next week, but the board is throwing him a reception at the Yacht club next Saturday and they told me ALL department heads will be expected to be there, including you and Addison."

"Of course Richard, I will be on my best behavior."

"And no matter how much he deserves it, no punching him."

Derek chuckled, "So Shep what was it YOU needed to talk to me about."

"I wanted to cash in some vacation time."

"Addi and you planning a trip?"

"No. Just me."

"Talk to me Derek, what's going on. I heard about Addison's scene last week, and I've heard the rumors that you never stopped seeing Meredith Grey."

"Oh god Richard, my life is so complicated, that's why I wanted to take a few weeks to sort through a few things."

"Derek I understand what you're going through more then you think. Do you have any idea why I left Seattle for New York," Richard paused. "I had an affair with another Resident when I was doing my residency here." Derek sat forward, intrigued by this confession of his mentor. "It went on for a long time, too long. She even told her husband about it, and he left her, she was free, but I was too scared to leave Adele, too scared and too stupid. I thought I was doing the right thing, staying with my wife. That's also when I started drinking; it was so hard working with a woman I loved so much, but not being able to be with her, that alcohol was the only thing that seemed to help. My wife told me on Saturday that she knew the whole damn time, 27 years she's known, and just tells me this now. "

"To let you know Richard, I did stop seeing Meredith, I've tried not to love her, not to want her, but I can't. She makes me insane, I wished it was Addison that I felt this way about, but its not."

"I felt the same way about her mother."

Derek's mouth opened a bit in shock. The chief, his mentor, had been in love with Ellis Grey, Meredith's mother. "That's why you wanted me to consult on Dr. Grey's case, because you once loved her."

"Love her Derek; I have never stopped loving Ellis. The thought of her like she is, breaks my heart."

"Does Meredith know?" Derek asked.

"Yes, I guess her mother was caught in one of her flash backs, and gave Meredith a whole bunch of details."

"Oh."

"So Derek I know where you are coming from and I hope when you get back that you can work through this mess, but I am not letting you go until this reception for Mark Sloan, that Sunday your on two weeks leave."

Derek stood up. "Thank You Chief, and thanks for confiding in me. What is it with those Grey women?"

"I wish I knew."

Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy

Meredith had just gotten out of surgery when Derek paged her to one of the on call rooms. The door was unlocked and she slipped in, locking the door behind her, not taking any chances of being seen alone in the Hospital with Derek. He was pacing the small room; he looked like a caged tiger. "Oh Jesus I didn't think I would get out of surgery before you, and catch you before you left."

"Derek what is it, did you talk to Addison?"

"No, I haven't seen her all day."

"What is it," Meredith felt a little let down.

"I booked a meeting with the Chief today, and when I get there, he drops this news on me, and you will never believe it."

Meredith sat down on the edge of the bed. "What? He's retiring and wants you to take over?"

"No, this isn't good news."

"He found out about prom and you're fired?"

Derek gave her annoyed look, "I don't like guessing games, you know that, just tell me Derek."

"Mark is the new head of plastics."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. My ex-best friend is coming to Seattle." Derek sat next to her.

"So maybe its time to fix your friendship?"

Derek stared at Meredith's profile. "He slept with my wife."

"Ok, and aren't you cheating on her right now?" Meredith stood up, "Derek what do you want me to say. Maybe this is good, maybe Addison and Mark will get back together, and then we can move on," Meredith began pacing the small room.

"It's not just about Addison. He was like a brother and he betrayed me, he had no problem crawling into my bed when I wasn't there. Maybe when he gets here, it won't be about Addison, maybe he'll find something else of mine he wants."

"You better not be talking about me."

Derek stood up. Meredith stopped pacing. "I don't know what I'm talking about. You don't get me and Mark's friendship. We always had this fierce competition in med school, I never realized for him it was in everything, not just grades."

"Well Derek I can't tell you to mend or not mend your friendship with Mcsteamie," Meredith paused; she had not meant to let her, Christina's and Izzie's nickname out.

"Mcsteamie? You Mc'ed him?"

"I didn't do it alone, Christina and Izzie were there, Izzie wanted to McYummy him, and I was single at the time, and I had just met him, and he was suturing his own face."

"Who else have you Mc'ed?"

"Are you jealous?" She stepped closer to him, "You're the only McDreamie."

Derek took a deep breath, her scent of Lavender washed over him. "You're trying to distract me from my rant about Mark, and you nicknaming him."

Meredith leaned closer in and flicked her hair, "Is it working?" Derek grabbed her waist and pulled her hard into his body. "God yes," he murmured before his lips captured her's.

Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy Grey'sAnatomy

Christina was changing at her locker when Meredith entered the locker room. She turned to look at Meredith, "So I have to go to a funeral on my day off, and I hear you're the one to thank."

Meredith opened her locker. "Christina. It's for Izzie."

"I know, I just don't do the funeral thing well," Christina turned back to her locker and grabbed her boots from the bottom and sat down on the bench to put them on. "So Burke told me at lunch that you and McDreamie are back on, so I was right this morning?"

"I and Derek are just friends."

Christina finished zipping up her last boot and walked over to Meredith. She looked at her. "Tell me the last time you had sex?"

Meredith turned away from Christina. She felt a blush spread across her cheeks. "Whatever."

"You had sex." Christina hissed.

"Yes, like a hundred times since I was seventeen." The sarcasm dripped from Meredith's lips.

Christina walked around to the side of Meredith. She watched Meredith's face as she said, "no like recently."

"Go away."

"No Mer, I'm like your best friend, or so you say when you're drunk, and you're my person, I'm your person, now tell me."

Meredith turned to Christina, and said hissed, "fine, yes me and him have had sex. O.k.?"

"When?"

"Prom, yesterday and half and hour ago."

"Seriously?" Christina asked as she sat down on the bench across from Meredith.

"Seriously, and now, I'm the fucking dirty mistress. Happy?" Meredith sat next to Christina.

"Is he leaving her?"

"He says so."

"Do you believe him?"

"I want to," Meredith said wistfully.

"But you don't." Christina stated.

"But I don't." Meredith echoed.


	5. Everybody Hurts

Sorry everyone, my computer crashed and I haven't been able to update…. please keep the reviews coming!

**Chapter 5 - Everybody Hurts**

**'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.  
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand.  
****Hold on.  
Don't throw your hand.  
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not** **alone**

**-REM**

Meredith felt emotionally drained by the time she reached home. After talking to Christina she sat in her jeep and cried. She had become a person she swore she would never become and that was a dirty mistress. She had to ask herself if she was much different then her mother. Her mother had been a dirty mistress, climbing in and out of on calls rooms with Dr. Webber. Had Dr.Webber also promised her mother that he would leave his wife, given time?

Meredith wanted to believe Derek, but she had believed him last time and he strung her along and then broke her. Would he do the same now? She had told Christina the truth when she said she couldn't trust him. Was it possible to start new with someone you don't trust, could trust be rebuilt through time?

She didn't have time to dwell on the thoughts, when she parked her jeep she notices Finn's Pickup parked a few spots down. She swore under her breath, grabbed her purse and slowly strolled over to him. She knew this was totally her fault, she should have dealt with Finn sooner, but she felt bad and guilty. She stopped by the front bumper of his truck. He hoped out, the usual boyish sparkle was no longer in his eyes, if anything he looked angry. He closed his door and leaned and against it. "Hey," Meredith said just slightly above a whisper.

"Thought you were going to call?"

"I'm sorry bout that," Meredith wrapped her arms around herself. "You know with Izzie and work."

"Oh," an uncomfortable silence descended over the two. Finn pushed himself off of his truck and stood up straight, "Meri what's going on, I thought you were happy, and wanted to be a part of my plans?"

"I did, I really did, but I'm just a lot more Scary and Damaged then we both thought.

"You think that makes it all better, that is pretty lame Meri, to use my own words against me."

"What else do you want me to say, do you want me to apologize, we'll I'm sorry Finn, I'm sorry that I can't be with you, I'm sorry that I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend, I'm sorry I have a high stress job, I'm sorry my roommates fiancé died, anything else you want me to apologize for, like I'm sorry that I'm like my mother, tell me Finn, what can I apologize for that would make this not hurt you?"

She turned her back and tried to walk away from him, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back. Meredith swung around, "No don't touch me," she hissed.

"Fine, just go, but what about his wife? Have you thought of that, or are you just that selfish?"

"You have no clue what you're talking about."

"Hey I may not be a surgeon like you and your friends, but I'm not stupid, I saw the looks at the Prom. I have to wonder what would have happened if Callie hadn't come and saved your ass."

"I think you need to leave now Finn," she warned, "I don't think there's anything else for you to say to me."

"Fine I'll go but what are you going to do when he breaks you again?"

"Bye Finn." She ran up the stairs of her house and didn't look back.

When Meredith entered the house Izzie, George and Callie all stood in the hall starring at her. "What?" she asked harshly.

"Nothing, its just he's been out there for like over an hour, it was getting weird," stated George.

0"I know I'm not part of you're family," Callie said as they all walked into the living room.

"Oh Callie don't feel that way," George said all supportive,

"Let me finish George. I know I'm not part of you're family, and I know I probably shouldn't say this, but is that about you and Shepherd in the exam room, because I'm pretty sure we all know about it."

"No Callie its ok, and yes its some what about Derek, and that I couldn't hurt an another innocent person with my Derek, Meredith, Addison triangle, or I mean rectangle I guess, Dr. Sloan is joining us at Seattle Grace as new head of plastics."

Izzie sat up from the couch she had flopped on, "Seriously, how did you find this out?"

"What's going on, I heard this, but who's Dr. Sloan."

"Oh god," George said.

"Oh Callie, he's the guy Addison cheated on Derek with back in New York. We call him McSteamy, he's hot!" Izzie said. "How did you find out Mer?"

"They told Derek today, it sent him off into a pissy mood."

"So Addison cheated on him first?" Callie asked.

"Oh ya, you missed all that months ago Cal," George stated.

"So maybe this is a good thing," Izzie said. "Maybe Addison and McSteamy will get together again?"

Meredith sat on the couch next to Izzie. "It doesn't matter, he's still married, and I'm the bad person here."


	6. What Happened to Us?

**Chapter 6 - What Happened To Us?**

What happened to us?  
we used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely  
what happened to us?  
and deep inside i wonder, did i lose my only?  
-Hoobastank

It was late by the time Derek pulled up in front of the trailer. Addison's car was parked out front, but no lights were on inside the trailer, which meant Addison had already gone to bed. Derek quietly opened the door and placed his briefcase on the small table inside. He thought about having a scotch to help him sleep but changed his mind knowing how it upset Addison. He walked into the small bedroom and stripped down to his boxers. He laid down on his side of the bed, next to Addison sleeping form. He laid on his back starring at the ceiling. He didn't know how long he laid there before Addison rolled over.  
"You worked late," she stated.

"Yes I did."

"Did Richard talk to you today?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yes he did."

"Are you mad?"

Derek paused he wasn't sure how to answer that question. He was shocked when he heard about Mark, and a little pissed off. He wasn't sure anymore if he had the right to be angry at Mark. He was no better then Addison, Derek was now the adulterer. "I'm not sure," he finally answered. Silence again filled the small trailer for several minutes.

"Derek?"

"Yes Addi?"

"Do you think," she started to ask but hesitatated, "Do you think if we had a baby things would have turned out different?"

Derek tensed, he really didn't want to talk about that, or anything with their relationship in the middle of the night, while they laid in bed.

"Addi do we have to do this now?" He asked.

"Derek when else I'm I suppose to do this. I have barely seen you in the last week! It's like you have been somewhere else. Where have you been?"

"I've been here Addi, I haven't gone anywhere."

It was a long moment before she said, "Now who's the passive aggressive one."

Derek almost leaped out of the bed, and hit the light switch. Bright light filled the small room, causing both of them to pause with the blindness from it."Fine Addi you want to do this now, lets do this," his breathing almost seemed laboured, his face was angry. "I tried, I tried so hard, but I can't do this anymore," his voice had a hard edge to it.

Addison sat up. She couldn't believe he was going to do it, he was going to end their 12 year marriage. Her stomach felt like it was going to jump out of her mouth if she said anything. One part of her was relieved that he was going to do it, but another part was hoping this was a bad dream and she would wake up and Derek would snuggled up to the back of her, sleeping peacefully.

"I'm seeing a lawyer," he said as he grabbed his jeans from the floor and pulled them on.

"Is that really necessary?" she asked quietly.

"What and have your brother and father ruin me. I don't think so Addi."

"That is not fair, the other papers were fair. You're just using that as an excuse. You're the one walking away, again!" Her voice raised in anger.

"What, you happy living this way? You ok with the fact that your husband is in love with another woman?" He asked as he put his shirt back on.

"So admit it. It's because of Meredith Grey?"

"Fine, yes. I want to be with Meredith." He sat down on the edge of the bed and put his shoes on. "Addi this isn't fair to any of us."

"So what you expect me to watch you walk off into the sunset with your intern?"

"No I don't. I don't want to hurt you anymore." He stood up. "Just to let you know but I'm going away after that fucking joke of a reception for Mark."

"Where are you going?"

"Does it really matter, I'm just taking some vacation time for two weeks."

"Does she know?"

"No, besides Richard, you're the only one I've told."

"Look I have an early surgery, so I'm gonna go stay at one of the on call rooms." He stood up to leave.

"Derek, please this doesn't feel right. I still love you." Tears rolled down her pale cheeks.

Derek walked over to her and picked up her hand, "Please Addi you know I will always love you, you're my family and always will be, but if you look deep down you will see this is best for everyone. That spark isn't there anymore Addi, and I can't keep lying to myself that its gonna come back, someway, some how. It's not fair." Derek let her hand go, he walked out of the small trailer only stopping to pickup his briefcase from the small table.

**GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA**

Derek had every intention of going straight to the hospital, but instead found himself stopping outside Meredith's house. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed her number. The phone rang several times. "Hello," came her hoarse whisper.

"Did I wake you?" he asked.

"Derek? What time is it?"

"12.30."

"Oh I think I was sleeping. I ate way to many cupcakes." she half groaned.

"I gather Izzie baked today?"

"Its the friggin hostess warehouse in my kitchen. Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Where are you?"

"Going to the hospital," he lied.

"Emergency?"

"No, I need a place to sleep."

"Seriously?" Her voice sunded more alert.

"Seriously."

"How did she take it?"

"She's upset. It's not everyday that your husband tells you he's in love with someone else."

"Oh."

"Meredith I lied, I'm parked out front of your house."

"Do you want to come in?" She asked.

"No."

"Do you want me to come out?"

"Do you want to come out?"

"Yes."

Meredith flipped her phone shut and threw a thick sweater over her p.j's and slipped her running shoes on her feet. She quietly let the house. Derek was parked in the same spot Finn had been earlier. She slipped into the passenger seat. "Hey."

"Hey," he repeated.

"So you told her."

"I told her."

"Now what?" Meredith asked.

Derek leaned over and kissed her deeply. He then pulled back with a satisfied look on his face. "I love you Mer."

"So you keep telling me."

"Would you understand if I wanted to downplay us for a little while, just till the divorce is final?" he asked.

Meredith didn't know what to say. She kept quiet and let him finish talking. "You know the rumor mill at the hospital, and she doesn't deserve to be hurt more by this."

"Oh and it's not like people aren't going to be calling me the dirty whore."

"I hate when you use that word Mer, I have never thought of you that way. I am so sorry that I gave you any indication of that when I saw you with the Vet. I just think if we can play it cool, when the time is right we can tell the Chief and go on with our life together."

"So I have to see you everyday, but pretend that you're just my boss?"

"I'm making that easier, I'm going away for a few weeks."

"Where?" Meredith sat up and stared into his eyes.

"Fishing."

"For how long."

"I leave for 2 weeks next Sunday. It could be less, but by then the divorce papers should be done, and then its me and you Mer."

"So what am I suppose to do while you're gone?" She asked, practically pouting.

"Knit." he said with a little humour.

"Ha, ha, you're funny Dr. Shepherd."

Their eyes locked. "Do you want to stay here tonight?"

"Yes," he stated softly, "But I'm not. I got to try and be good." he leaned over and kissed her softly.

"Ok, I guess I'll go in a find my wool."

He smiled. "I'll see you in a few hours Dr. Grey."

"Good Night Dr. Shepherd," she leaned over and kissed him again.


	7. Save Me

**I don't own any of Grey's, in up coming chapters there will be new people that are mine, but this is all Shonda's.**

**Sorry it took so long, got a full time job now and writing has had to take back burner. But keep the reviews coming, thanks for all of them, and like three weeks till season 3! The dialouge is important in these parts so i have concentrated on that, but more description in some of the upcoming juicier chapters.**

**Chp 7 Save Me**

**Save me  
From the selfishness that keeps me far from you  
Hold me  
'til i know i hear You say  
You're not looking for perfection  
Just a willingness is fine  
You will always have my attention  
You just wanna hear me say  
Save me  
-Everlife**

Meredith slept soundly when she laid her head down. She felt like a weight was lift off of her shoulders. She didn't really like the fact that Derek was leaving but she understood his need to get away, or at least she told herself she understood. She wanted to be supportive for him, but all she could think about how they were finally going to be together.

When she woke up in the morning and entered the kitchen George was already up making coffee. He was starring intently at the coffee maker as it dripped into the glass pot. "Hey George," Meredith said as she reached for her travel mug in the cupboard.

"Morning," George barely looked up. "hey do you think Betty Crocker is safe to leave alone today?"

"Yes, I think she'll be fine, plus she won't be alone I think Alex is going to come by and spend time with her this morning."

"Do you think we can trust Alex?" He stood up and looked over to Meredith, who was adding cream to her mug.

"George," Meredith scolded "Seriously, Alex has been great."

"I guess," he said almost childishly.

"Alex is part of our family, forget he gave you syph or whatever reason you dislike him, he's family." Meredith said as she filled her cup up.

"Fine."

"Let's go to work." Meredith started out the door.

George filled up his mug and followed her out the door.

Two hours after Meredith and George left for the hospital Alex showed up at the front door of the house dressed in his jogging clothes. He rang the door bell several times before Izzie came down to answer the door. She slowly descended the stairs, dressed in her Curious George P.J's and with a severe case of bed head. "What are you doing here this early, its like what, seven," she shuffled off to the kitchen, not looking back at Alex who followed her.

"I'm taking you jogging, so go upstairs have a shower, get on a pair of sweat pants and running shoes, and get back down here."

"Seriously?" she asked as she dumped the cold coffee out into the sink.

"Seriously. So you got like 20 minutes and then I'm coming up there to get you," he said.

Izzie glared at Alex, but reluctantly made her way up the stairs. In no less then 15 minutes Izzie was coming down the stairs in a pair of black jogging pants with a pink strip, a black t-shirt and a pink zip up hoody. Her hair was neatly pulled back into a high ponytail.

"Was that so hard?" Alex asked.

She rolled her eyes, "You have no idea. I'd rather be watching TV," she grumbled.

"Hey I'm not about to sit back and watch the ex-model turn into a couch potato. You can't sit around all day watching Springer and eating cupcakes."

"Says you," she said as she walked out the door into the fresh air.

They jogged for about half an hour before they got to the park. They slowed their pace down and began strolling the paths. Neither said anything for a longtime. It was Izzie who finally said, "Thank You Alex."

"For what?" He asked.

"Being my friend," she said as she watched the sun stream through the heavy branches of the trees.

"You're welcome Iz," he paused for a moment. "Can I ask you something?"

"I guess, I don't know if I'll answer."

"Are you mad?"

"Mad, about what?" she stopped walking and turned to look at Alex.

"I don't know," he said nonchalant, "maybe because you fell in love and he died."

"People die Alex, we're Doctors, we see it everyday."

Alex knew Izzie was still in a type of denial, and really had not dealt with her grief. He had seen her cry numerous times since Denny died, but she wasn't really dealing with the grief. At least she wasn't laughing like she did when Meredith had nearly died. Alex decided to push her a little further. "So you're okay with he fact that your fiance died on the same day he proposed?" He began to jog away from Izzie.

Izzie at first stared after him, but the decided to defend her emotions and followed him yelling "Hey."

When she caught up to him she grabbed a hold of his sleeve to stop him. "That was uncalled for. You really can be Evilspawn when you want to be."

She turned to walk away, but then turned back. "Mad," she scoffed, "Mad, why would I be mad or angry, I'm never angry, I'm the happiest person I know. I'm just not the type to get angry," she ranted as she started to pace. Alex just watched her, he knew that he got her brain spinning. Her face was tense, like she was thinking of something she didn't like. "Who would I be mad at, just because I risked my career to get him to live, I don't have a job, for the first time in my life I don't have a job. Oh and let's not forget if it wasn't for me, Burke would not have been shot, and well his career could be over because I had to cut the damn LVAD wire," her voice was getting loud and almost hysterical.

Alex didn't stop her, he knew she needed to vent and get mad so she could eventually accept Denny's death and move on with her life, and maybe one day find her way back to Alex. Alex had hated Denny with every fibre in his body, he still felt like the heart patient had stole Izzy, even if they weren't a real couple, but Izzie was the only woman Alex had truly loved.

"I am so not mad," she continued on. "Seriously Alex, now you have made me..." her voice trailed off.

"You made me angry. Oh my god Alex, I found the man I could have spent my life with and he's gone and never coming back."

Alex lead Izzie to a near by bench. They sat down, tears slowly ran down her pale face. "It's not fair Alex, he was a good man."

"I know Iz," he wrapped an arm around her. "You did everything you could."

"But it wasn't enough, my best wasn't enough. I wasn't there, I went home to change, had I not left I could have saved him, I removed a clot before!"

They sat on the bench for a long time neither one saying anything, Izzie cried and Alex stroked her hair. Finally she pulled away, wiping the last of her tears on the back of her hand. She smiled awkwardly at Alex. "I guess we should head back." She said folding her hands in her lap and starring at them. Alex placed his hand on top of hers.

"Feeling any better?" he asked

"Yes and no, but thank you Alex," she slipped her hands out from his and stood up. "I guess we should head back."

They jogged back to the house, neither one talking. When they reached the house Izzie invited Alex in for some breakfast. "I'll just go up and cleaned up then I'll make something for us to eat," she smiled at Alex and then walked up the stairs.

Just before she reached the top Alex called out to her, "I love you Izzie Stephens."

She stopped dead in her tracks , and turned around a walked down the stairs towards Alex. "What did you say?" she asked.

"I said I love you."

Izzie struck out and slapped him hard across the face. "Get out of my house," she said calmly.

"Iz," Alex started to say, but was cut off.

"No. You leave, because I don't want to see you again." Izzie didn't look back she ran up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door behind her.

**GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA**

Two hours later Izzie was marching through the corridors of Seattle Grace looking for her roommates and Christina. She had to tell someone what Alex had said. She tried to ignore it and not dwell on it, she grew angrier and angrier when she thought about it. He had no right to tell her he loved her. What kind of self respecting person tells someone, the day before their fiance funeral, that they love them. No one, well obviously no one didn't include Alex Karev.

Izzie ignored any of the hospital staff that stopped to stare at the tall blonde as she swiftly looked down corridors for any sign of the interns, even the locker room was empty. She decided to try the basement where they usually hung out when not on duty, someone had to show up there eventually.

She was just about to take the stairs when she ran into Addison. "Dr. Stephens, Izzie," Addison said, genuinely surprised to see Izzie in the hospital.

"Dr. Shepherd, umm hi. Have you seen any of the other interns, you know Christina, George or Meredith."

Addison paused for a second, she bit back the comment to say that Izzie should look under her husband for Meredith. Instead she decided to be nice, "No not since rounds this morning."

"Thank you." Izzie turned to walk away,

"Izzie, can I talk to you before you go."

Izzie stopped and turned back around. She didn't like being this close to Addison knowing that Meredith and Derek were having an affair. It was easy not to think about Addison in the whole when Izzie couldn't see her, but being close to her and alone made Izzie very uncomfortable. "Sure Dr. Shepherd," Izzie took a deep breath.

"I'm not sure if you have made any decisions about coming back yet, I know it hasn't been that long since..."Addison's voice trailed off for a second. "Well when your ready to come back I would love to have you in NeoNatal, that is if you feel that you can't go back to surgery."

Izzie was a little surprised that Addison Shepherd was asking her to come work for her. Izzie wasn't sure how to respond, if it wasn't for the whole Meredith, Mcdreamy thing she would seriously think about it, but there was no way she could work for the wife of the man her best friend was having sex with, seriously uncomfortable, but before Izzie could say anything Addison continued, "Oh and if it would be a problem working with your roommate's ex-boyfriends wife, don't worry about it. Derek and I..." again Addison was lost for words. Izzie felt bad for her, she knew what the tall red head was going to tell her.

"Dr. Shepherd are you going to be ok?"

"Thank you Izzie, just you're the first person I've told. I would really like it if you called me Addison. I haven't made any decisions on if I should change my name or not. I've been Dr. Shepherd for almost 12 years."

"Ok Addison. I'll think about your offer, I'm still not sure what I want to do yet." Izzie said seriously.

"If you need to talk I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere." Addison said firmly. She touched Izzie's shoulder and walked away from the blonde.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith was in surgery with Derek while Izzie was talking to Addison. Neither Derek nor Meredith mentioned his and Addison's divorce or their future. They did catch each others eyes over the opened skull cap several times. The only thing Meredith said to each other as they scrubbed up afterwards was, "Good work Dr. Shepherd."

"Thank you Dr. Grey."

They walked out together only to run into Addison. Both stopped smiling at each other when they saw Addison standing there. "Dr. Grey," Addison said formerly. Meredith could barley say the words, "Yes," she paused because she wasn't sure how to address Addison.

"Izzie is here, somewhere looking for you and the other two interns, Yang and O'Malley."

"Izzie's here." Meredith was expecting a lot of things to come over Addison's lips but that was not one of them.

"Yes I saw here about 15 minutes ago."

"Thank You," Meredith said as she hurried away.

"Derek," Addison turned back to Derek who still at the nurses station going over the patients chart he just operated on. "I packed my things this morning."

"You could of stayed."

"No."

"You hated the trailer." Derek stated.

"I hated the trailer. Does she know?"

"Who? Meredith."

"Yes Meredith. Unless there's another woman your sleeping with." She said bitterly.

Derek flipped the chart closed, "That's uncalled for Addi."

"So is you walking away from our marriage."

"I thought we went over this last night, I tried, and you know I did."

"No if you had tried, you would have come back to New York when I wanted you to, months ago."

"Addi please don't make this worse then already is. We have to work together, that's not going to work if your going to say things like that all the time."

"Give me a break Derek, our marriage of nearly 12 years has just ended, I'm entitled to some bitter comments. Get over yourself for once and let me have my moment for once. It's not all about you and Meredith Grey. Other people in this hospital have emotions too." Addison turned and marched down the hall the best she could in 3 inch heels.

**GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA**

Meredith went to find George and Christina first, only because she knew where they were. She found George in the pit where he was sent for the morning. He was suturing a little girl when Meredith found him. "Anna this is Dr. Grey," George said to the scared little girl.

"Hi Anna, you have a cut on your head. Dr. O'Malley is going to fix that for you."

"My brother says that if I don't get the stitches, my brains will fall out. I don't want my brains to fall out!"

"Your brains aren't going to fall out honey," George said with a little chuckle. He knew what is was like to be the younger sibling and have your older brothers tell you stupid things just to make you scared.

George stitched the little girl as Meredith held her small hand. When George was done they both walked the little girl out to her frightened mother. "So Mer why you looking for me."

"Izzie's here."

"What, why? Is Alex with her?"

"I don't know, Addison told me and I have no clue where she is, maybe the basement, which would make sense."

"The pit is quiet right now, lets go."

"I should find Christina."

"Why?"

"Because if this is like a crisis she is the best to handle it."

"Ok, I think she's running labs."

"I'll get her George, you go find Izzie."

**GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA**

When Meredith and Christina reached the basement. George was sitting ona gurney and Izzie was pacing frantically. "She won't tell me anything, she wanted you two here as well."

"Only because I don't want to have to repeat this more then once, because it's fucking unbelievable."

The two women sat next to George. "Izzie what is it?"

"He told me he loved me."

"Denny?" Christina asked.

"No fucking evil spawn, this morning, he told me he loved me, can you believe that?"

"Well yes. I can, maybe the timing was a little off." Meredith said.

"The timing was off Mer, the timing was way off!" Izzie yelled. "My...Denny is not even in the ground, and he's telling me he loved me. What an ass, I think working for Addison, hey wait," Izzie stopped and walked towards Meredith. "Were you going to tell anyone that McDreamy and the wife are getting divorced?"

"What?" Christina almost yelled and jumped off the gurney.

Meredith looked at her three friends. "I just found out late last night. It really hasn't sunk in, and well I don't think they wanted people to know. Did Addison tell you?"

"Well ya." Izzie said.

"When do we count as people in the McDreamy saga Mer?" Christina asked.

"Again I just found out, and he's leaving for vacation next week to get away, and he asked me to play it cool until the divorce is final. I thought this was about Izzie and Alex, not me and Derek?"

Izzie started pacing again, "Will someone stop her, shes taking the finish off the floor," George said.

Meredith jumped off her gurney and grabbed Izzie's arms. "Iz, is it so bad knowing that Alex loved you, I mean I think when you fell for Denny you hurt Alex."

"Seriously, Mer are you taking his side again?"

"No, but I think he loved you when it was sex only, and I really think that your the only woman he's ever felt that way about, and maybe he doesn't know how to deal with it."

"Your taking his side."

"Izzie stop it." Christina yelled. "Look we have Denny's funeral tommorrow, me, you and Burke. We going to go, your going to cry and be sad and I'm going to let you cry on my shoulder, because I have to, cause your my friend, and then you going to finish greiving eventually, maybe not for a while but your going to get on with your life, and is it so bad that when you do get on with your life that there's a guy out there that loves you. Does that sound so bad?" Christina sat back on her gurney.

Izzie stopped pacing, she looked at her three friends. "No. But I told Alex never to come back."

Meredith laughed, "He'll be back. If he doesn't then Christina will kick his ass."

"Why am I kicking Evil Spawns ass, why don't you?"

"I'm not kicking anyones ass, I'm worried that a tall red head is still going to kick mine."

"You and Dr. She-Shepherd in a cat fight, thats hot." George said. All three woman gave him a dirty look, "Ok maybe not that hot."


	8. After The Love Has Gone

Sorry this chapter is so short but was needed. I was going to write Dennys funeral next, but I want to get back to Mer and Der and I'm dying to get McSteamy to Seattle...so it will be recapped in the following chapter but not actually written.

**Chapter 8-After The Love Has Gone**

**Somethin happened along the way  
Oh yesterday was all we had  
And oh after the love has gone  
How could you lead me on  
And not let me stay around  
Oh oh oh after the love has gone  
What used to be right is wrong  
Can love thats lost be found  
-Earth, Wind and Fire**

Derek arrived home late that night. He had been putting off going back to an empty trailer. He had debated on staying at the hospital again, but knowing Meredith was way too much temptation. He also didn't need to add any fuel to rumour mill fire at Seattle Grace.

After he was done checking on all his patients, he stayed in his closet of an office for another hour or so to finish up his days paper work. When that was done there was really nothing to do but go home. He stopped to say bye to Meredith, and did very good at resisting the urge to kiss her goodnight. He thought about stopping at Joe's for a Scotch but thought better of it, and decided to face the inevitable.

Derek wasn't surprised to find the trailer looked as if it had been ransacked. His fishing gear was pushed out of the way on the porch, and when he went inside it was no different. His clothes and personal items were strewn around the small room. Addison must have packed quickly and hadn't given any thought to Derek's possessions.

He dropped his briefcase on the counter and started with his fishing gear out front, and then worked his way to the back. He picked up a few of his discarded jackets and started to hang them up. When his left hand was reaching up he caught site of his wedding ring, still on his left hand. The jackets fell from his grip and landed on the floor. For the first time his mind started to comprehend that his marriage was truly over. No more birthday's together where Addison would try and cook him something for breakfast and end up burning it, or flipping through the Scottish catalogue for that perfect gift for his mom at Christmas, none of that would ever happen again. Derek didn't notice he had sunk to his knees and silent tears were starting to roll down his face.

Derek didn't regret his decision to end the marriage, but he did need to grieve for it. He had no clue how long he sat on his knees at the foot of his closet, but eventually his tears stopped and he began to breath normally. He stood up and slid his wedding ring off his finger. He placed it in a box in his dresser where he had kept it secret all those months when he first arrived in Seattle.

* * *

Addison sat in her empty hotel room alone. She was wearing a pink bathrobe and her long dark red hair lay wet against the collar. She had been through a long hard day that began too early that morning. She had packed her things soon after Derek had left the trailer, not wanting to spend another moment in that tin can. She had checked into the hotel in the middle of the night. She hadn't slept at all, and was a the hospital by 6 that morning. She had already been there for several hours before she had run into Izzie. After she told Izzie about her and Derek she had gone to Richard and told him. He didn't seemed overly surprised, but he was happy that she was staying for at least the rest of contract. She wasn't sure if the rest of the Seattle grace staff would be happy that she was staying, but they had no choice. She had debated all day on calling Mark and giving him heads up on in Seattle, but she decided that he deserved to be coming in blind, seeing how he never called to tell her he was moving to Seattle.

She reached for her purse and pulled out a small change purse. She opened it up and dumped her Engagement ring and Wedding Band out onto her palm. She stared at them for the longest time, playing with the option of flushing them down the drain. They represented something that had died long before Meredith Grey or Mark Sloan. She picked up the engagement ring and looked at it by itself. She still remembered the day that Derek gave it to her. They both had been interns and she knew Derek didn't have a lot of money at the time, but none the less it was the most romantic night of her young life. They had taken the ferry over to Stanton Island. Derek took her to this hot dog cart for dinner. Derek had claimed they were the best Hot Dogs on the planet, and he was right. Addison wasn't a large connoisseur of the Hot dog, but she knew they were the best she ever had.

After they ate they walked the pier and sat on a bench and talked about anything and everything, no matter how stupid it was. Then they took the Ferry back to New York. On that ride back he got down on his one knee and told her he loved her and that his life without her was nothing. Then he pulled the ring out. She knew instantly that he must have saved every penny he had to be able to afford such a beautiful ring. She had cried and said yes immeditaly. She would always treasure that memory, as she would always treasure the ring. She slipped them back into the change purse and made a mental note to add them to her safety deposit back.


	9. Bad Day

**Chapter 9-Bad Day**

**Sometimes the system goes on the blink  
And the whole thing turns out wrong  
You might not make it back and you know  
That you could be well oh that strong  
And I'm not wrong**  
-**Daniel Powter**

"Seriously Alex," Meredith said as she closed her locker the morning of Denny's funeral.

Alex turned to look at Meredith. "Oh like you should be giving any criticism in the love department," he closed his locker with a loud bang. George sat on the bench starring at the two as they talked over top of him.

"Hey that's not fair, plus in case you hadn't heard Addison moved out of the trailer."

"He tell her about the exam room quickly or did she find out on her own."

"Not funny," Meredith often felt like hitting Alex, and that moment was no exception.

"I know, I know I was an ass for telling Iz OK, I've beat myself up a hundred times over it, I don't need it from you," Alex said.

"Sorry but Denny's not even in the ground yet."

"OK Grey I got it, I know bad timing and now I've lost her."

"Maybe not," Meredith said.

"What do you mean?" Alex asked as he stepped over the bench.

"Well she felt something, because if she didn't care she wouldn't have come down here yesterday all pissy, just to tell me, George and Christina what you said."

"You said it yourself, she's pissed." Alex leaned against the locker next to Meredith's.

"Well Alex something my little triangle of whatever taught me is that there's a fine line between love and hate, I know it's a cliche."

"And Def Leppard Song," George pipped in. The two other interns turned and looked at him sternly.

"Just give her sometime," Meredith continued, "Eventually she might be glad someone loves her."

"Wow that's deep Grey, being a dirty Mistress has sure softened you."

"Hey I'm the only Allie you got in my house, so I'd be nice."

"Fine."

"Thank You."

"OK," Bailey said as she entered the locker room, "Karev Dr. Roberts, George your with me today, and Grey your in the pit this morning, and then I need labs done this afternoon. Come on people." Bailey turned to leave.

"Dr. Bailey you can't be serious." Meredith said.

"Are you questioning me Dr. Grey," Bailey turned and gave Meredith a hard cold look.

"No Ma'am, but I was wondering if these are hoops again or is there something I did wrong?"

"Is there any reason why I should pull out hoops for you to jump Grey?" Bailey rested her left hand on her hip and looked up at Meredith in her Nazi way.

"No."

"OK then, get your ass to the pit."

"OK."

* * *

Meredith didn't get to see Derek all morning with being in the pit, but she did get to see him while she was doing labs. She was waiting by the elevator when he walked up to her. He didn't look like he slept well the night before. "You alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine, late night, she left the trailer in a mess."

The doors to the elevator doors opened and they entered. Two nurses were in there. As he pressed his floor she noticed that his wedding band was gone.

A part of Meredith questioned whether or not she should feel happy or sad. It was a good sign that the marriage was over, but she it was still partially her fault, and every time she thought that a knot formed in her stomach.

"Oh I sent flowers to the funeral home this morning."

"That was nice of you."

"I didn't know him, but I know Izzie and well I thought i should."

"I'm sure she'll appreciate it," the doors opened and the two nurses stepped out.

"I have an appointment with my lawyer tonight," Derek said as the doors closed.

"Oh, OK."

"Are you alright Mer."

"Sure, I'm just feeling like the guilty dirty mistress."

"Why? This is not your fault. It was over years before I met you. No one's been saying anything to you have they."

"Nothing directly, you hear the whisperers, you feel the eyes. Hell I must have done something else to be stuck in the pit and run labs like a first day intern."

"I'm so sorry Mer."

"It's OK, the price I have to pay."

"I don't want you to, that why we need to to keep things professional right now."

The doors to the elevator opened to Meredith's floor. "I know Dr. Shepherd, trust me I get it," Meredith said as she made her escape down the hall. She didn't know why it annoyed her so much when he mentioned being colleges only until his divorce was final, but something in her felt like that little abandoned girl again.

By three that afternoon Meredith figured she was having a bad day. She again was waiting for the elevator when Addison came up beside her. "Dr Grey, Meredith," Addison said in her cool clipped manner.

"Addison," Meredith replied.

"I was at Denny Duquette's funeral today."

"Oh, Derek sent flowers," she didn't know why she said that. She looked up at Addison and she just raised a brow at her. How Meredith wish the floor would open up and swallow her whole. "I mean he told me he sent flowers, but from him, not us, because there is no us. Me and George sent flowers, but not as an us either, because I broke him and he's with Callie, and I guess he should have sent flowers with Callie, not me." She shut her mouth before she started to say anything more stupid.

"Well thank you for the update on who sent flowers from the hospital Dr. Grey."

"You're welcome Dr. uh?"

"Shepherd, your familiar with the name, and I'm still legally married."

Meredith subconsciously lowered her eyes to Addison's left hand and took note of the missing wedding rings. "I'm gonna take the stairs," she quickly said and ran off down the hall.

* * *

Meredith was so happy when 6 came around, after 36 hours she was free. She just wanted out of the hospital and away from anything connected to Derek or Addison Shepherd, she needed a rest from it. She did want to get home to Izzie and make sure she was OK. George was also done for the night. "Hey have yo heard anything." she asked him as they walked out to the jeep.

"Ya, Burke called, him and Christina were staying with Izzie and something about dinner, I sent Callie over at 4 to scope it out."

"Oh, OK. My house and I have no clue whats going on."

"Hey my house too."

"My mother owns it."

"Ya but your mom thinks I'm your dad," George said as he got in the passenger side.

"Don't remind me," Meredith said as she closed her door.

When they arrived home Izzie was laying on the couch with her head in Christina's lap, which was odd for Meredith to see, but they both looked calm. Burke was in the kitchen giving Callie orders on the cooking. He looked odd in his black dress pants, dress shirt, his sling and one of Izzie's aprons. "Dr. Burke," Meredith said as she walked in the kitchen.

"Grey, wonderful your home, we're having stir fry."

"Aw but I was looking forward to three day old cold pizza," Meredith said as she reached for a slice of carrot.

"Hey Callie, is he giving you a cooking lesson?" Meredith asked.

"She doesn't need any lessons, she doing wonderful," Burke said, as he past her some spices.

"Hi, Meredith, you don't mind." Callie said taking the bottle from Burke.

"We'll if you only cook when Dr. Burke's here then ya," Meredith smiled and walked into the living room.

"You too look cozy," she said to her friends.

"I'm being comforting," was Christina's response tight response.

"Hey you," Meredith knelt down to look at Izzie.

"Hey," she said not moving.

"How was it?"

"It was a funeral. I didn't laugh, that was a first."

"Good, anything else?" Meredith still felt bad that she couldn't be there.

"I met his step mom and younger half brother, they were nice. I have to call his lawyers office Monday, he has something for me."

"OK, do you know what?"

"No, but I'll find out."

"OK. That all?" Meredith reached out her hand and swept a wayward curl from Izzie's face.

"Addison came. It was weird, I think this is her recruiting technique, she still could be Satan."

"No she's not Satan." Meredith stood up.

"Oh OK."

"You can like her Izzie. I'm not the mistress anymore, were simply colleges, professional."

Christina laughed, "Hey don't laugh, it's all he says. It's driving me buggy, Mcjackass." Meredith flopped down on the other couch.

"Neither one is wearing their wedding rings, and he says he's seeing his lawyer tonight."

Izzie sat up, "That's a good sign."

"I know, now I wait, again."

"You think he's going to change his mind?" Izzie asked.

"No, but something always goes wrong."

"Jesus Meredith," Christina said as she stood up. "It's a divorce they can be messy, just give him time."

"When did you start defending him, your my person."

"No your my person remember, and I just don't want you to stress yourself out. You want stress, Burke's parents are coming into town this weekend. I don't do parents, ever."

"Have you ever been in love before Burke?" Meredith asked.

"Shut up Mer." Christina sat back down, sulking.


	10. Things Are Looking Up

Chapter 10 - Things Are Looking Up

Mark Sloan surveyed his half empty apartment, the rest of things were being moved out to Seattle in the morning, to a storage container until he found a place to live. His flight was booked for next Thursday night, so he could get settled before he started work on the following Monday. He had to wonder if Addison or Derek had been told about his arrival. He hadn't heard a thing from either, which he didn't like. He had no clue what he was walking into there, and he wished he knew. He debated on calling Addison to see how she was, but he hung up on the first ring. He thought about calling his fellow ex-dirty mistress to get details from her, but he didn't like the idea of using Grey. He genuinely liked her, which was rare, there was very few women in the world that he liked as people and not simply as woman, Addison was also in the category.

"Karev." Mark said out load. He knew that little kiss-ass of an intern would tell him whatever he wanted. Mark settled into one of the last chairs in his apartment and dialed Seattle Grace to see if he was working. He got through to the surgical floor where a female nurse answered the phone, "Hi, who's this." he asked.

"This is Olivia," said the perky voice on the other end of the line.

"Hi Olivia, this is Dr. Sloan, I'm going to be the new head of plastics."

"Hi, Dr. Sloan," the voice on the other side picked up a slightly sexy tone to it. Obviously this nurse remembered him from his visit.

"Olivia could you tell me if Alex Karev is on duty?"

"Dr. Karev, yes, I'll page Alex for you, can you hold the line."

Mark smiled slightly as he waited on the line for Alex. It was a few minutes before he came on the line.

"Dr.Karev here," he said in a professional manner, but slightly out of breath. Mark knew he must have ran all the way to the phone when he found out who wanted to talk to him.

"Karev, Dr. Sloan here. Can you spare a moment."

"Ya sure, I'm between patients." Mark knew he was probably lying.

"Good, Um you do know I am coming up there next week."

"Oh ya that's all anyone can talk about."

"Really, so everyone knows?" Mark wasn't sure if Alex was kissing ass or was serious.

"Ya for sure, everyone is real excited."

"Good, but I needed some information, and I was hoping you could help." Mark fidgeted with the arm of the chair as he stared out a window at the Manhattan sky line.

"Whatever I can do."

"That's what I thought. How are things up there, anything going on?" Mark didn't want to ask directly, but he thought Karev might figure it out.

"Like with She Shepherd, He-Shepherd and Meredith."

"Yes, how is all that."

"Oh man I gotta say the She-Shepherd can be a bitch from hell if you piss her off."

"Ya, don't ever cross her, she'll eat you alive."

"Tell me about it. Man I did something, and she just wouldn't let me forget it."

"Anything else?" Mark was feeling frustrated, he didn't know if Karev was playing stupid, or if he actually was.

"Do want the short version or the long."

"Whatever you have time for man."

"Well Mer started dating this vet, and Shepherd went all jealous rage on her, and then the She-Shepherd told him off about it in front of the hospital. Then at the Prom."

Mark interrupted. "Prom?"

"Things they do at this whack-job of hospital to make patients happy is unreal, the Chief's niece is dying and she missed her prom, so the chief arranged one."

"OK so what happened at the Prom."

"Meredith and Shepherd had a little private exam in one of the exam rooms. If you know what I mean."

"Oh, and how did the aftermath of that go."

"I believe the She-Shepherd moved out of the trailer."

"Seriously?" Mark asked.

"Ya Seriously."

"So where are things with Grey and Derek?"

"Limbo kind of. I don't know, they seem like they're trying to take it slow. Wait until his divorce is final, but I have a feeling that won't last long, no with those two."

"I can see that. Well hey thanks Alex, I just didn't want to come in blind to what is happening."

"You thinking about catching back up with the She-Shepherd?" Alex asked.

"You'll just have to wait and see my-friend."

"I guess well see you next week."

"That you will." Mark closed his phone and sat back in his chair.

He had agreed to come to Seattle for one reason, to fix his relationship with either Derek or Addison, and it looks like he was going to get both. He almost felt giddy at the thought of Addison being single. He had missed her, he had tried to get over her after his last trip to Seattle, but it hadn't worked. No matter how many beautiful woman he had dated and slept with, it hadn't mattered, it was still Addison as it had been the moment he saw her in pre-med.

He was little mad, that she hadn't called to tell him, but she was probably still hurting from the separation. Mark walked over to his laptop that was still set up and got on the directory for hotels in Seattle, he had a plan.


	11. Waiting Room

**Chapter 11-WAITING ROOM**

If we both want the love  
And I wait long enough  
Then the ground that we're on might be common  
All I can do is wait for you

-No Doubt

Over the weekend Meredith hadn't heard much from Derek. He had been at the Hospital to check on Patients and then had appeared twice for emergency surgeries, that she didn't get to scrub in on, but did get to watch one of them from the Gallery. It still annoyed her that they had to act like he was her boss and nothing else. Things weren't going the way she wanted them and she didn't like it. She was feeling like a little child and that child was ready to throw a tantrum, a very large crying hissy fit of a tantrum. She was so relieved when Tuesday came, because she had the day off. She had decided to spend the day with Izzie. The first thing on the list was to take Izzie to Denny's lawyers. Izzie babbled the entire trip downtown.

"I really don't know why I have to see his lawyer, we weren't really engaged and I don't see what they could possibly have for me."

"Iz, you'll have to wait and see, we're almost there."

Meredith decided to come in with Izzie, instead of waiting in the Jeep. Meredith took a seat while Izzie approached the receptionist. "Hi, I'm Isobel Stephens, well Izzie actually, and I called for Mr. McCarthy, I have an appointment."

"Have a seat."

Izzie sat down to Meredith and started to tap her foot. "Iz calm down." Meredith rested her hand on top of Izzie's.

Izzie stopped taping her foot, "Sorry," she muttered.

They hadn't been waiting long before Frank McCarthy came out.

"Miss Stephens," he greeted.

"Izzie," both woman stood up. "This is my roommate Meredith Grey."

The lawyer stopped and looked at Meredith, "Meredith Grey," he repeated the name. "Sorry your name is familiar, I'm Frank McCarthy."

"Oh, really, oh, I grew up in Seattle, did you?"

"No, weird, sorry, would you like some coffee Meredith, while you wait for Izzie."

"No, no thank you I'm good."

"OK then, Izzie why don't you come with me."

Izzie followed Frank down a long hall way, and disappeared from Meredith's view. Meredith picked up a magazine and started to flip through it. She started reading an article when she heard her name. She knew that voice. She put down the magazine and looked up at Derek. "What are you doing here Mer?"

"Oh. Is this your lawyers Dr. Shepherd?"

"Mer..." he said in warning tone as he sat down.

"Fine. Derek."

"What are you doing here, cause stalkers honey, are usually not so obvious."

"Ha, ha. This is Denny's lawyers, Izzie had to come so I decided to spend the day with her. You know shopping, lattes, dead fiance's lawyer, the usual girl stuff. So now I know why my name was familiar to Frank McCarthy."

"You met Frank, he's one of the Lawyers working on my case."

"Now he got to meet the Dirty Mistress, fun." Meredith tossed the magazine on the table and looked over at Derek.

"Meredith Grey you are the most stubborn woman on earth, you drive me nuts, and its damn well one of those things that makes me love you," he whispered in her ear.

"Stop it Derek. We are in public and well I can't be mad at you when your cute."

"Ahhh, so you admit I'm cute," he said as he leaned back into the chair.

"You know you are, and charming and well McDreamy."

"I hate that nick name."

"I know, but you are."

"Can I wait with you, maybe take you and Izzie out for that Latte?" He asked.

"You can wait, but you have to ask Izzie, because it's her day."

"OK I can respect that."

* * *

Izzie followed Frank into a small board room that had some folders and a metal box on the table. Frank asked her to sit, and he sat diagonal from her. "Thank you for coming, I wanted to get Denny's wishes seen to as soon as possible." 

"Why am I here?" Izzie asked.

"I think this will explain it." He passed her a seal envelope. "I'll let you read that in private."

Frank left the room and Izzie opened the envelope. Inside was a letter dated just a few days after his LVAD was put in.

_Dear Izzie_

_If you're reading this the something has gone wrong and I'm not there anymore. I love you Isobel Stephens. __I don't know if I have said that yet, but I do love you. There's something I really wanted to ask you I don't know if I have asked you yet but I wanted to Marry you. I have never wanted to get married ever, but with you it's all I can think about, I wanted to spend the rest of your life making you happy. I don't want you to spend forever mourning my death, because that means your not happy. I want you to meet someone and fall in love again, I know you loved me, how could you not, sorry, old habits die hard, but yes I want you to meet someone and get married and spend everyday with a smile on the gorgeous face, all I want is you to be happy._

_Frank has a few things to give you, one is my mothers wedding ring, she died when I was a child and my dad gave me the ring before he died a few years ago, and I was supposed to give it my wife, and I want you to have it. Second is a small amount of money to do whatever you want with, go on a vacation, buy shoes, clothes, whatever you want as long as it makes you happy. The last thing is my condo, it's paid for, so there's no mortgage, and you can do with that whatever you want, move into it, sell it, sub-let it, whatever you want, it's yours._

_I love you Izzie and I don't ever want you to think I didn't, and however I died, please don't blame yourself. _

_Love forever Denny._

Izzie was crying by the time she finished the letter. She had to reached for the box of tissues on the table. Frank came in shortly after she was done reading and didn't say anything at first, he just let her cry. "I miss him so much," she finally said.

"We all do Izzie."

Frank opened the metal box and pulled out a small jewelry box and passed it to her. "This is the ring, and I have the deed to the condo and I just need your banking information so we can wire the funds to you."

"How much, Denny didn't mention anything. Just that it was a small amount, 1 or 2 thousand, not that I care."

Frank laughed, "150,000, if you want to call that a small amount."

"Did you say One hundred and fifty thousand, dollars?"

* * *

Meredith stood up when she saw Frank and Izzie approached, Derek followed suit. 

"Derek?" Both Izzie and Frank said at the same time.

"Hi Iz, hello Frank, I decided to keep Meredith company while you were busy with Iz" he said to Frank and then to Izzie, "Franks one of my lawyers."

"So Mr. McCarthy you know where you recognize my name from now." Meredith said.

"Ahhh, sorry Meredith and you too Derek, that was unproffesional of me. Well it was nice meeting you Izzie, and keep me up to date with what you decide."

"I will, thank you."

"Your welcome," the lawyer walked away.

"You okay Iz," Meredith asked as she picked up her purse from the floor.

"Ya."

"Derek asked us to go and have lattes, his treat, but I told him to ask you."

Izzie looked at Derek and saw a hopeful gleam in his blue eyes, "That would be okay, but I need to put this paper work in the jeep first."

"There's that small patio a few doors down, why don't I get the coffee and the table and you can meet me there." He said as he opened the office door for the two woman.

"OK." Meredith said.

"I know Meredith's choice Mocha-latte with non fat milk and whip cream, what's your Izzie?"

"Same."

"Okay then." Derek walked down the street leaving the woman a few feet from Merediths Jeep.

"He loved me," Izzie said as they walked towards the vehicle.

"Of course he did." Meredith said as she opened the passenger door for Izzie.

"He left me his condo, and 150,000 dollars, and a ring." Izzie said.

"Seriously?"

"Yes," Izzie rummaged in her purse and pulled out the ring box and showed Meredith.

"Wow that's very pretty. What about the condo, you going to live in it?" Meredith closed the door as Izzie put the ring into her purse.

"Ya and leave you and George I don't think so." They started down the street.

"Then what, sell it?"

"Sublet it maybe."

"That's a lot of money Iz."

"I know, if I had student loans I'd be happy, but mine are paid, so now I have a shit load of money."

"That you do," Meredith said as the walked into the cafe.

Derek stood up and waved to them. Meredith step faltered, he looked so perfect standing there in a dark blue polo shirt and a pair of tan pants, his sunglasses covering his perfect blue eyes. Sometimes it was hard to believe that he was almost hers. Soon she told her self soon. She smiled as she sat down. "You know I am the envy every man here."

"Why?" Izzie asked.

"Well I am having coffee with the two most beautiful women in Seattle."

Both woman blushed at the compliment, Izzie leaned over and whispered to Meredith, "McDreamy's back."

"I heard that." Derek said smirking.

The three of them talked about random things. Derek and Meredith tried not to mention surgeries to Izzie, but it was hard. Derek didn't know what possessed him, but he rested his hand on Meredith's leg as they sat there talking.

Out of the blue Izzie said announced, "I think I want to come back. To the Seattle Grace.

"What?" Meredith asked, seeing how Izzie hadn't mentioned coming back at all.

"That's great Izzie, we have missed you." Derek said.

"Not surgical," she said.

"NeoNatal right?" Derek asked.

Izzie nodded. "Would that be okay with the two of you, working for Addison."

"No," said Derek, "She's a great Doctor, you would learn a lot from her, what do you think Mer."

"Oh ya, Addison, she's great."

"See this why I was scared to say anything."

"No Izzie this is good, I'm sorry," she turned and looked at Derek, "Sorry."

Derek nodded, he could understand Meredith's feelings, her friend and roommate was joining the enemies camp. He squeezed her leg lightly, affectionately.

Derek walked them to the Jeep when they finished their coffee's. He opened the door for Meredith and closed it once she was in. Then he leaned in the roll downed window and kissed Meredith lightly, unexpectedly. "OK you two lovely ladies have a wonderful day, and I'll see you at work tomorrow Mer."

"You know he's only charming enough so that I can't hate him everyday."

Izzie sat there smiling, but didn't say a word. She just smiled.


	12. My Bestfriend's Girl

_**I am writning as much as I can, I dont want to be influenced by thursdays premire...omg I only have season 1 on DVD and I like watch it all the time, but anyways I do know where I'm going with this and i hope you like it, and I'm also trying to write the next chapter of Simplest Mistake.**_

Chapter 12 - MY BEST FRIENDS GIRL

**Youre always dancing down the street  
With your suede blue eyes  
And every new boy that you meet  
He doesnt know the real surprise  
Here she comes again  
When shes dancing neath the starry sky  
Shell make you flip  
Here she comes again  
When shes dancing neath the starry sky  
You kinda like the way she dips**

Shes my best friends girl  
Shes my best friends girl  
**-The Cars**

Mark took a window seat for his flight to Seattle. He said good bye to his beloved New York as he flew out of the city. He sat in his chair and looked out the planes window, trying to plot his next move in Seattle. He must have had a serious look upon his face because knew one bothered him the duration of the flight. His thoughts remained mostly on Addison. His beautiful, perfect Addison. The funny thing was he knew she wasn't perfect, she could be cold, bossy and temperamental. Truthfully she could be a bitch, and he loved that about her. Why hadn't she just come home with him last time, life would have been better for everyone involved had she just come home.

It did surprise Mark that it was raining and foggy when they landed a few hours later. He had to wonder if the sun ever shone in Seattle. He collected his bags and then grabbed a cab to his hotel. He was staying at the same hotel Addison was. It hadn't taken him too long to find her, and he booked a long stay visit suite when he did, but he made sure he was far away enough that it didn't look to obvious, but at the same time close enough to let her know he was there and that he wasn't going in anywhere.

Mark had no clue on how long it would be before he saw Addison, he hadn't decided whether he would make an appearance the next day at the hospital or wait until Saturday night at the reception. It wasn't only Addison he was nervous about seeing, he wasn't sure what Derek's reaction would be and he really wasn't looking forward to more stitches. He really wanted to work on regaining his friendship with Derek, he had missed him. Him and Derek had been friends since they were roommates their first year of Pre-Med at Columbia. They were so different in so many ways that it was surprising that they became such good friends. Derek had to work his way through school, but Mark had everything handed to him. Derek also went that extra mile when it came to his school work, and Mark did just as much as he could to get by. It was Derek's drive that eventually started to push Mark, everything became a competition, but Derek always came out on top. It hadn't really mattered to Mark, he loved Derek, like a brother, and it hadn't mattered until a certain red head had entered their lives, and then everything had changed. Mark use to sit and wonder how things got from there to where they were now, and he knew he was to blame. He should have told Derek years ago he was in love with Addison, before they were married. He had decided to keep it to himself and the only person that had known for years was his shrink. Mark knew he couldn't dwell on the past, he had a future to plan, a future with Addison.

Mark was checking in when her heard the familiar click of high heels on the tile floor of the lobby, he turned to look and heard her gasp as their eyes met, "Shit," Addison said out loud. She was coming towards him. "Tell me this is purely coincidental."

"What are you doing here Addi," he feigned surprise.

"Like you don't know," she turned and walked towards the elevator.

All Mark could do was smile, that had gone better then he planned.

* * *

After he checked in he was to restless to remain in his hotel room. He decided to see a little of Seattle and thought to start with The Emerald City bar. It was Thursday night so the place was fairly busy. He found an empty bar stool and claimed it for himself. The bartender approached and asked what he could get him to drink, "Single Malt scotch, on the rocks," Mark said. 

"We have a regular that drinks the same thing," the bartender said as he put Marks drink on the bar in front of him. "It was my drink first, Derek Shepherd stole it."

"You must be Dr. Sloan."

"You've heard of me."

"Yes, yes I have and I'm Joe. I guess I'll be ordering more scotch."

"That would be a wise plan my friend."

Joe walked away and left Mark with his drink. Mark wasn't completely sure what he was doing there. He wasn't sure if he was waiting to see Derek or Grey, or possibly both together. He was preying on Grey, because he was still at a lost on how he was going to mend his friendship with Derek. It wasn't long before Mark's preys were answered and Grey walked through the door with her oriental sidekick, they were laughing at something. He turned his large body away so they wouldn't be able to see him. They sat at the other end of the bar, and still hadn't seen Mark. As Joe was making their drinks Mark beckoned him over. "Add those to my bill but don't tell them its me yet."

"Sure not a problem, but you realize they are both involved."

"Just do it please."

"There you go," Joe said as he put the drinks in front of Meredith and Christina. "They were bought from a guy at the bar, I told him you weren't available but he didn't seem to care."

"Hey I'm not taken," Meredith objected.

"Whatever Meredith," Joe said as he walked away.

Christina sat laughing, "See even Joe knows about you and McDreamy. So who do you think bought them?"

"No clue."

Out of the blue a large body appeared next to Meredith, scarring both her and Christina. "Evening Ladies."

Meredith didn't think and just punched his shoulder. "You're such an ass Sloan."

"You missed me Grey," he looked over a Christina, "Yang isn't it."

"Yes it is Dr. Sloan." Christina said.

"Mark, please, any friend of Grey's here," Mark didn't get to finish his thought, Christina finished for him.

"Is what?"

"You're the feisty one in the bunch, I can tell. So hows that boyfriend of yours doing, he was a good surgeon."

"Still is," Christina said bitterly.

"That's what I meant."

"I'm sure it is. I'm going to the bathroom Mer, you can stay here and talk with Satan's Mistress." She got up a left.

"Ouch, that hurt, did I do something, I didn't mean to upset her."

"Not too hard to do these days. She's kind of on a pass for good behaviour tonight. Burke's family in town and Christina doesn't do the family thing, at least not well. So why are you here Sloan?"

"I was thirsty and I don't like the Mini bar in my suite." He gave a large smile, he was being diififcult on purporse, Meredith could tell.

"Not at Joe's, but in Seattle why the hell did you move here?" Meredith asked.

"I want them back," he stated.

"Them?"

"My best friend and my girl."

"So you know." Meredith said, looking up at him.

"Ya, and I saw Addison at the hotel."

"You're staying at the same hotel as Addison, that's different. Planned on your part no doubt."

"No doubt. So how are you and Derek doing?"

"We're friends still."

"Friends? Is that all?" Mark chuckled.

"None of your business."

"None of my business, that hurts."

"Fine, we're taking it slow and waiting till the divorce is settled before we decide what we're doing, plus he's leaving on vacation on Sunday."

"Alone?" Mark asked.

"Alone." Meredith confirmed.

"Fishing?"

"Fishing."

Christina sat down, and shot Mark a look. He knew that he had overstayed his welcome. "So it was nice seeing you again Grey and will I be seeing you and Dr. Burke on Saturday Dr. Yang?"

"Unfortunately yes."

"Until then." He opened his wallet and threw a few bills on the bar. "Joe the next round is on me." He smiled at both woman and left.

"He's hot and still McSteamy, but not nearly as charming as McDreamy," Christina said when he was gone. "He's kind of an ass."

"I think that's why him and Derek were such good friends, they're both asses."

"I'll drink to that."


	13. Hello and Goodbye

Chapter 13 -Hello and Goodbye

All four interns waited near the chief's office as Izzie met with Dr. Webber, one of the hospitals lawyers, and Addison on Friday morning. They all knew that they should not be waiting and was just a matter of time before Bailey came looking for them, but none wanted to be the last to know what the fate of their friend would be. The lawyer left first and then Izzie followed, Addison stayed behind.

"So?" Meredith asked when Izzie joined them.

"I am now a new Neonatal intern, starting Monday morning, but I'm on three months probation, so basically I get to shadow Addison for the next 120 days, before I get to do anything real, by myself."

"Oh Iz are you positive this is what you want?" Meredith asked.

"Yes Mer this isn't so bad I get to help bring little lives into the work and I will still be a surgeon, so this is good."

"Welcome back, sorta," Christina said as she patted her on the shoulder and walked away.

As Christina walked away Izzie's eyes met with Alex's, this was the first time they had seen each other since he had told her he loved her. He did his best to smile but it must have faltered because Izzie said, "What no jokes Alex?"

"Nope just glad your back that's all," and he walked away.

"Forget him Iz. SO do you have to wear Salmon colored scrubs."

"Oh please I don't think so, no self respecting Doctor wears salmon coloured scrubs, and I made that clear to Addison."

Derek had finished his last scheduled surgery at about three on Friday afternoon. He had a few loose ends with some patients to tie up, and if there was no emergencies between then and Saturday night then he was a free man. He was surprised to find Mark sitting in his office with his feet propped up on Derek's desk. "Hey buddy," Mark smiled and said as Derek walked in.

"Don't buddy me and get those goddamn size 13's off my desk, actually better yet get out of my office." Derek sat down behind his desk, and Mark swung his legs off of it.

"I thought to see if you missed me yet?"

"Like a hole in the head. So what the hell are you doing here, in Seattle?" Derek asked.

"You know your lusty intern asked me that exact thing last night," Mark said with his cocky smile plastered to his handsome face.

"Don't call her that and where the hell did your see Meredith?" Derek asked.

"I ran into her and Yang at that bar across the street."

"Leave her alone Mark, whatever sick plan you have come up with leave her out of it."

"Who says I have a plan, never mind a sick plan."

"You always have a plan." Derek stated.

"That was the old New York Mark, this is a new Seattle Fly by the Seat of my pants Mark."

"Whatever, just get the hell out of my office." Derek pointed towards the door.

"Fine, I'll just go find my own and I hope it's bigger then the closet they gave you." Mark stood up and left.

* * *

"Hey," Derek came into the locker room as Meredith was getting ready to go home. 

"Hey," she said back as Derek leaned against the locker next to hers.

"What?" she asked not knowing how to read him at that moment.

"So I pick up my rental SUV tomorrow," He said.

"And you leave on Sunday." Meredith said as she took her hair out of her clip.

"I leave on Sunday, it's like a six hour drive to Oregon, should be nice, let me see a little of the West Coast. So Mark was here today, in my office."

"Oh, he was at Joe's last night."

"He said he saw you and Christina there." Derek said looking at her.

"What is this Derek?" Meredith asked, feeling annoyed with him again.

"What's what?"

"This. You worried about leaving me here with Sloan?"

"No, should I be."

"Oh my god, well for your information I am taken, so too bad for him." She closed her locker door.

"You're taken are you?" Derek said with a little grin.

"Yes, mt heart has been claimed for sometime too bad he can be a jackass with a jealous streak."

"I don't get jealous." Meredith raised an eyebrow at the statement. "OK I do, once in awhile, but only over you."

"That's all I needed to hear, so am I going to see you before you go?" Meredith held her breath for a moment.

"I got that thing tomorrow night," Derek made a face. "What time do you start on Sunday?"

"Eleven."

"So why don't you come out to the trailer in the morning, for breakfast and you can see Doc's headstone."

"That sounds good." She said.

Derek leaned slightly into her and said "I want to break my rule and kiss you right now."

"Dr. Shepherd that would be inappropriate."

"I know, so I'm going to leave now, but be prepared for kissing on Sunday," he said as he started to leave the locker room.

She blushed. "I'll bring breath mints."

* * *

**I know that one was short but it was needed to get to the next chapter, which is going to be really good, and It was one of the first chapters I wrote about a month ago.**


	14. Be Yourself and Five Other Cliches

Chapter 14 - Be Yourself (and Five Other Cliches)

Derek thought he was going to be sick a few times during Mark's speech. He was sitting at a table with Christina, Burke and a few other doctors. Addison was sitting with the Webber's and a few members of the board of directors. Christina leaned over to him once and asked, "Has he always been so full of hot air."

"Yes, but I think steam is a better word."

"She told," Christina faltered, "OK fine whatever."

Burke looked over and gave them a stern look, both felt like fifth graders that the teacher caught talking. By that point in the evening Derek had a pretty good buzz going and was not really caring what anybody thought. He leaned over to Christina, "What's Mer doing tonight?"

"Seriously Derek, you want to do this now."

"Do what?"

"Get all sappy over Mer."

'OK you two," Burke leaned towards them. Derek decided at that point it was time to make another visit to the bar.

* * *

"How are you doing Addison?" Adele asked when the presentation and speeches were over. 

"I'm hanging in there Adele thank you." They were still sitting at their table.

"I really couldn't believe it when I heard the news, shock was the only word I could use."

"It wasn't that much of a shock, we were having problems before we separated in New York," Addison like Adele enough, but she didn't want people thinking she was a victim.

"It doesn't surprise me that Meredith Grey was involved."

"I'm sorry Adele but I'm really not comfortable with discussing the end of my marriage or whether or not Meredith Grey is involved."

"I'm sorry Addison, I'm a little near sighted when comes to any Grey woman."

"I don't understand Adele."

"Richard had an affair with her mother, that's why we moved to New York."

"Oh Adele I had no clue." Addison rested her hand on the older womans.

"Richard didn't think I had a clue," she looked towards her husband, where he stood with Dr. Burke and Dr. Yang. "I know he goes sees her at the home."

"You don't think anything is still going on, I mean she's a sick woman."

"It doesn't have to be physical to be an affair Addison."

_'Then my husband has never been faithful since I moved to Seattle_," Addison thought to herself. "I'm sorry Adele, I have to use the ladies room," Addison parted from Adele and made her way to the ladies room. She walked past the bar and her eyes met with Derek's but she didn't stop she kept going. When she got to the ladies room she stared at her self in the mirror and tired to calm her nerves. She promised herself that she wasn't going to breakdown, and she wasn't about to break that promise.

When she left the ladies room she wasn't surprise that Mark singled her out. She tried not to notice how damn sexy he could be, dressed in a dark blue suit, but the jacket had been removed and his tie loosened slightly. She looked up once and saw Derek watching them with a drink in his hand.

"So I gather Derek and Grey are back at making googly eyes at each other, and that's why you're living at a hotel," he said in his usual cocky manner.

"Go away Mark," she warned.

"What did I do?" he asked.

"If coming here is some kind of attempt to win me back it's not going to work."

"Who says I want you back, maybe I worked my way through New York and wanted to see what Seattle had to offer." He smiled.

Addison rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"Well seeing how my first choice, Grey, is off the market, I have to start shopping." He took a drink of his beer.

"Good luck with that."

"You know I had a lady come in with a Bethany Whisperer ad a few months ago and wanted Dr. Models breasts, I gotta say they looked very nice."

"She's in mourning, her fiance just died."

"Oh so she's available." Mark couldn't help but laugh when Addison walked away in a huff.

He was getting to her, that was good. Now he need to work on the other Shepherd. Derek had moved to the bar near the end of his speech and hadn't really moved. Mark went to the bar and ordered a Heineken, he stood next to Derek. "So I was wondering," Mark said turning towards Derek. "If you knew anyone who like to share one of these two Cuban cigars I have," he drew to cigars out of his jacket pocket.

"Not a clue," Derek said trying to be indifferent.

"OK well if you hear of anyone tell them I'm just out those doors," Mark motioned to the glass doors that led to a balcony.

Mark leaned over the rail of the balcony and watched the lights over the harbor. He was only on his second puff of his cigar when he felt Derek's weight against the rail. Derek was leaning with is back against the balcony rail, facing towards the glass windows. Mark decided against saying anything smart of cocky. he just handed Derek the other cigar, he took it. Next Mark handed Derek his gold tone engraved Zippo, which had been a gift from Derek on Mark's 35th birthday. Derek handed it back. Mark continued to stare out over the harbor. HE could hear Derek take a puff of his cigar and then exhaled.

"It's pretty but nothing like Manhattan," Mark said.

Derek turned around and looked at over the water, "It grows on you."

They stood there in silence for a moment, then Derek said, "This doesn't change anything, I still hate you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way buddy."

They just stood there and smoked their cigars and drank their drinks and didn't say anything else to each other.

* * *

Addison couldn't help but smile when she saw Derek and Mark smoking cigars together on the balcony. She was hoping their friendship could be mended. They were always so close, like brothers, but when Derek had retreated into his work obsessed state it wasn't just Addison that he had abandoned, he had left Mark too, and they turned to each other. She knew it had been a mistake, she knew it been an even bigger mistake to have stayed with Mark after Derek had left, but he had made her feel safe. She didn't want hate Derek, she also didn't want to hate Mark, but the latter was making it very difficult.

* * *

Christina hated things parties like the one she was at. Everyone thought her to be a big suck up, but she liked to impress people with her Surgical brilliance rather then her art of small talk and bullshit. She had wanted a drink, but she had promised Burke that she would be on her best behaviour that evening, and that included her being sober, right now she was trying to be the best girlfriend she could. She was standing with Burke and Dr. Webber when Addison approached her and asked to speak with her. That had caught Christina completely off guard. 

"Yes Dr. Shepherd?" She asked when they were alone.

"I don't know if you have noticed but Derek has had an awful lot to drink tonight."

"Yes ma'am. Did you need me and Burke to give him a ride home."

"Oh no, that would be asking too much, but I was hoping you could call a ride for him."

"You want me to call a for a cab?" She asked now completely confused by her attending's request.

"No Dr. Yang, but maybe a friend could come get him."

Christina wasn't sure if she was hearing her straight so decided to have it clarified. "You want me to call Meredith?"

"Yes Dr. Yang, I know he is leaving tomorrow and thought it would be a nice surprise."

"Seriously?" Christina was more confused then ever.

"I would do it myself, but I obviously don't have her phone number."

"OK not a problem."

"Thank You." Addison walked away.

Christina found a quiet corner and took out her phone. She dialed Meredith's cell phone. "Hello," Meredith said.

"Are you sober?" asked Christina

"Ya, I'm watching chick flicks with Izzie, George and Callie. Why whats wrong, something happen? Don't tell me he punch Sloan again."

"No nothing like that, but McDreamy has had a lot to drink, and I was asked to give you a call and see if you could come and get him."

"Did he ask you to call me?" Meredith asked.

"No."

"Sloan asked?"

"No, Addison."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously, weird I know."

"Ya weird. Okay tell her I'm on my way."

Christina closed her phone and went to find Addison, who was now talking to Burke. "It's all good," Christina said as she slipped her arm into Burke's good one.

"Thank you Dr. Yang. I'll talk to you later Preston."

"Bye Addison."

"What was that?" Burke asked as she walked away.

"She wanted a favor."

"Are you going to tell me what the favor was?" Burke asked looking down at Christina.

"No, you'll have to try and get it out of me when we get home." Christina smile her small seductive smile that was only reserved for Burke.

"You think I can't because I only have one arm." He said back to her.

"That one arm has kept a smile on my face so far," she practically purred.

* * *

Addison didn't want to disturb Mark and Derek on the balcony, but knew she had no choice. "Derek," she said as she opened the door, "Can I talk to you." Mark just looked over his shoulder at Addison then at Derek, and then went back to watching the water. Derek never said anything just followed Addison. "I got you a ride home." 

"What?" Derek asked.

"Your rides on the way, I just figured that your in no condition to drive."

"OK, whats with the act of kindness Addi."

"What, I may hate you Derek Shepherd but you are still husband and as your wife, for now, I have the right to make sure you get home. You can thank me when your sober, if you remember."

"Thank You, I think." She could tell Derek was a little confused but she knew he would be surprised when he went downstairs and found Meredith waiting for him.

"What are you up to?" Mark was suddenly behind her.

"What Can't I be nice?"

"A little too often. What's going on? You called Derek a cab."

"No."

"Then what."

"I had Dr. Yang call a friend."

"Now I really don't get you. You had Grey, your soon to be ex-husbands dirty mistress come get him. Is it like invasion of the body snatchers in Seattle cause I don't get you or Derek anymore."

"He's leaving tomorrow and I thought it would be nice if they got sometime together. I may hate them, but they do love each other."

"Addi, Addi, Addi," Mark shook his head, "So do you want to give me a ride back to our hotel."

She turned, her eyes flashing in again, like the Addison he knew. "It's not our hotel, and you got yourself here, you can get yourself back." She stormed away.


	15. Crazy On You

**15 - Crazy On You**

Derek was still shaking his head over what Addison had just done. He couldn't figure out why she was being so nice. His confussion got worse when he arrived downstaris and Meredith was parked out front. She lowered the passenger window and leaned over. "Need a ride?" she asked.

For a moment Derek thought he had way to much to drink and must be passed out somewhere dreaming of Meredith. He knew if it was a dream she'd be naked. He walked over to the jeep. "Meredith?" he asked, still not completly believing his eyes.

"A friend called. Get in."

Derek got in the jeep and looked over at her. She was wearing her hair back and was weraring a lavender blouse and a pair of jeans, she never looked better. "Isn't this a change of event, I'm sober and your not," she laughed.

"This has been a different night."

"You didn't try and start any fights."

"Nope, I was on my best behaviour, kinda."

"Kinda."

"Kinda, lets leave it at that."

"We'll leave it at that then."

Derek fiddled with the radio as she drove. He looked up when they stopped. He realized that they weren't at his trailer but outside Meredith's house. "What are we doing here?" he asked.

"Well I can give you three reasons. One, this is a lot closer to the Yacht club so I can get you to your car in the morning, two you're drunk and I'm pretty sure I could take advantage of you, and three I'm not ready to sleep in Addison's bed." She waited to see what his reaction would be. He leaned his head back and looked into her eyes, "What are your roommates going to say?"

"It's my house, they don't like it, tough."

He laughed, and the she laughed. They both felt like they were finally becoming them again.

Meredith opened the door quietly, the living room was dark except where the TV was still on, Izzie was a sleep on the couch. She motioned for Derek to come in and practically pushed him up the stairs. "Good night Mer," she heard Izzie say from the room.

"Night Iz," she said hoping Izzie had only heard her and not seen Derek.

"Night Derek," Izzie called up.

"Night Izzie," he said back, even being partially drunk he knew there was no point in denying it when he was caught.

Meredith pushed him into the bedroom, before George and Callie saw them. They were both giggling by the time they closed the door. "You're a bad sneaker Dr. Grey."

"I've been out of practise."

They were standing close to each other but not touching. Meredith could smell the scotch on his breath, always something she associated with Derek. She looked up into his eyes, which must have been too much for him because he was lifting her up and kissing her. "I was suppose to take advantage of you, remember," she said when the kiss ended.

"So take advantage," he moved back so his knees hit the side of her bed and laid down so she was sprawled on top of him. Meredith rearranged her self so she was straddling him. She reached up and undid her hair clip so her blond hair spilled around her shoulders. Derek's hands roamed under her blouse, feeling the skin around her stomach. "Your skin is always so soft," he whispered.

She smiled as he undid the buttons on her blouse. She let it fall off of her, his hands instinctively reached for her small breasts. He cradled them with his palm and rubbed the nipple with his thumb. Meredith leaned into his touch and let a small moan pass her lips. Derek must have gotten excited, he lifted her up and laid on the bed. He stood up and started remove his jacket, tie and then his shirt. He rejoined her when he was only in his dress pants. He laid partially on top of her, his hands threaded into her hair as he kissed her lips.

His lips began to move on her, leaving a hot trail across her cheek to her neck. His tongue flickered over her ear lobe, and she trembled in his arms. His hands found her breasts again. Meredith arched towards his body with silent demands, demands that Derek remembered all to well. Her fingers dug into his shoulder leaving half moons without realizing it.

They began undressing each other in a flurry of movements, after what seemed like an endless amount of time they were both naked. Derek's hands couldn't stay still, they felt like they were every where at once on her body, when they reached between her legs Meredith cried out. It was too much for her, but then his lips were back on hers kissing her deeply, his body pressing hers into the mattress. She wrapped her legs around his waist and felt him enter her in one slick movement. Before he would give her what she wanted he nipped at her earlobe and whispered, "Tell me Meredith." She shook her head and tried to bucking her hips to give herself what she wanted. "I won't move until you tell me." He wouldn't give her what she wanted, finally she couldn't take it, "I love you," she cried out over and over again as Derek's body pumped into hers. When they were done, Derek gathered her in his arms, "I love you too."

Meredith woke in the morning to Derek nibbling on her neck and his hands caressing her body again. She forgot how amazing it felt to fall asleep in Derek's arms, she also forgot even how more amazing it felt to wake up with him making love to her. She rolled over into his body, "I guess I don't get my breakfast date?"

He laughed, "If you would rather me stop?" he asked.

"If you do, I'll never speak to you again."

"That may make things awkward at the hospital," he said and continued to make love to her.

When they got up Derek stretched, "I forgot how incredible that bed is?"

"Only the bed?" Meredith asked as she grabbed some clothes from her dresser.

"No not only the bed, the company in it is pretty great." Meredith blushed.

She opened her bedroom door and looked down the hall. "Looks like the coast is clear, if you want to use the bathroom."

"Clear from who Mer, Izzie knows I spent the night. Or is it George you worried about, or Dr. Torres."

"I still feel weird about this. You're still married."

"And my soon to be ex-wife practically gave me to you, I think your conscience should be clear Mer."

"I know, but it still feels wrong."

Derek got up and closed the door. He pressed her into the door with his own naked body. "There is nothing wrong about this. Before we know it I'll be divorced and then we can do whatever we want and not care." He kissed her again. "See I told you their would be kissing this morning." Meredith laughed.

When she opened the door George was standing in the hall. "We could hear you," is all he said and then went back into his room. She looked back at Derek and started laughing again.

* * *

Meredith drove Derek to get his car and then followed him back to the trailer. When they got there he showed her Docs tombstone as promised. When they walked back to the trailer he asked her for a favor. "What?" 

He pulled out a key to the trailer, "Just keep an eye on it while I'm gone."

"Really?"

"Just stop by when you can, its no big deal."

"Are you sure you want me to do it?"

"Who else?"

"I don't know. I could get nosey?"

"Mer you know all my secrets, there's no second wife in hiding."

"I know, but..."

"But?"

"Nothing."

"I'll call you when I can." He said.

"Okay," she said as he leaned over and kissed her head.

"I'm going to miss you Mer. I remember what you said last night."

"What's said during a screaming orgasm doesn't count, that's like blackmail."

Derek smiled, "Whatever. You should go, your going to be late."

Meredith looked down at her watched, "Damn, 10:30."

Derek gave her a quick kiss and went back towards the trailer. He heard his name and turned around, Mer ran towards him and he caught her as she wrapped her legs around his waist and she gave him one last soul scorching kiss. "That's just so you don't forget," she said when he lowered her so she was standing once again.


	16. Call Me When You're Sober

**Chapter 16 - Call Me When You're Sober**

Meredith decided to go to Joe's Tuesday night after work, the house was empty and she didn't fell like being alone. George said he was going to the movies with Callie and Izzie had to stay on call that night. They had told here she was shadowing Addison, so when Addison was on call so was Izzie. She had asked Christina, but she promised Burke she would spend the night with him.

Derek had called her late Sunday night to let her know he had gotten to Oregon alright and that he had checked into his cabin. He told her he loved her and that he would call her when he could. She promised herself she wouldn't wait by the phone so going out was the only way that she knew she wouldn't be waiting. She wasn't sure if she was happy or not when Mark sat down beside her. "You shouldn't drink alone, its depressing."

"I was only going to have one or two." She said as she drank down her first shot.

"Let me get you that two." Mark motioned to Joe for one of each.

"You are really annoying." Meredith said after her second shot.

"What you don't find me McSteamy?" he said with a cocky smile/

"Hey where did you hear that."

"Karev, he's a fountain of information."

"He's also a dead man." Meredith said.

"I kinda like it. I gather Derek doesn't like McDreamy."

"No he doesn't and you came close to being called McYummy so I wouldn't talk."

"McYummy?"

"Izzie's choice." Meredith clarified.

"Tall hot blond Dr. Model thinks I'm yummy does she."

"Don't ever call her that, she went crazy on Alex over that once."

Mark laughed, "You guys are so much more fun hen the interns back home."

"Hung out with a lot of interns back in New York?" Meredith asked.

"No not really, OK I was a boring intern."

"I doubt that,' she laughed. Meredith wasn't sure why but her eyes strayed to a booth across the room. She had to blink to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. Finn was there and he was watching her and Mark, "Crap," she said.

"Grey What is it?"

"The guy I was dating a few weeks ago is here, and he has no reason to be here." She turned her head towards Mark.

"Where?" Mark asked.

Meredith nodded her head in Finns direction. "So that's McVet?"

"Alex?"

"Fountain Grey, fountain. Do you want me to take care of it?" Mark started to get up, Meredith stopped him by grabbing his large arm.

"No Sloan I'm a big girl." She said as got up from the bar.

Meredith walked to where Finn sat. "What are you doing here?"

He smiled his boyish grin, "Having a drink."

"No your not."

"There's a beer in front of me, and I'm drinking it."

"Seriously Finn?"

"Who's that, new doctor?" He asked with a bitter tone.

"A friend, that doesn't concern you."

"You seem cozy."

"You checking up on me. Finn don't do this, can't we just leave it be and move on." She stared into his blue eyes, wondering how she even found him to be sensitive.

"Looks like your on the move." Their voices must have gotten louder, Mark got up and came over.

"I think the lady would like you to leave."

"Hey I'm just having a drink, sorry if I'm ruining your date."

Meredith turned towards Mark, "Sloan I can handle this," she said and turned back to Finn "Finn please leave, It's over, I'm with Derek now so you can stop checking up on me."

"Where is he."

"Not here right now, so please leave."

She didn't know if it was her or Mark's presence but he got up to leave. "If I knew how easy you were I wouldn't be so considerate. She's all yours." He left the bar.

"If I didn't need these hands Grey I'd beat the crap out of him."

"What's the point Sloan, it's my life, and has nothing to do with you," they walked back to the bar. Mark motioned to Joe for another drink for Meredith, "Keep them coming Joe." Meredith was now in a mood to drink.

"Grey your my best friends girl, it's my job to look out for you."

"Like you looked out for Addison?"

"Ouch."

"And he's your ex-best friend."

"Technicality."

* * *

It was late when Mark peeled a very drunk Meredith from her bar stool. "Where are we going?" she asked. 

"I'm driving you home," he said as he opened the door for her.

"Oh, but wait you don't have a car," she objected.

Mark stopped and looked at her, "Give me your keys."

"No."

"Give me the keys Grey."

"Blue Jeep," she said as she handed Mark her keys.

They walked to her jeep, Meredith was laughing at something. "You need a car," she said in her drunken rambling.

"One day," he walked to the passenger side and unlocked the door. He didn't open it. He turned and looked at the very drunk Dr. Grey. "Grey," he said softly, "Meredith," before Meredith could comprehend what was going on Mark was lowering his mouth to hers. At first the lingering taste of scotch confused her mind, but then it came to her, Derek was in Oregon. Meredith pushed Mark away, but before he could say or do anything she bent over and threw up on his feet. She felt his hands pull her hair back, and she vaguely thought about how nice and gentlemanly that was. She stood up when she was done, and looked into his hazel eyes, "What the fuck Sloan," she yelled.

Mark walked away, towards the grass. Meredith followed him, still ranting. "Oh My god, Derek was right, I should have stayed away from you. Do you always hit on your friends girls, seriously Sloan."

Mark just looked at her as he rubbed his shoes into the the grass, trying to get the Tequila vomit off of them. "Don't worry about. I think I have to buy new shoes now."

"Don't worry about it, you kissed me."

"You rejected me, it's all good." He looked up at her and smiled

"I thought you loved Addison?" she asked.

"I do." He said.

"I thought you wanted to fix your friendship with Derek?"

"I do."

"Why then?"

"I just wanted to see what you would do."

"What?" She couldn't figure him out. Nothing was making sense.

"Seriously Grey I think you ruined my shoes."

"Forget your damn shoes, was this some kind of test."

"Yes." This time he wasn't smiling.

"Oh My God. Your more of an ass then he is. Your are not irresistible."

"Tell me this, that day I met you at the hospital had I not been me, I mean the guy Addison had an affair with, the guy that Derek hated, would you have let me pick you up."

Meredith wasn't sure what to say, because deep down she knew she probably she would of. "Drive me home," was all she said and walked back towards her jeep.

* * *

It was early in the morning when George woke her up. "What's he doing here?" George asked as he stood over top of her. 

"What George, who?"

"McPlastic is sleeping on our couch and he smells like puke."

The events of the night flashed in Meredith's mind. She groaned remembering Mark kissing her and her throwing up on him. "He got me home, I offered the couch," Meredith sat up, but regretted her decision, she felt her stomach lerch. She jumped up and almost pushed George out of the way trying to get to the bathroom. George stood at the doorway as she dry heaved into the white cold toilet bowl.

"A little too much last night?" he asked.

"You have no idea,' she said as she laid back on the floor.

George came in and flushed the bowl for her. "Is it because he's gone?"

"No, yes, no. Finn showed up and was just bad, all bad."

"You gonna be okay?"

"Nothing I haven't dealt with before and will again," she said as she sat up. "Can you get Sloan up, maybe make coffee while I have a shower."

"I hope this isn't becoming an Attending flop house," George said as he walked out of the bathroom.

* * *

Addison had just pulled into the parking lot of the hotel when she was the blue Jeep drive up to the main lobby. She really couldn't believe her eyes when she saw Mark get out of the passenger side. She saw him lean back in but she couldn't tell if he had kissed Meredith Grey or what was going on. She did know he was wearing the clothes from the night before. He had just asked her out the night before, but she had to say no because she had to stay on call with an expecting mother with Triplets and Dr. Stephens assisted. She didn't tell Mark that's why she said no, she had thought about it and had really wanted to be with him. It looks like both of them had taken the advantage of Derek's trip. 

Addison didn't know how long she sat there in shock. She even basically gave Derek to Meredith on Saturday night, and that's how she repaid both of them, by sleeping with Mark. She was even more angry with Meredith Grey then when she knew she had slept with her husband. It was Mark, her Mark, she wasn't sure if she wanted him back but she wasn't going to sit back and watch them hurt Derek all over again.


	17. Just What I Needed

Chapter 17 - Just What I Needed

Meredith hadn't planned on going to Joe's that night but she was having one of those days, she was already hung over so she knew alchol wouldn't make her feel any worse. George had whined excessively about Attendings being on the couch, and Christina got on her case about replacing her with McSteamy, and then she overheard some nurses discussing how Meredith was a tramp and had moved on to Mark. It wasn't an ideal day and was about to get worse.

She was on her second round at Joe's when she felt someone standing beside her, she looked up to find Addison dangling her black lace panties from Prom night. "I believe these are yours," she said in that cold clipped tone that was purely Addison.

Meredith reached up and grabbed them before tow many people saw her panties hanging there. "Thanks, I've been wondering what happened to those." Meredith turned back to the bar.

"Is that all you can say to me?"

"What do you want me to say, you and Derek are getting divorced."

"Do you hate me, is that it?"

"Addison..." Meredith turned again.

"Don't Addison me, first my Husband and now my ex, my ex-lover."

At first Meredith wasn't sure what to say, Addison had huge advantage over Meredith, she was sober and not hung over. "Do you really want do this right here right now?" Meredith asked.

"Yes," was Addison's response.

"OK then, sit down and have a shot."

"I don't drink Tequila."

"You do now, so sit," Meredith pulled out the stool for her. "Joe two more."

He leaned over to Meredith, "Mer you think this is a good idea."

"No, but it's the only one I got, so keep them coming."

Addison reluctantly sat down on the stool and looked at the golden liquid sitting in front of her. "Isn't there suppose to be salt and lemon?" she asked.

"That's for children, now drink."

Addison picked up the shot glass and drank it. She coughed for a moment and then put her glass on the bar. "Oh my god, that's disgusting, how in the hell can you drink that stuff."

"Trust me it grows on you." Meredith said as Joe poured them two more. "So who told you?"

"No one, I saw you this morning at the hotel."

"Oh," Meredith picked up her next shot and downed it, Addison followed suit.

"Well I'll start with saying nothing happened or has happened or ever will happen between me and Mark Sloan."

"Then why was he in your jeep at 5:00 am?" Addison grabbed her next shot.

"I had too much to drink, he took my keys and drove me home last night, it was late, I offered the couch."

"Nothing else happened?" Addison drank another shot, "This stuff is getting better."

"I told you. He kissed me," Meredith decided to tell her the truth, there was no point in lying at that point.

"Excuse me?" Addison's shot almost came back up on her.

"He kissed me and then I puked on him."

"You got sick on him. I'm glad. I can't believe he kissed you, I can't believed I ever loved the bastard."

"You love him?" Meredith wasn't expecting that.

"Loved, past tense, besides he kissed you."

"He said it was a test, to see how I felt about Derek."

"Well you throwing up on him was probably an efficient answer."

"That it was." Meredith laughed.

A few shots late Addison looked over at her drinking partner, "You know I try to like everyone, even Karev, but there's a part of me that won't let me like you Meredith."

"Feelings mutual Addison. I threw your JueJue out."

"You threw it out. I tried to be nice and you threw it out."

"I threw it out."

"Why?" Addison looked hurt.

"You were the one that said you hated me first."

"Well your young, and pretty and I bet nothing sags on you yet, and my husband loves you."

"Soon to be ex-husband," Meredith Corrected. "How did you think I felt, I was in love and then you show up with legs that go one forever, with hips and big boobs, and looking like Isabelle Rossellini, and I'm me, so what if I'm younger."

"He has never looked at me the way he looks at you." Addison said quietly.

"I'm sorry about the prom."

"I'm sorry I left New York."

* * *

It was a several shots later that Mark arrived at Joe's. At first he couldn't believe his eyes, Meredith and Addison were sitting together, drinking Tequila shots. He first went to the bar, "Joe whats going on?" 

"I think it's all good, resolving things I think."

"How many have they had?"

"I think Meredith's at 15 and Addison's at 13."

"Whoa, good thing I got here."

"Looks like there doing OK."

"Addison doesn't drink, I've never seen her drunk, and I've known her for like 15 years."

Mark decided to make his presence known, he walked up to Addison's side and asked "What's going on?" he was slightly amused at the turn of events.

"Mark, hello there, me and my new best friend Meredith are talking." She giggled.

"Talking, Addison did you forget that you don't drink, especially Tequila."

"Don't you tell me what I do and don't do. We don't live together anymore." She started poking his hard chest. He just stood there and smiled. "By the way Marcus Daniel Sloan, I don't like when you kiss other woman."

He looked around Addison to where Meredith sat smiling. "You told?"

"I told."

He looked back at Addison. "She ruined my shoes."

"That was funny, see not every woman in the world is attracted to you." She gave another drunken laugh.

Mark just stood there and shook his head. He knew it was time to end their little party and get both of them home. He paid for the shots, "I guess we'll take you car and drop Grey off at home, or unless you want her to come home with you, maybe a little girl on girl, I could hold the camera?" he smiled wickedly, "We could email them to Derek, fun for all."

Addison slapped his arm, "You're a pig."

Meredith looked over, "I'm not in college anymore you know." Both Addison and Mark looked at her, "What?"

"I'm experimental."

"Crap, lucky Derek," was Marks reaction. Addison gave him her Satan bitch look. "What, I can't help it I got a mental image. Ok car time girls," he felt like he was babysitting a bunch of children.

He managed to get Addison in the passenger, as he was buckling her up she said into his ear, "You smell good."

He looked into her dark green eyes, "I should its the cologne you bought me for my last birthday."

"I knew it smelled familiar," she giggled.

Meredith had gotten into the backseat with out help. Addison rolled her head to the side to look at Meredith. "Derek's older then Mark. I'm older then Mark too, but I don't look it."

Meredith just laughed, watching other people get drunk and say stupid things was very amusing.

* * *

Mark walked Addison to her door, she used her room key to let them in. He went an turned some lights on for her, and drew the blinds closed. "You going to be OK? Do you want to throw up before I go?" 

"No," she sat down on the bed.

"OK then," Mark said, he bent over to kiss her on the forehead, but she grabbed him and kissed him. When they came up for air Mark had to loosen her grip. "What?" she asked.

"Not like this Addison."

"You, you don't want me?"

"Oh god Addi, I want you, I really do, but not like this, not because your drunk. I want you to know it when I make love to you."

She sat there frowning, not looking at him, he hoped her Tequila soaked brain would understand what he was saying.

"Mark," she said quietly.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"I'm gonna be sick," she got up and scrambled to the bathroom.

"Perfect," he said as he followed her.


	18. Taking Care Of Business

Chapter 18 - Taking Care Of Business

"You look like crap Grey," Mark said when he ran into Meredith around 10 the next morning.

Meredith had passed out the moment her head hit the pillow, but she woke up bright and early to the alarm screaming in her ear. She thought she could hit the snooze, but as soon as she rolled over she felt the bile rise in the back of her throat. She almost literally through her self into the bathroom, and bent over the toilette. Izzie opened the shower door at the moment and looked down at her roommate. "You okay?" she asked.

"Tell me why I drink Tequila again?" she asked as she said as she closed the lid.

"You like looking into the toilette bowl every morning?" Izzy said as closed the shower door.

"Not funny," she swore right then that she was giving Tequila up, at least for a few days.

"How does Addison look this morning?" Meredith asked as Mark walked beside her in the hall.

"Better then you," he said.

"Thanks," Meredith stopped walking and turned and looked at Mark, "Hey you didn't take advantage of her did you?"

"No. In fact I told her no."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"We'll I'm impressed," she began walking again. "I not touching Tequila for a very long time. I don't need another morning of staring into the big white."

"I believe it was Addison's first time for that last night." Mark chuckled

"Harsh." Meredith stopped at the elevator.

"You really do look rough."

"You're a jerk."

"Why because I can tell you the truth."

"Why don't you go find your own department, or go bug them up in Neonatal."

"I just may go do that, they like me up there. I get chocolate cupcakes." He walked away with a smug grin.

"You only get them because I don't want 4 dozen cupcakes at my house," she called out to him as the elevator doors opened.

* * *

"Hey Christina do I look like crap." Meredith asked when she saw her. 

Christina looked her over, "Kinda why?"

"Sloan told me I did."

"Isn't he charming. So is it true?"

"What now?" Meredith asked, never knowing which rumour she was the star of.

"About you and Addison getting hammed together."

"Guilty."

"So what Burke has me grounded and you need to replace me with both McSteamy and Addison."

"Seriously Christina I'm not replacing you, they keep coming to me, it's wrong." Meredith said.

"Very Wrong," Christina agreed.

"Oh so wrong."

"But he's right you look like crap."

"Thanks."

* * *

Mark did as Meredith suggested, he went up to Neonatal. He couldn't find Addison but he did find Izzie. "Hey there pretty doctor," he said with his usual cocky smile. 

"Don't." Izzie said held her hand up to him, his smile faded.

"Don't what?" Mark asked.

"Try and win me over like you did Meredith."

"I have no clue what your talking about."

"Don't you, you come here and your hot and your charming, but I don't like you." Izzie said through clenched teeth.

"So what you don't think I'm yummy," his cocky smile returned.

"Oh, is nothing private in this hospital."

"Nope. So tell me Dr. Bethany Whisperer, why do you hate me so much?"

"Where did you hear about that?" her voice was now high pitched.

"Ahhh, now I gotcha." his smile grew bigger.

"I just thought people didn't talk about that anymore."

"Oh, I found out about that in New York."

"What?" She asked almost chocking on her own saliva.

"Fine, just me, well kinda, I had patient come in with your picture and wanted your nose and your boobs." He gove a small up and down look.

"Seriously. My nose and boobs."

"I was little surprised when I recognized you, I even told the woman you were a doctor. She didn't believe me.":

"Really," Izzie shook her head, "Your confusing things."

"How?" he asked.

"By talking, I don't want to like you."

"Why?"

"Because you helped break Meredith and because she was broke she broke George and everyone is' breaking everyone." she said exasperated.

"Except you, so you broke yourself."

"What?" She almost wanted to hit him.

"You fell in love with a patient Izzie that more wrong then Interns and Attendings getting it on."

"I know, he's dead now."

"But your not, I'm glad you came to work for Addison."

"Why?" she asked.

"You two need each other, like right now I need Grey and she needs me."

"Are you using Meredith?"

"What, no. I just felt something for her when I heard about her back in New York, and then when I met her, I knew it wasn't fair that she was in the middle of the Shepherd war, I blamed myself." his smile once again faded and his eyes grew dark.

"You should, because you had a dirty affair with your best friends wife."

"Yup, and I'm here to fix it all."

"How?" she asked.

"You'll see, just wait. So where is that boss of yours."

"In an on call room, she looked rough, not as bad as Meredith, but a close second."

* * *

Addison woke to a hand rubbing it's way down her cheek. She opened her eyes and found Mark looking down at her. "Hey Sleeping Beauty." 

She rolled away from him, "Go away."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"No I don't."

"I made a fool of myself last night."

"No you didn't." Mark rested his hand on her shoulder.

"Yes I did."

"Addison Forbes Montgomery look at me."

She rolled over and looked up into his hazel eyes. "What?"

"Is this about me saying no last night."

"Yes."

He chuckled to himself, "Like I told you last night, I don't want to have sex with you because your drunk, I want to make love to you properly."

"I kinda remembered that, and then you watched me get sick." she tried to roll over again but Marks hands stopped her.

"I didn't watch you, I held your hair back, that's what friends do. I did it for Grey when she puked on my shoes."

"Are we friends?" she asked.

"Yes Addi were friends."

"Oh."

"Are you feeling sorry for yourself?" he asked.

"Yes."

"OK then, have dinner with me tomorrow night."

"Seriously."

"Yes, I want to take you to dinner."

"OK."

"Yes?" he asked.

"Yes." she stated more clearly.

* * *

Meredith went and checked on Derek's trailer and then went home to her bed. She had just laid down when her phone rang. "Hello," she answered. 

"Hey you." Derek's voice said on the other end.

"Derek hey, hows the fishing?"

"Great yesterday but I went white water rafting instead."

"Seriously." Meredith sat up on her bed.

"Seriously, it was always something I wanted to do."

"Isn't it dangerous?" she asked.

"I guess, but it's like a huge rush, almost like that high after surgery. Are you worried?"

"Yes. I know it's silly." Meredith decided not to mention Mark or Addison, not wanting to upset him while he was on vacation.

"No it's sweet, really, I like it. So any big surgeries I'm missing out on?"

"Oh so this call is to see if Dr. Shepherd is missed at work yet," she laughed.

"Ahh-ha, no, I missed the sound of your voice, I think this is the longest I've been away from you."

"You can stop being sweet it's making me miss you."

"OK then, what are you wearing?"

"Now what are you doing" she asked, knowing full well where he wanted to go with that call.

"You said stop being sweet so I'm trying dirty."

She laughed, "Jeans and a shirt."

"Your not playing right."

"It's been a long time since I did the phone sex thing, you might have to walk me through it," she giggled as she laid back down on the bed.


	19. Changes

**Chapter 19 - Changes**

Meredith ran into Mark in the elevator when she was leaving the hospital. He wasn't looking like his usual self. "What?" she asked.

"I suppose to have dinner with Addi but she got called into surgery."

"Sorry, but the fact that you two had plans sounds promising."

"Why don't you have dinner with me?" he asked.

"Me?"

"You, Grey, have dinner with me, I still have a reservation for two."

She didn't answer at first, it wasn't like people didn't know they were friends. "Fine, I need to eat."

"You need to eat." Mark agreed.

* * *

"Did you want a drink? Tequila?" Mark asked when they got to the restaurant and had been seated. 

Meredith coughed and shook her head, "No I think I'm off Tequila, wines fine."

"Taking you sometime to get over that last one," he said.

"I guess I'm catching up to myself. I thought i was going to be sick again this morning."

"If Tequila makes you so sick why drink it?"

"That's the ting it usually doesn't make me sick."

Mark put his menu down and looked at Meredith. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he went back to his menu.

"You didn't eat much," Mark stated as they were walking across the parking lot to her jeep.

"I guess it i wasn't hungry."

"OK Grey, I seriously need to talk to you." Mark said as he got into the passenger side.

"What is it with you today, you're acting all weird on me." Meredith said as she closed her door.

"Remember I'm your friend."

"OK."

"And a doctor."

"Plastic surgeon," she said with her little smirk.

"Whatever Grey, but did you and Derek play safe?" Mark asked.

"What?"

"You know in the exam room did Derek wear a glove?"

"No. God it wasn't planned, what the hell?"

"Is there any chance, even a slim one that you could be pregnant."

"No, not possible." Meredith said automatically, but deep inside she wasn't so sure.

"So when was your last one?"

"I can't talk to you about that."

"Think of me as Christina or Izzie, pretend I have boobs."

"I don't know, I can't remember," she hissed at him "but before I met Finn and well I know after George, I can't remember."

"So no chance?" Mark asked again.

"Well maybe not no chance," she paused.

Mark looked at her, "Grey?"

"Oh my god Mark," she looked into his hazel eyes.

"Drug store?" he asked.

"Drug Store."

* * *

They both stood at the local drugstore looking over the tests, neither one knowing which was the best to buy. "You know the fact that we're both Doctors makes this funny." Meredith said. 

"What buying the test, or you maybe getting knocked up." he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Both I guess."

"Here's one that says it can tell you 4 days sooner then the rest and it's digital." He held the blue box up so she could see it.

"I guess that one will do," she took it from his hands.

"Hey should we buy condoms in case your not, and maybe give Derek a lesson on how to use one?"

"You're an ass, let's just go."

* * *

Meredith wasn't sure where to go, she was too nervous about Izzie and George finding out so she didn't want to go back to the house to do it, and Mark's hotel wasn't good, in case they ran into Addison, so Meredith drove them out to Derek's trailer. 

"So this is it," Mark said as he got out of Meredith's jeep.

"This is it, and I like it."

"Why Addi wasn't far off when she called it a tin can."

"Shut up and lets get this over with."

She unlocked the door and flipped on some lights. "Wow this place is like smaller then his first apartment."

"Would you just stop it. Give me the bag." Mark handed her the plastic bag from the drug store.

"Thank You."

Meredith took a deep breath as she closed the door to the small bathroom. She opened the box and read the directions carefully. When she came out of the bathroom Mark was standing in the small kitchen.

"So?"

"Now we wait."

"How long?" he asked.

"10 minutes."

Mark looked at his watch and set it. "OK," we wait.

When the alarm went off on Marks watch they both jumped, they had been sitting on the small couch not saying a word. "Do you want me to do it?" Mark asked.

"No this isn't your problem, I'll do it."

Meredith felt like she was walking the Last Mile as she walked to the bathroom. At first she felt like her feet wouldn't move, like in a bad horrow movie, then before she knew it she was standing outside the bathroom door. She opened the door and looked down at the test that was by the sink. She closed her eyes, Mark was not far behind her. "What?" he asked.

Meredith opened her eyes and looked at the test. She looked at Mark who was practically standing at her back. "Hello Mommy," she said before she sank to her knees.


	20. Jackass

**Sorry if the story is confusing anyone, but to recap, Derek and Addison, getting divorced, Derek and Meredith not technically together, but in love and lust and shes pregnant with baby Mcdreamy, Mark and Meredith JUST friends, Meredith and Addison, not friends but not enemies, Mark and Addison, he's courting her and trying to win her back. Alex and Izzie, just kind of a side story and nothing yet.**

**Chapter 20 - Jackass**

_To love you is to hate you  
So loving you must be like suicide  
I don't mind if you don't mind  
I'm not the one that's going to die  
I guess I just can't listen  
To this one sided conversation again  
'Cause I don't care if I don't care  
No one ever said that life is fair - Greenday_

Meredith felt like she was walking around in a daze the days after she found out she was having Derek's baby. She was relieved when a train wreck came in, because lots of damaged bodies meant work, and work meant she could stop thinking about herself for a while.

After she found out she was pregnant she laid on Derek's bed for the longest time, starring at the ceiling. Mark sat by her feet and didn't say anything which was not like him. Finally she said, "Maybe I should just go away somewhere, like back to Boston, and have the baby by myself. Then no one will ever know."

"So you're keeping it?"

"Yes,' she stated clearly, "Maybe Santa Barbara, I could get transferred to their intern program, plus it doesn't snow there."

"Seriously Grey, you can't run away. What are you going to when the kid starts asking about they're daddy, say what, Mommy was a chicken and ran away. Seriously."

"OK bad plan, but I can't tell Derek right now, its not fair, he's still not even divorced."

"Well its not like its something your gonna be able to hide, how far do you think you are?" He asked.

"3 weeks maybe."

"It's for sure Derek's"

"Yes it's Derek's, I never slept with Finn," she sat up, "I can't believe your asking me that now."

She had driven Mark back to his hotel then, afterwards she didn't know what to do, she wanted to tell Christina and Izzie but she knew she should tell Derek first. She decided to keep her secret and wait for Derek to come home. He called a couple of times, but she wasn't there to answer, so he left meassages, sweet wonderful messages and told her he would see her Sunday, as soon as he got into town.

Meredith was relieved that she hadn't had any real morning sickness yet, but she had been nauseous several times each day. A few times she thought the other interns had gotten suspicious, especially when the smell of food was starting to make her stomach turn and she stopped having lunch with them. "What you don't want to have lunch with us anymore?" Christina asked one day when she found Meredith stretched out on one of the basements gurneys.

"Yes I do, I'm just not hungry."

"McDreamy?"

"Ya, I guess I miss him more then I thought," she partially lied.

"So you going to come down here and pout and ignore your friends."

"No," she sat up. "Wanted to be alone, is that OK, or do I have to spend every free minute with you guys."

"Sorry, but Jesus Meredith your not the social butterfly you were, are you even speaking to McSteamy anymore?"

"Ya I am, just I think he's actually been working this week. So I haven't seen him much."

"Oh so he's not just the poster boy for the new Plastics department, he actually works?"

"I think so." Meredith was right, there were some serious burn victims with train wreck and Mark had been working hard over the last week. She didn't really see him until the following Friday morning, a week after she found out she was pregnant. "Hey stranger," he said getting into the elevator with her.

"Hey. You been busy this week."

"I forgot what it was like to really work, thought they were paying me millions just to look pretty, and walk the halls."

She laughed, "So hows things with Addison?"

"Progressing, we've had dinner twice this week."

"Very good."

"So how are you feeling?"

"Tired, cranky, all the fun stuff."

"Feel like going to Joe's tonight?"

"I don't know, going to Joe's and not drinking it's not right."

"Just come out for a bit, Addison is on call tonight and I hate sitting in the hotel alone and I think I should have a night of drinking."

"Oh what so you want me to come out with you as a chaperon, and driver."

"Why else?"

"Your an ass," she said as she got off the elevator on her floor.

"So is that a yes?" he called out.

"I'll see you at 9."

* * *

"So when's Derek coming home?" Mark asked as they began playing a game of darts that night at Joe's.

"Sunday," she said.

"When are you going to tell him?" Mark handed her a set of darts that they were sharing.

"Eventually, but I want to feel him out first." She lined her self up in front of the board.

"I'm sure he'll be doing the feeling first," Mark said with his dirty smirk.

"Ha, ha, your such a pig." She said as she three her first dart.

"Aw Grey I thought that's what you liked the most about me."

"Who says I even like you?" she asked as she threw the next one.

"Now I'm hurt. Come on Grey you have to tell him, seriously, this isn't something that you can hide."

"I know." She walked up to the board and started pulling out her darts.

The door of Joe's open, Mark looked, hoping it was Addison, but it wasn't Addison, it was Derek. He was looking around, probably seeing Meredith's jeep in the parking lot. Marked walked over to Meredith who had her back turned from the door. "He's back early," he whispered in her ear.

Meredith spun around and her grey blue eyes met with Derek's. His eyes shifted to Mark and then he turned and walked out. Meredith rushed out after him. When she got to the parking lot she yelled after him, "Derek." He kept walking to his rented SUV.

"Derek," she yelled again, but he continued to ignore her.

Meredith stopped a few feet from his rental car. "Fine, fuck you Derek. Fuck you," she yelled at his retreating back. He turned at that point and started towards her. A few patrons of Joe's had stopped to watch the scene in the middle of the parking lot.

"Why don't you stop embarrassing us, and go back to your date," he motioned to Mark who stood just out side the entrance door, watching.

"Is that what this is about, you think I'm dating Sloan. We're two co-workers playing darts."

"Sure, and let me guess a few more shots of tequila and you would probably be kicking him out the door in the morning." Derek said smugly, his eyes burning holes into hers.

"You're a jackass. Just for the record I haven't had a drink all night," she hissed.

"Why? Don't you trust yourself."

"Whatever Derek, whatever," she turned to leave, but then turned back to him, "You know what Derek stay the hell away from me. Unless you apologize, I don't ever want to talk to you again." She marched back into the bar, leaving Derek standing in the middle of the parking lot.

"Smooth Derek, real smooth." Mark said from the entrance.

"Don't even bother Mark," Derek started back to the rented car.

"Why do you insist on being self destructive. Seriously you were never like this back in New York." Mark strolled across the pavement towards Derek.

"You have no clue who I was or who I am." Derek turned to face Mark.

"Don't I, I loved you like a brother."

"That didn't stop you from fucking my wife," Derek said bitterly.

"I love her Derek, and I have from the first second I ever saw her," Mark confessed.

"What? You loved Addison the whole time I was married to her?"

"Yes."

"For Christ sake you were the best man at our wedding, you toasted us, who are you calling self destructive."

"It wasn't a fling Derek, for either of us."

"What?"

"She moved in when you left. I thought we were happy, I thought she was going to divorce you. Then your chief called and told her about Grey and she left. She left me with all her stuff, and like a love sick fool I waited, I waited for weeks and then I came out here, I had to try and win her back Derek. I had to try. So I am no different then you."

"Shut up Mark."

"No Derek I won't. Grey's right you're being a complete jackass. Grey loves you, trust me I know, she seriously loves you."

"She's impossible. She makes me feel all these emotions and I have no clue how to deal with them. I cried, me Derek Shepherd cried the day I picked Addison. I just can't get it fucking' right with her." Derek was almost yelling at that point, the veins in his neck had started to pop up.

"Look man just give her time right now, trust me she loves you too much to loose you now. Just deal with the divorce, because I have feeling its going to be nasty, and you don't need any distractions from that."

Meredith was sitting at the bar, looking blankly at a full shot of tequila she had ordered. Mark sat down next to her and grabbed the shot and drank it, "Thanks I needed that," he said as he gave her a sharp look.

"That was mine." She said as he put the empty glass back on the bar.

"No it wasn't, if it was you would have drank it already." He pushed her ginger ale over to her.

"Is he bleeding, because I would like it if he was bleeding." Meredith told him.

"No."

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because you really don't want him hurt."

"Oh yes I do." she said.

"No you don't."

"Don't tell me what I want and don't want Sloan."

"He's hurting right now Grey. His marriage is ending."

"That doesn't give him the right to treat me like he just did."

"No it doesn't. You're right."

Meredith was surprised he was agreeing with her, "Of course I'm right."

"Well I bought you a few weeks, I told him to keep his distance until the divorce is settled, if he finds out, it's not my fault."

"Thank you. You didn't tell him you kissed me, did you?"

"No. I'm not really big on everyone knowing that I kissed you, and you puked on me."

"That wasn't completely my fault. It was," she paused, "well you know the thing."

Mark leaned over and whispered, "It's called a baby, I think you being a Doctor you would know that."

"I know, but if I say it, then it's real."

"Hello McFly, it's real"

"Shut up Sloan." Meredith grabbed her over sized purse. "I'm going home."


	21. Behind Blue Eyes

**I'm so excited about tonight, yeeeeeeee, anyways this chapter is about Derek, sorry no baby talk yet, but it's coming, soon I promise.**

**21- Behind Blue Eyes**

_No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes -The Who_

Derek was still mad when drove out of Joe's parking lot. His blood was still pumping through his veins. He had driven 7 hours to get home. He hadn't even been to the trailer, he wanted to surprise Meredith. He first drove by Meredith's, but her jeep wasn't there, so he decided to check the hospital, and that's when he saw the jeep at Joe's. He imagined her sitting at the bar with Tequila lined up in front of her, while Christina teased her. When he saw Mark standing with her, and whispering in her ear, it was all too much. Then when she followed him outside and started yelling at him, it was even more too much, but it was Mark that pushed him over the edge, coming to Meredith's rescue like the white knight. He was suppose to be her white knight, not Mark Sloan.

It wasn't only Meredith making him edgy, he had talked to his lawyer the night before and Addison's lawyer, her brother, had rejected the divorce settlement that Derek had drawn up. They were out for blood, blood that he wasn't willing to give up.

He really wasn't sure what to make of everything that Mark had told him, there was a lot to digest. Mark was right, he was being self destructive and he was taking Meredith down with him, and it wasn't fair to her. He wasn't sure if he knew himself anymore.

Derek found himself at his and Meredith's spot where they would go to watch the ferry boats and make love. Now he stood there, leaning against his rental car watching them alone, a contemplating his life, past, present and future.

His family had moved to Queens from Maine when he was only 8, so he had never truly acquired the New York accent. He hadn't always known he wanted to be a doctor, let alone a surgeon. During and after high school he had worked as a mechanic with his dad. Derek had built his first car by the time he was 17, and old Camero, he smiled every time he thought of that car. It was almost his only claim to fame in his Queens neighbourhood. Derek sister Janice still had the car parked at her home in up state New York, he always wanted to get it and restore it again, but Addison didn't want him working on cars in case something happened to his hands. He understood where she was coming at, mechanics hands seemed to never come clean, but he still missed his car.

Derek had grown up around Hospital as much as he did a garage, his mother Molly had been a nurse. Derek had been out of school for almost two years when he came home and told his parents he wanted to be a doctor. They were a little hesitant at first, but he had saved money to get himself through college, and then if he kept good grades he could apply for student loans and grants to pay for the rest.

He was 22 years old when he met 20 year old Mark Sloan on the first day of Pre-Med at Columbia. Derek was a little in awe of the cocky rich kid that was his roommate. Right from Day one Mark let it be known he was only becoming a doctor to annoy his parents, and also that's why he was in public housing rather then a private apartment. Everything Mark did in those days was just to annoy his family, Derek had to wonder if that was why Mark had befriended him.

They had been inseparable back then. Derek had to admit he was not the best looking guy in there class, he was skinny, not overly tall and had a mass of black curls, but thanks to Mark he was never dateless. Girls were lining up to get to Mark, and they always had a girlfriend for Derek. Mark was right, they were like brothers. Derek had even let Mark date one of his sisters. Derek really didn't have a memory form Pre-Med that didn't include Mark. Even Marks interest with reconstructive surgery had began because of Derek's motorcycle accident, something sparked in Mark when Derek had to get his nose reset, Mark picked he specialty right then and there. Things didn't change until Med school. Now that Derek knew the truth about Marks feelings for Addison it all made sense. The moment Addison had walked into class Derek had turned to Mark and said, _"Meet the future Mrs. Derek Shepherd."_

_"You seriously think she'll go out with you?"_

_"She will Mark, just wait and see."_

Derek had learned a lot of things from the girls Mark had set him up with, he had actually become charming, and he learned how to use his two best features to his advantage and was his smile and his blue eyes. He had approached Addison at lunch one day, she was studying, she was always studying.

"_Addison right?" Derek asked as he sat down._

_"Yes, and you are Derek," she looked around the room "You other half seems to be missing, Mark?"_

_"He's busy."_

_"Can I help you with something?" she asked. He hair was a softer auburn back then, but her eyes were still large and beautiful._

_"There's a party on Friday, and I would be the luckiest guy on this campus if you go with me."_

_"Your asking me out?" She had looked confused._

_"Yes, is that okay?"_

_"Why me?" She asked._

_"Honestly?"_

_"Honestly, why me?" she asked again._

_"Because the moment you walked into class I knew I was going to Marry you." He smiled and looked deep into her green eyes._

The truth must have worked because she said yes, and before either one knew it they were dating exclusively. Mark had started to becoming brooding and in fact seemed to go through woman even faster then he had back in pre-med. Derek had always assumed it had something to do with his parents, but now it made sense, Mark had been in love with Addison.

Derek and Addison didn't have the ideal courtship. Her family was rich and very political. Her father had made it clear that he was not happy about Derek dating his daughter. Despite her families objections they did get married only three years after they had started dating. Derek had thought she looked like an angel in her wedding dress. The wedding was perfect, with the exception of Mark getting drunk and Derek finding him in a closet with one of the waitresses having sex. Derek had never told Addison that, he didn't want her thinking bad of Mark. It was hard to wrap his brain around that 11 years later Derek would find Mark and Addison in bed together. Derek had felt like his world had disappered that night, nothing he believed in had been real, it was all a lie, his friendship, his marriage it was all a lie.

He still couldn't explain why he had just got up and left. All he knew was that he was drowning in New York and he needed a change, and Richards offer was the perfect solution. Derek had never imagined he would fall in love again, especially with a self absorbed, neurotic intern, but he did and he still was madly in love with her. Now he couldn't imagine his life with out her, ever. Mark had been right, he needed to focus on the Divorce, and then he could spend the rest of his life making it up to Meredith.

Derek un-clipped his cell phone and flipped it open. He dialed an all to familiar number. "Hello," his mom answered.

"Hey mom."

"Derek honey," he smiled at least she didn't call him Der-Bear.

"How's things there?"

"Oh good, your father, whose suppose to be retired," Derek knew she was saying it loud so his dad could hear him. "Is helping Keith build a car, kind of like you did when you were that age."

"I think I was younger then Keith. What's it like with grand kid living with you."

"Well I'm glad his mother raised him right, his father, well you know what Keith's father is like."

"Ya I do mom."

"Whats wrong Der-Bear you sound unhappy." His mother always knew when something was worng.

"Me and Addison are getting a divorce."

"Oh sweetie, for real this time? Did she have another affair, because your sister Janice called and told me Mark had moved to Seattle."

"No mom she didn't have an affair," Derek didn't like keeping things from his mom, "I did."

"You did, you had an affair, you broke your vows?"

"Yes mom I did."

Derek could he a scuffle on the phone, he wasn't surprise when his dad was on the line, "Hey son, whats going on?"

"I told mom me and Addi are getting divorced and I had an affair."

"I thought you two were working it out?"

"We were, but remember I told you and mom I had dated someone out here when we were separated, it wasn't just a fling, I fell in love, like real love."

"Like when you met Addison."

"No it was different, more intense, mind blowing even."

"This is the woman you had an affair with."

"Yes it was, and I'm hoping when this is all over that you could welcome her into the family."

"Your planning on getting re-married already."

"Maybe not married right away, but my future is with Meredith."

"Addison's family been in touch with you yet."

"No, well Chris is her lawyer."

"Be careful son, that father of hers."

"I know, Dad I did a really dumb thing tonight."

"Whats that?" his dad asked.

"I've been out of town, and when I came back I saw Meredith and Mark playing darts, we all work together, but I got jealous and was pretty nasty to both of them."

"You need to apologize son."

"I know."

"To both of them."

"I know. I found out tonight that Mark had been in love with Addison since school."

"That doesn't surprise me son."

"Why?"

"I always thought that Mark maybe looked at your wife in away he shouldn't. Hold on your mother wants you back."

"Derek."

"Yes mom."

"I love you and I hope you can come and see us soon."

"I'll try, maybe I can find time to bring Meredith with me if that would be OK."

"That would be nice, I know you going to hate this, but give Mark and Addison my love, I know it's wrong, but she still my daughter in-law, and I always felt sorry for Mark."

"I'll tell them mom."

"Okay honey, I love you."

"I love you too mom, bye."

Derek closed his phone. He didn't know how long he sat watching the boats, but he sat there until the air grew cold around him. He decided it was time to go home to the trailer.


	22. BITTER SWEET SYMPHONY

Chapter 22 - **ORDINARY DAY**

Derek was getting impatient with his divorce proceedings. Addison was going for the jugular. Every time he tried to talk to her she would look at him and say, "Talk to my lawyer." It was beginning to be a little to much.

The Meredith problem was also getting to be a little much. He wanted to apologize he really did but whenever they were alone the words soon to get stuck. It still irked him that she was "friends" with Mark. To top it off he found out that while he was away she got Addison drunk. His brain couldn't wrap around the idea of Addison drinking, let alone with Meredith.

Derek hated to admit it but he knew the only person that could help him was Mark. Derek wasn't the type of man that could swallow his pride, but enough was enough. He found Mark in his office."Well this is a surprise," Mark was practically gloating at the fact that Derek was in his office.

"Whatever, I just need you to ask Addison to pull the dogs off." Derek stood only in the doorway, refusing to go in all the way.

"Hey sorry man but Addi does what she wants, I don't tell her what to do," Mark plastered his cocky smile on his handsome face.

"Your trying to tell me you haven't influence her at all through this," Derek said skeptically.

"No not at all."

"Does that go for Meredith too?"

"No, Meredith needs someone to guide her the right path, I told her not to give in until she gets an apology, I want to see the noble Derek Shepherd get all humble."

"You are enjoying this aren't you?"

"You have no clue how much," Mark said as he leaned back in his chair and smiled.

"Fine," Derek turned to leave.

"I'll try and talk to Addi." Mark called out.

Derek stopped and turned to look at Mark over his shoulder, "Thank You."

* * *

"Hey Addi," Mark called out to her as he was opening them a bottle of wine and she was getting changed in the bathroom. 

"Yes Mark?"

"Do you think that Chris is going after Derek a little too hard?"

"Excuse me?" she asked from the bathroom door.

Mark walked over to her, "I just don't get why you have to be the vengeful soon to be ex wife, I thought you were moving on, I thought we were moving on."

Addison didn't say anything, she pursed her lips together and stared into Marks hazel eyes. "Addi I love you and have never stopped, but if you want to be with me, really want to be with me then you'll stop this insane quest you have to ruin Derek." Mark turned and walked out of her hotel room.

It was only half an hour later that Mark heard the faint knock on his door. He had to wonder if he had gone to far with giving her an ultimatum. He took a deep breath and opened the door. She had changed into a black t-shirt and a pair of capris. Her eyes looked up in to his, she looked like she wanted to cry, but crying wasn't Addison. "I'm sorry," she whispered, she stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around him, "I don't want to loose you, I lost you once I can't do it again. Chris is going to meet with Derek's lawyers next week and get a fair settlement drawn up." Mark pulled her into his suite and told her thank you. She replied by kissing him deeply.

* * *

"Still not talking to McDreamy?" Christina asked Meredith during morning rounds. 

"Nope, not until he apologizes, plus he's still married." Meredith knew it was a poor excuse, but it wasn't like Derek was talking to her either. She had tried to avoid him as much as possible, she was scared that he would some how know by looking at her, and she still wasn't ready to tell him he was going to be a father. She really wasn't ready to tell anyone, but her friends were so busy with their own lives that they had no clue.

"You know your going to forgive him, so why not do it and put him out of his misery."

Meredith knew what Christina was talking about, Derek looked terrible. His eyes looked tired and she was pretty sure that he had almost given up shaving. "Mer you don't look good either, Izzie says you've been crying at night."

"Izzie must be hearing things," Meredith said dismissively. She knew Izzie wasn't hearing things, Meredith cried her self to sleep every night, she wanted to blame it on hormones, but she knew that wasn't the reason, she was torn. She wanted to forgive Derek for jumping to conclusions about her and Mark, but her pride wouldn't let her, which was not good because she had to tel him about the baby and soon, she was over 5 weeks now and she knew she had been very lucky that she had not had any morning sickness, but the naseousness was getting harder to his. She was surprised that no one had commented on skipping lunch. The smell of cafeteria was making her feel sick to her stomach.

"You need a night at Joe's, with me and Jose."

"Ya that's going to help," Meredith said slightly sarcastic.

"George is coming over to watch the game with Burke on Thursday night, so we could go to Joe's after work."

Meredith knew she should tell Christina right then and there but she couldn't seem to find the words. "That sounds good," was all she could manage. Thursday, Meredith knew she had to tell everyone on Thursday, first Christina, then Izzie and the George, and somewhere Derek.

It was like he knew she was thinking about him, all of a sudden he was walking towards them. 'He looks thinner,' she thought to herself.

"Dr. Yang, Dr, Grey," he said as he passed them. Meredith turned her head so she could watch him walk away over her shoulder, he did the same thing. Their eyes met for a moment, blue staring into blue. Meredith managed a small smiles, which caused his brows to furrow and then he broke their gaze.

"Seriously Meredith just forgive him already," Christina said again as they entered their patients room.

* * *

Izzie was not having a good day, she felt extremely stressed. Frank had called the night before and was asking if she had made a decision on Denny's condo, which she hadn't. All she knew is she couldn't live in it, hell she couldn't even bring herself to look at it, Frank had reassured her that all Denny's possessions had been removed, but still she couldn't bring herself to go there. 

It was helping her day that Addison was being extremely happy almost glowing, Izzie wanted to be miserable but Addison was not letting her. "Ok Dr. Stephens, what is it?" Addison pulled her a side after going over their patient list for the day.

"Whats what?" Izzie asked, she tried to smile but she must have failed miserably.

"You, you aren't yourself, you seemed like you were feeling better and now, now I don't know." Addison said, studying her young protege.

"Maybe Dr. Shepherd your just to happy, your the one all glowy and perky, it's disturbing, like salmon scrubs."

Addison smiled at the intern, she couldn't help herself. She had made love with Mark the night before and that morning before work, she hadn't felt that good in a long time. She hadn't realized it was showing, but according to Izzie's revelation it was showing all over. "Dr. Sloan," was all Addison managed to get out.

"Oh," Izzie responded and started laughing a bit, feeling a little uncomfortable but at the same time happy for Addison, "Glow away then."

"Sorry I really don't mean to, but it's been a long time since it was like that," Addison knew her intern was the last person she should talk about her sex life to, after all she was friend and roommate the the woman who stole her husband.

"Dr. Shepherd wasn't? Because he sounds like he would be, and I know that was very wrong to say, but her room is across from mine, and the house has thin walls."

"No its OK, were women, women talk, and I don't have anyone to talk to. I really don't have any friends here in Seattle."

"Well, we're in profession where its hard to have friends, I don't think the four of us would have been so close if me and George hadn't moved in."

Addison smiled, "So you know why I'm a ball of happiness, why are you so dark today?"

"Denny left me some stuff in his will, and one was his condo and the lawyer needs to know soon if I'm going to sell it, but I don't know, I was thinking about sub leasing it, but I don't have time to interview people, so I probably will sell it."

"Where is it?"

"Umm, south west beach drive, I've driven past it a few times, it looks lovely, but I can't bring myself to go see it."

"You would seriously Sub-let it?"

"Ya, if I could find a tenant, but like I said I don't have time to interview people."

"What about your boss?" Addison asked.

"What?"

"I can't live in a hotel forever, and I don't want to buy something yet because I have no clue what I'm going to do when my contract is up in two and half years. So it may solve both our problems."

"Seriously, your interested."

"I could go check it out if your too uncomfortable about it, if you trust me enough, or if you wanted someone to go with?"

Izzie hesitated, she knew it was one thing working Addison, but renting a condo to her, and spending time with her outside of the hospital might be too much, especially if Meredith found out, and she had been acting strangly enough, it was almost like Meredith was withdrawing from all of them, she barely ate lunch with them at all anymore.

Addison must have noticed her hesitation, "Why don't you spend sometime thinking about it, and let me know later today."

"OK, that would be good." Izzie said with a slight smile.

"So lets go check on some labouring mothers."

* * *

Derek had been out of surgery for only a few minutes when his phone began to ring, "Hello." 

"Derek its Frank, Chris Montgomery was in touch this morning." His lawyer said.

"And?"

"He wants to get this all cleared up by Thursday, he's flying in. Is Thursday morning first thing good."

"I'll arrange my schedule to allow it, I want this done." Derek's mouth started to smile, this was good.

"I don't blame you, Meredith is lovely."

"She is, too bad she's not talking to me."

"Fight?" Frank asked.

"Something like that, but hey I'll see you Thursday morning." Derek flipped his phone closed and stepped into the elevator. He knew he should thank Mark for the turn of events, but he couldn't bring himself to do it again. Derek didn't want to be friends or friendly with Mark Sloan, it was bad enough he had to tolerate seeing him in the halls, but friends never again. As for Mark and Addison they were welcomed to each other, that for some reason didn't bother him, it bothered him thinking about Meredith being friends with the two of them, but them together was not an issue.

When the elevator opened Derek wasn't surprised to see Mark getting on. Derek thought about leaving, but he didn't want to give him the satisfaction. At first neither on said anything, "I talked to her," Mark said.

"I know, Chris is coming in on Thursday."

"Your Welcome."

Derek chuckled, "I didn't thank you."

"Doesn't matter."

"Yes it does, you can't say your welcome, unless I thank you."

"You thanked me yesterday."

"That was yesterday." Derek had no clue why he was keeping the banter going, but for a moment it was college all over again.

"I didn't say your welcome then, now I am."

"Whatever," the elvator door opened and Derek got out. He couldn't do it, he couldn't let himself forgive Mark.


	23. The Winner Takes It All

**Chapter 23 - The Winner Takes It All**

Addison drove to the airport by herself on Wednesday night to pick her brother up. She stood waiting at the terminal. She broke into a large smile when she saw her younger brother, Christopher. He was tall with dark mahogany hair, that was always kept short and trendy, and as always he was dressed in a suit. She started to walk towards him, but faltered when she saw their father walking with him. 'What the hell,' she thought to herself. "Chris," she greeted as she have her brother a hug, and then leaned to kiss her fathers cheek, "Dad what are you doing here?"

"I decided to join your brother and make sure that this gets done right this time." Addison looked over to her brother who only shrugged.

"Lets get our bags dad so Addi can get us to the hotel." Chris suggested trying to break the tension between father and daughter.

Her father marched to the baggage claim, the siblings walked slower, "Don't Addi, I couldn't stop him."

"It's only one night, hopefully he doesn't cause too much damage," Addison said optimistically.

As soon as they got into her Lexus her father started in on her, "This is a circus, had you just signed the prenuptial agreement I wanted you to 12 years ago, none of this would be happening."

"I don't regret that decision dad."

"You should your brother is a very busy lawyer, partner in a high profile firm and he's stuck doing Pro-Bono work for his sister, who was too in love to get a prenuptial. I told you Derek Shepherd would ruin you." Addison didn't say anything, her mind wandered back to the day her father presented her with the papers.

_She sat in his office and he handed her the papers, "I want you to sign this and have him sign it as well."_

_Addison looked down at the papers in her hands, "You want me to sing a prenuptial agreement. No, no I love Derek and he loves me." She looked up at her father, seeing him for the first time not as the man she adored through her child hood, but as a man who's on concern was money and power._

_"Addison you're a lovely girl, but so is your inheritance and good name."_

_"You think Derek cares anything about money, he's not like that."_

_"You can't live on love alone and you just don't understand how the world works," her father said, his green eyes now cold and angry._

_"Maybe not, but I know how my world works, and my world needs his smile and the way he looks at me and how he knows where in New York to get the best hot dog, that's my world." She stood up and went to leave the room._

_"I'll disinherit you." he called out._

_Addison stopped and turned around, "I don't care. I love him and we're getting married."_

_"You'll rue the day Addison, maybe not now, but one day," he father warned._

Addison had never told Derek about the meeting with her father. Derek had never been fooled in thinking that her father approved of him, he knew their marriage had put a strain on Addison's relationship with her family but he had no clue just how much.

* * *

Derek was up early on Thursday morning, his meeting at Frank's wasn't until 8:30 and he had over two hours to kill, so he decided to go fishing. He loved watching the sunrise over the lake, there was something very peaceful about inn, almost inspirational, had he needed some inspiration. He wanted to get everything finished that morning and then he could go on and fix him and Meredith. Looking at her and not being with her was killing him. He needed to be with her almost as much as he needed air to breath.

He caught a lake trout that morning and was smiling when he got back to the trailer. He was still smiling when he answered a call on his cell. "Hello."

"Thought I'd give you a heads up buddy," Marks voice said, "Addi's dad came in with Chris last night. She had no clue until he got here."

"Shit," Derek replied.

"I thought you would like to know."

"I guess I should thank you," Derek said.

"I guess I should say your welcome," Mark hung up leaving Derek to ponder how to deal with Judge Montgomery.

Derek had never dealt well with Addison's father. Even the first time they met. Him and Addison had only been dating two months when she took him home for thanksgiving dinner. It was a small dinner with Addison, her parents, Chris and his college girlfriend, her aunt and uncle and their three kids that were about the same age as Chris. It was a much smaller and more formal Thanksgiving then what Derek was used to. The Shepherd thanksgiving usually had two dozen or more people at their dinners, and always included football, watching it and playing it.

_Derek and Addison were sitting with the rest of the family in front living room when the questions for Derek started. "So Derek are you from New York?" Addison's mother asked._

_"Not originally, we lived in Maine until I was 8 and then we moved to New York, but my parents family is still back in Maine." Derek didn't mind talking about him or his family. He was always proud of his parents._

_"So where in New York do your parents live?" her mother asked again._

_"Queens, my dad is a mechanic there and my moms a nurse."_

_"Is she the reason you decided to become a doctor?"_

_"I spent about the same amount of time at the Hospital and the garage so I could have gone either way, I think my father was a little disappointed that I didn't follow in his footsteps."_

_"Don't listen to him," Addison interrupted, "His parents are proud of him, Derek is going to be a Neurosurgeon, and one of the best in the country," she smiled lovingly at him "He graduated top of his Pre-Med class."_

_"Addi please," Derek protested. He picked her hand up and held it in his._

_"Where did you go for pre-med?" Her aunt now asked._

_"Columbia."_

_"Why didn't you return out east form Med school I hear they have some excellent programs at Harvard and Dartmouth?" she asked._

_"I thought about it, but my roommate Mark convinced me to stay in New York, plus I wouldn't have met Addison had I gone away."_

_"Daddy you might know Mark's family, I believe the Sloan's are members at the club. Joyce and Lawrence Sloan." Addison said._

_"Oh yes, I heard their youngest was turning his back on Politics." Her father said coldly. "So Derek what do you do when your not studying or spending time with our Addison?"_

_"I love to fish, my dad and me are the only two men in the family so it's our thing."_

_"How many sisters do you have?" The questions were getting tiresome._

_"Four, Janice, Nicole, Nancy, and Laurie."_

_"Oh my and where do you fall into that group?" her mother was asking again._

_"I'm the second youngest, Laurie is just 20, but the other three are all married, Janice and Nicole have three kids each and Nancy has her first one on the way."_

_"So you have a large family, is that your goal in life too?" Her father was looking at Derek._

_"No, not specifically, Yes I want to get married one day and maybe have a child or two, but becoming a surgeon and saving lives is the most important thing to me."_

_"Where does are Addison fall into all these plans?"_

_"Well sir we have only been together for a few months, but I believe our goals are very similar. She's incredible and I think she's going to be a fantastic Doctor one day." Derek could tell her father wasn't happy with that answer. He had never been anything but cold to Derek since that day._

* * *

Derek and Frank spent nearly an hour going over financial records with the Montgomery's, both sides arguing about what percentage of what property was bought with who's money. Derek was getting frustrated and was relieved when they decided to break so Frank could meet another client for a moment. Derek was completely surprised to see Izzie in the waiting room.

"Izzie," he said with a slight smile.

Izzie didn't smile back, her brown eyes were cold. "Dr. Shepherd."

"Oh now are you mad at me because of your roommate or your boss, because lately it's anyone's guess." He walked away from Izzie leaving the statement hanging in the air.

"She cries," Izzie called out. Derek stopped. "Every night she cries and she doesn't think we can hear her, but we can." Derek stayed still for a moment, his heart started to beat faster, Meredith was crying, the thought alone made his stomach sick. Derek took a breath and finished walking to the washroom, he didn't trust him self to respond to Izzie, it was too hard. HE looked in the mirror for a long time, he asked himself how he got there, and tried to find the answers in his own reflection, but they didn't seem to be there.

Derek went back into the boardroom with the Montgomery's. Frank had yet to return. Addison was starring at the wall in front of her, the look on her face was the one she got right before she cried. Chris was flipping through folders, and her father just glared at Derek.

"Sorry about that," Frank said when he sat back down.

"Frank," Derek stood up, "I have patients to check on, but I can't do this anymore, just give her whatever she wants," he looked over at Addison, who was now starring at him. "This has been dragged out long enough, you win, the winner takes it all," he said as he walked from the room, Frank close behind him.

"Derek what are you doing, what about everything we decided on, do you realize what you're doing?"

"I think for once I do," Derek smiled, "Call me and let me know when I can sign," he said as he walked out of the office.

Addison wasn't sure what to say. She was still starring at the spot where Derek was. He was willing to give her whatever she wanted. Derek was right it had been going on too long. "Well this is a turn of event," her father said when Derek's lawyer re entered the room.

Addison stood up and looked at her brother and father, "No alimony, anything to do with Seattle is his, and the New York properties are to be sold and split 50/50."

"Addison what are you doing?" Her brother asked.

"Ending this for good. He said anything I wanted and this is what I want."


	24. Hate Me

Chapter 24 - HATE ME

Meredith woke up with on her bad feelings that morning. She laid in bed wondering if it was because she was going to be telling people about the baby, she was an avoider, she didn't like confrontation of any kind, she liked the theory that if you ignore it, it will go away, but this was something that wouldn't go away, she was having Derek's baby and that was all there was to it. When she finally got out of bed she had her first bout of morning sickness. She was so happy that she was running late and no one else was in the bathroom. She still wasn't ready to tell Izzie and George before she could tell Derek. The bad feeling didn't leave her, it hung over her all morning.

Just before lunch Meredith ran into Mrs. Webber, who did not look thrilled to be face to face with Eliis Grey's daughter. "Sorry Mrs. Webber."

"Meredith isn't it?"

"Yes Meredith Grey."

"I know who you are, you're no different then your mother."

Meredith felt her face burn red at first she thought she heard her wrong, "Excuse me?" Meredith managed to squeak out.

"You home wrecker just like your mother." Meredith couldn't respond she stood there starring at the older woman's face, unable to talk or move.

"Adele what are you doing?" Dr. Webber called to his wife.

"Good bye Meredith," Mrs Webber said and turned and walked to her husband.

Meredith stood there lost in the moment. She really couldn't believe that had happen. She was still standing there when Derek approached her, she hadn't even seen him.

"What was that?" Derek asked.

"You don't want to know," she stammered and then turned to walk away, Derek started walking with her.

"Does this mean we're speaking?" he asked.

"I guess so," She stopped and looked at him, " Is Everything OK you don't look good?"

"It's almost over Mer," he said with a slight smile.

"What?"

"I told them to give her whatever she wanted this morning, Frank called and the papers should be drawn up by tomorrow."

"Oh, you must be happy." She turned from him again.

"Meredith this is for me and you."

"Whatever."

"Meredith stop and listen to me."

She spun and look at him, but decided that was bad because she could feel her stomach turn. "I have patients right now, I don't want to deal with this here."

"Then see me tonight."

"I'm suppose to meet Christina at Joe's."

"Then I'll meet you there, wait for me, I have a surgery until ten, so wait for me, please Mer."

"I'll be there, but I'm not waiting for you, if you show up I'll talk to you."

"Good, OK then," his smile got a little brighter.

Meredith had planned to tell Christina about the baby that night, so she knew it was as good as ever a time to tell Derek. Sooner or later people were going to figure it out, it was hard trying to hide a pregnancy with two roomates, and especially with ones that are doctors.

* * *

"Look Dad it's over, just go home to New York with Chris," Addison said to her father as he walked through the hospital with her.

"You shouldn't have given in, he cheated on you."

"I cheated first." Addison said.

"He forgave you, and then he cheated on you,"

Addison wasn't sure why she looked at over Derek and Meredith talking, they didn't look happy, well she didn't look happy, he looked anxious. Her father caught her eye and saw them. "Is that her, is that the little tramp?"

"Dad leave it alone, it's over, for good this time."

"Are you going to be seeing Mark Sloan now that your divorced?"

"That's my business."

"He's much better suited for you, not like Shepherd."

"Dad again give it a break. For me, you want me to be happy, well I am happy. I have a great job, I'm moving into a great condo, I have friends, I'm happy. Please just go back to New York and let me live my life."

* * *

"You there," Meredith saw an elderly man in his mid to late sixties wave her down, he didn't look like a patient and looked rather annoyed.

"Can I help you sir."

"Are you her, the one that destroyed my daughters marriage," Meredith wanted to die right then and there.

"Who, who are you."

"You've destroyed other marriages besides my Addison's."

"Your Addison's father?"

"Yes, yes I am. Don't you ever think your better then her, he's trash, just educated trash and I'm glad he's out of her life."

Meredith again stood there like a bump in the log, her face burning red again.

"Judge Montgomery," Meredith heard Marks calm voice behind her. "Are you lost?" He turned to Meredith. "I can take care of this Dr. Grey."

"Thank you Dr. Sloan," she said with her new squeaky voice that she had discovered twice now that day.

Meredith walked away quickly and darted into one of the patients bathroom and quickly brought up the few crackers that she had eaten that day. She sunk to the floor after and banged her head gently against the wall and kept asking herself 'Why me?'

* * *

Meredith's second half of the day went a lot better then the first, but her stomach kept clenching the moment she thought about telling Derek, at least she would get to tell Christina first, and she could run some ideas over on her on how to tell Derek. She wished she had more time, but she knew she had to do it tonight.

After she finished changing she decided to walk to Joe's and get some fresh air, hoping it would clear her head. She probably was going to have to tell Christians right away, she would never believe Meredith if she told her that she just didn't feel like drinking.

Her thoughts were so jumbled that she barely heard Mark calling her name from the far side of the parking lot. She stopped in the middle and looked his way, she waved, and then she heard him yell, "Grey, Meredith," then all she could see was bright lights and then nothing.


	25. Fractured Mirror

Ok I am realllllly bad at medical stuff, I did look somethings up, but I'm pretty sure none of this will be right, so please give me some creative license, plus I'm an accountant, I shouldn't even be writing! LOL!

Chapter 25 - Fractured Mirror

Mark rushed to the trauma ward with a limp semi unconsciousness Meredith in his arms, Christina close behind him. "We have a hit and run, head trauma and other injuries undetermined," Mark yelled out to one of the nurses as he took Meredith into one of the trauma rooms.

"Is that Dr. Grey?" the nurse asked.

"Yes, now page both Dr. Shepherds."

"Both?" Asked the confused nurse.

"Yes both, she's 5-6 weeks pregnant."

Christina stopped and looked at Mark. "I'm gathering from the look Yang that she hadn't told you yet."

"No," Christina looked down at Meredith who had just slipped out of consciousness again. "I'm so sorry Mer," she whispered.

* * *

Derek had just gotten out of surgery and was on his way to the locker room when he was paged. 911-Trauma. "Shit," he said under his breath, he was worried he was going to miss Meredith. He would go to the Trauma ward check things over and then call her if he needed to. He made his way quickly to the trauma ward. A nurse hurried over to him, "Dr. Shepherd, I was paged." 

"Dr. Shepherd, we have a hit and run, female 29 year old, 5-6 weeks pregnant, in and out of consciousness," Derek followed the nurse down towards the trauma room.

"Did you page someone from Gyno for a consult?"

"Yes, we paged the other Dr. Shepherd."

"Very good," Derek slowed his pace when he saw Mark and Christina in the trauma room, both in street clothes, leaning over gurney. Meredith was going to be with Christina at Joe's. She still had to be there, of course she was there, drinking tequila and waiting for him. As he opened the trauma room door his world stopped, there on the gurney, one side of her face bloodied was his Meredith. Derek's heart felt like it was going to pop out of his chest it was beating so hard. He didn't even hear the nurse call his name. All he could focus on was Meredith, he barley even noticed Mark or Christina anymore. Then Mark was there in his face, "Derek she needs you now!" Then everything just started up again and chaos resumed. Derek took a deep breath and reminded himself he was the best, and Meredith was his patient now. He leaned over the gurney, Meredith was whimpering in pain. He pulled out his flash light for a pupil exam. "Meredith can you hear me?"

She groaned, "Mer honey it's Derek can you hear me."

"Derek," the words were barley above a whisper, he eyes fluttered open. "I'm sorry, Derek, I'm sorry." she kept repeating.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," he told her. He looked up at Christina and Mark. "What happen?"

"Derek I don't know," Mark said. "I saw her going over to Joe's, she was standing in the parking lot, I called out to her, and the pickup seem to come out of no where, I swear I have no clue how it happen. She got hit on left side and hit the cement on her right side."

The trauma door opened and this time it was Izzie, "I was sent down Dr. Shepherds in surgery, she sent me down to check on the hit and run, why is that Meredith," her brown eyes swam with tears, Christina came over right away. "Why is that Meredith, Meredith's not pregnant, and why is she here?"

"Izzie focus, Meredith's been hurt and she is almost 6 weeks pregnant," Christina looked back at Derek for a moment, there eyes met. "Derek are we going for a CT?"

"Ya," he said almost breathless, he looked over at the nurse, "call CT and let them know were on our way up."

"Yes Dr. Shepherd," the nurse left the room.

"OK Izzie, you go back to Dr. Shepherd and tell that she's was hit on her left side, so there was no direct frontal abdominal trauma and that we're taking her up for a CT and that she should send someone for a consult to see if the fetus is OK." Christina said with her hands holding Izzie still.

"OK Christina." Izzie said and left the room reluctantly. She hurried back up to Neonatal, she grabbed a mask and entered the surgical room where Addison was just finishing a c-section. "Yes Dr. Stephens, you have word on the trauma patient."

"Yes, yes Dr. Shepherd."

"OK what do we have?" Addison asked as she worked on her patient.

Izzie stalled for a moment, "29 year old female, 6 weeks gestation, impact was on her left side, no frontal abdominal trauma. There taking her for a CT, Dr. Shepherd is the surgeon."

"OK, so the early gestation could be a blessing along with the fact that she wasn't hit in the front. Sounds like I can finish up here before I check for a heartbeat, anything else?"

Izzie paused, "Dr. Shepherd."

"Yes Dr. Stephens."

"Addison It's," Izzie again paused she hated to do this, "it's Meredith."

Addison's head shot up, "Grey?" she knew it was a stupid question, there was only one Meredith.

"Yes. Do you want me to get one of the other Attending?"

"No. I'll do it."

"I'll let them know." Izzie said.

* * *

Derek, Christina and Mark sat in the small room looking at Meredith's CT films. Derek pointed to the film, "See that, she has right temporal epidural hematoma, It doesn't look like there was any midline shift, which is good, but I have to operate, and soon or she's not going to make it." 

"You up to this Derek?" Mark asked.

"I have to be, I've done this surgery many times..."

"This is Meredith, Derek, this is different."

"You don't think I know that, I know it's Meredith," he snapped at Mark. He turned to look at Chrisitna, "Christina are you scrubbing in, or do I need to get another intern?"

"No, I can do this." Christina said.

"OK then. Let's do this."

* * *

While the three doctors were scanning Meredith's CT films, Izzie was with Meredith, who was having a lucid interval. "Meredith when Addison gets here were gonna try and find the baby's heart beat and do an ultrasound." 

"I want this baby, Derek, where's Derek?"

"His coming Mer, he's looking at your CT films, and he'll be here," Izzie held Meredith's hand and held back her tears.

Addison came into the room, she kept telling herself it was just another patient, but she had to pause when she saw Meredith laying there on the gurney and Izzie holding her hand. This wasn't just a patient and just another baby, this was Meredith, and more than likely her husbands baby, ex-husbands baby she corrected herself. This was the baby she had prayed for herself to have and never could. In that second she realized she would move heaven and earth is she had to, to see this baby born.

"Meredith," she said as she leaned over her.

"Addison, Addison," she closed her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are, I forgive you for because, well because, alright let's just see how this baby is doing."

Addison and Izzie were finished by the time the Mark entered the room. Derek and Christina had gone to get ready for the surgery. "So?" Mark asked Addison.

Addison led Mark out of the room. "There's no heart beat yet, but that's normal at this point, but there is a fetal pole, which makes me think that everything is going to be fine with the baby at this point. What was the outcome of the CT?"

"Derek's got go in, she has a moderate sized EDH that needs to be evacuated and repaired. Do you think the baby will survive?"

"Again she's real early on which can be a blessing, but also could bad too, right now I'm optimistic."

Mark nodded. "Did you know this whole time?" Addison asked as she rubbed her hands over her face and into her hair.

"Last couple of weeks, yes."

"Why didn't you tell me. Is it Derek's?"

"It wasn't my secret to tell Addi, it was hers, and yes it's Derek's, I don't think there's been anyone else in a long time. Addi are you going to be okay with this?" Mark said

"Does it matter, sorry, I'm going to have to be okay with this, not only is she the woman my husband fell in love with and left for me for, but she's my patient now, and I am going to do whatever I can to make sure she has this baby."

"I'm sorry Addi, I know how bad you wanted to have a baby, Derek's baby." Mark opened his arms and she naturally stepped into them. "We have each other, it's going to be alright."

Addison pulled away from Mark. She stretched up and kissed him on the lips. "Thank you." She turned and went back in the trauma room with Izzie and Meredith.

"Are you Dr. Mark Sloan?" a police officer approached Mark.

"Yes I am."

"Is there someone we can talk, I need your statement about the incident outside of the Emerald City Bar tonight."

"Whatever I can do to help," Mark lead the officer to one of the rooms reserved for patients families. They sat across from each other, the officer pulled out a note book. "Can you tell me where you were when Miss Grey was hit."

"Across the road." Mark answered.

"How many feet would you that was?"

"I really not sure but I would say about 40 feet."

"Did you see the vehicle?"

"Ya, it was a pickup truck, I couldn't tell a make or model but I would say it was an older model."

"Color?"

"Red maybe burgundy."

"Did you see which way it went?"

"No, all i saw was it hit Meredith, it reversed slightly drove around her and drove off, all I could think about was getting to her."

"May I ask you relationship to the victim?"

"Co-Workers and we're friends."

"Romantic?" the officer looked up at Mark.

"No, she's having my best friends baby."

"So she's pregnant as well, do you know if she had any enemies, anyone that would want to do her harm?"

"No, not that I know of, but her roommates would know that better then I would. Dr. Izzie Stephens and Dr. George O'Malley."

"Is Miss Grey able to answer any questions?"

"No, she's getting prepped for brain surgery."

"I hope she pulls through," the police officers phone rang. "Excuse me for a minute Dr. Sloan."

The officer got up and walked out the door. He was sonly gone a short time but when the officer came back in he had a odd expression on his face, "Well we just had a man turn himself in saying he hit a woman in a bar parking lot."

"Seriously?" Mark asked, standing up.

"Yes sir, we'll send someone around tomorrow to check on Miss Grey's status," the officer was shaking his head. "Ironic, that a vet could hit another human in a parking lot and take off."

"Vet?"

"The guy that turned himself in, is a local veterinarian."


	26. Pain

**Chapter 26 - Pain**

Derek was tired, he had been up all night. The surgery was about three hours, but it had gone well. She had awaken briefly in recovery which was a really good sign. She was then sedated before being moved into a private room on the surgical floor. Derek had refused to leave her side. He had remembered her reaction to the rape victim, Allison, that had no one.

_Derek was sitting at the nurses station outside of Allison's room, Meredith was holding her cooler. "How is she?" Meredith asked. _

_Derek looked up, "No change." _

_"Have you been here all night?"_

_"Mmm hmm. Yup. You know I have 4 sisters? Very girly, tons of kids. If I was in a coma they'd all be here. I'd want them here," he glanced at Allison. "Not having no one, can't imagine that." _

_Meredith walked over to the window and looks at Allison through the glass, "I can." _

_Derek stood up, "What are you talking about? What about you're mother? She'd be here ordering all the surgeons around," he said as he walked over to the nearest sink and washes his hands. "She'd fly these cowboys in from Prague to do these amazing medical procedures." He stood next to Meredith chuckling. _

_"That's true. I do have my mother." _

_"So? We're kissing but we're not dating?" he asked as he leaned over her shoulder/ _

_Meredith blushed, "I knew that was gonna come up." _

_Derek broke into a huge smile, "Don't get me wrong, I like the kissing. I'm all for the kissing. More kissing I say." _

_She shook her head and looked into his eyes, "I have no idea what that was about." _

_"Is it going to happen again? Because if it is I'm gonna need to bring breath mints," he lowered his voice, "Put a condom in my wallet." _

_"Shut up now." she whispered back. _

_Derek couldn't help but chuckle and then a silence descend over them, Meredith watches Allison and looked thoughtfully at Derek, "There's this baby up in nursery. He's brand new. No one's neglected him or damaged him yet. How do we get from there to here? She's wearing my shoes and some one's beat the crap out of her. And she's got nobody." _

Derek had been sitting with Meredith for nearly three hours when bailey walked into the room, she looked at her intern, "Why in the hell was I not paged," she asked Derek in hushed toned, but her words were direct none the less.

"Miranda there was no time, plus you have a baby boy to think about."

Bailey gave him her Nazi look and then picked up her chart. "You don't need to read that I was the surgeon and I'm right here."

"I'm a doctor too, just let me read the damn file." She read it over and as she hung it back on Meredith's bed, she asked, "Should I be congratulating you or the vet?"

Derek didn't say anything at first just looked at Meredith, finally he said, "It's mine, she didn't tell me, not like we've been getting along, but she could have told me, warned me, something, not have a nurse tell me, who found out from Mark Sloan, now, well now Addison is hopeful, but she won't know for awhile, but as far as I can see there is not congratulating to be done."

"I knew something had happen between you and her at the prom, but with the Izzie thing, I let it go by."

"How do you know it was the prom?"

"I can count you know," Miranda looked back to Meredith, "Do they know who did it?"

"No whoever it was took off, they sometimes never catch them."

"Does the chief no yet."

"No, but he will when he comes in."

"I guess my remaining suck ups have been here all night, there going to be dragging there asses."

"Just Yang and O'Malley, I don't think Karev knows yet, I didn't see him last night."

Bailey just nodded, "Well this will be a fine day, page me and let me know when she wakes up."

"Thanks Miranda." She smiled slightly, and took one last long look at Meredith and left the room.

Derek slid the chair closer to the bed and picked up her small hand. She looked very tiny with her head all bandaged and a large piece of gauze on the right side of her face where Mark had stitched some deep cuts from where her face hit the pavement. The only other damaged was two broken ribs from the impact of the vehicle and a dislocated shoulder , that had been popped back in by Dr. Torres.

"Has she woke again?" Mark asked from the doorway.

"No, but she's sedated still. Did you leave at all?"

"No, I tried to sleep on the on call room, but I can't, at least Addi is."

"How's she taking all of this, I mean with the, the pregnancy and all."

"Better then expected, I guess her father had words with Grey yesterday so she's feeling bad about that."

"I didn't know about that., but I didn't know about a lot of things that you did."

"Hey buddy don't start, I told her to call you in Oregon."

"You've known that long, she's known that long?"

" I recognized the signs before she did, I think I spent way to much time around your sisters when we were younger, cause it made me think of when Nancy was pregnant with her first."

"Don't Mark, don't try and act like were still friends and have this bond, because we don't."

"Whatever you say, guess i should tell you that I talked to the police last night before her surgery."

"And?"

"Looks like the guy turned himself in."

"Seriously, was he drunk?"

"They didn't say, they..."

"What?"

Mark paused, he wasn't sure how to tell him, he talked to Addison about it and she said it would be better to tell Derek straight out because he was going to find out anyways. "The officer said the guy was a local vet."

Derek's head snapped up, his jaw clenched and a vein started to pop out of his neck, he was mad. Mark had seen that look twice before, once when he was on top of Derek's wife and then in Joe's parking lot. "Derek calm down, they police have him, and he isn't going to be able to hurt her anymore."

"Dandridge, are you sure?"

"No, they just said vet, but the guy I saw stalking her at Joe's might be capable of this."

"He was stalking her and no one did anything."

"Hey I thought it was just the jealous ex-boyfriend, Grey told him she was with you and to go away, and as for as I know that was the only occurrence."

Derek stood up, "Can you sit with her for a bit, I don't want her to be alone, but I need, I don't know what I need, I just need some air or something."

"Take your time, If she wakes up I'll page you."

Derek nodded and left the room, and headed to the one place he knew he could be alone to think, the roof. It was cold and wet out, but he barely noticed, he had so many emotions rolling threw his body. He was worried about Meredith and how she would react when she woke, up, but at the same time he was angry that she didn't tell him that she was pregnant. He was also mad at Mark for keeping her secret. Christina had told him during surgery that she didn't know and was pretty sure that the other interns hadn't know either. There was another person Derek was angry at and that was himself, he hadn't seen Finn Dandridge as a danger, and he should have, had he known that Dandridge was capable of hurting Meredith he would have never have gone away and left her, but Derek knew he couldn't change the past, what was done was done. That included the pregnancy, he wasn't sure how he felt about it. His head kept telling himself that they weren't ready for a baby, not to mention he gave up any thoughts of Fatherhood years ago when Addison couldn't have children, and even after he met Meredith he hadn't even given a thought about having a child with her. He just assumed a long time ago he would never be a father. He was starring out over the city when his pager went off, she was awake.


	27. One Day At a Time

27- ONE DAY AT A TIME

Derek was breathing hard and dripping wet from the rain by the time he reached Meredith's room. She was awake, Mark was sitting next to her holding her hand. They both turned their heads when Derek entered the doorway of the room. Small silent tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"You're awake." He said breathlessly.

"I'm awake. You're Wet" She echoed, Mark stood up.

"I am," he said with a smile.

"I filled her in on just about everything," Mark said to Derek, "I'll see you later Grey."

"Thank you Sloan, for everything."

He nodded and patted Derek on the shoulder on the way out the door. Derek sat down where Mark had been sitting.

"You fixed my brain," she said quietly as Derek reached up and wiped the tears away.

"I fixed your brain." He repeated.

They sat in silence for a moment, neither one sure what to say to one another, but both knowing that so much was needed to be said. It was finally Derek who broke the silence, "I wish you had told me."

"I know, but things were pretty crazy. It's yours you know."

Derek nodded, "I never slept with Finn." Derek cringed at her mention of Finn, who was the reason she was laying there. Derek was pretty sure that Mark hadn't told her, she said Finn's name so casually, with no malice or sadness attached to it.

"Where do we go from here?" she asked.

"I'll send Christina to take you for another CT, and I guess Izzie or Addison will be in to talk to you about their course of action." Meredith reached for his hand.

"No, we as in us, where do we go Derek?"

His eyes welled up with tears, he tried to smile, "I don't know, but you have to heal. I just want to take one day at a time, and will figure it out as we go, we have time Mer."

Meredith nodded and then started to cry.

"What is it?" At first she didn't say anything, she was taking deep breaths. "Mer what?"

"My hair?"

"I only took what I needed, I know it was risky, infection and all, I couldn't bring myself to do it, Christina offered, but no, I only took a small area."

"Thank You."

"Do you need anything, I should go talk to the Chief and let the other interns know how you're doing."

"I'm tired Derek."

He leaned over and kissed her forehead, "Get some sleep, and I'll be back."

Meredith was tired but she couldn't sleep, she laid there in a kind of haze. She wanted to see her friends and explain why she hadn't told them about the baby. She really wasn't expecting Addison to be the first person to visit her, but there she was. "I heard you were awake."

"Yup, I'm awake."

"I need to go over a few things before Dr. Yang takes you for a CT."

"Okay."

Addison sat down on the edge of the bed. "Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Nope, just the head lights after that, nothing."

"Ok, me and Dr. Stephens did an ultrasound, we found the fetal pole, but no heart beat," Addison was watching Meredith's reaction, "but all that tells us is that your probably closer to five weeks then six. So I want to do another ultrasound in a few days, but I am very optimistic at this time. I need you to let Dr. Stephens know if you feel any discomfort or have any spotting in the mean time."

Meredith wasn't saying anything, she was quiet too quiet. "Dr. Grey, Meredith, are you okay?"

"Thank you Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, for everything."

"Well I owed it to you, I have made a lot of choices in my life that have resulted in hurting you, and I am the one that should apologize to you. I am truly sorry for anything my father said to hurt you, I had no clue until my Brother called and told me last night. Derek really is good man Meredith, just have faith in him. " Addison stood up, "Well I am going to my hotel and having a very long bath and changing my clothes."

"I think you should take Mark with you, he looks tired."

Addison smiled, "I was thinking that same thing. Take care Meredith."

* * *

"I thought I was your person," Christina said as she wheeled Meredith down the hall for her CT.

"You were, you are. I should have told you." Meredith said.

"Yes you should have but you told McSteamy before me, but I get why you didn't."

"I was going to tell you last night, I got side tracked." Meredith said defending her decision.

"I saw that, so you're keeping McBaby aren't you."

"Yes, if I can."

"And how is Dr. Shepherd taking the news."

"I don't know, it's hard to tell."

"You know it could all work out, this could be your fairy tale, Meredith."

Meredith chuckled, "Ya right, if it was I wouldn't have been run over by someone."

"Point taken, you know you scared the shit out of us, I thought Izzie was going to go off the deep end."

"Sorry."

"You should be."

* * *

Izzie and George came to see Meredith during their lunch. Both seemed nervous to be with her. "Would you to stop it, I'm fine, I'm going to be fine. My CT's came back clean."

"Sorry," the said in unison.

"We still don't know about the baby?" Izzie said.

"Addison said shes hopeful, and shes the expert."

"How's Shepherd taking the news?" George asked.

"I don't know, we didn't really get a chance to talk about it in detail."

"Whatever he decides, we're here for you," George said trying to smile.

Alex walked into the small room just then holding a small flower arrangement. He was dressed in his street clothes. "Hey there," he said as he placed the flowers on the table and kissed her on the forehead. "I would have been here sooner, but I just found out this morning. Nobody called me," he turned and looked at Izzie and George.

"I called, it's not my fault you were out wherever, you should really think about getting voice mail." Izzie said giving Alex a dirty look.

"Hey you could have called my cell, number hasn't changed babe."

"Hey you two," George interrupted, "I don't think this is good for the patient," he pointed towards Meredith who was starring at Alex and Izzie.

"Whatever," Izzie sighed, "Mer I'll stop by later, when it's not so crowded, come on George."

"Why do I have to go?" George whined as he stood up.

Izzie stared at him for a second and then said, "Because it's not good for the patient."

"Thanks guys," Mer said as they walked out the door.

"Jesus Meredith you sure know how to stay the center of attention." Alex said as he sat down in the empty chair next to the bed.

"Remember you all said it, I'm dark and twisty."

"Don't think your the only dark and twisty one, we all have our issues, even Bambi. So a little baby McDreamy eh?" Alex gave a small smile.

"Good news travels fast I see. Christina likes McBaby."

"And hows the new daddy taking it?"

"I don't know if he is, but we still waiting on finding a heartbeat. So till then it doesn't really matter does it. So what the hell is going on with you and Izzie?"

"Nothing," Alex said, "I think that's the most she said to me, since I told her. I get why you didn't tell Shepherd, sometimes the truth just doesn't need to be told."

"It's not like I could have hid it forever. Do you still love her?"

"Always," Alex said just above a whisper, his eyes turned sad for a moment and then he slipped the cocky "Alex Dr. Evil Spawn" face back on.

"What happen to us Alex, where are those five Interns from nearly a year ago?" Meredith asked weakly.

"They were a figment of our imaginations, never existed."

"I wish. It's your day off, how did you hear?"

"Baily."

"Oh, I haven't even seen her yet, I can't imagine what shes thinking of all this."

* * *

Derek had gone home after the results of Meredith's CT's came back clean. Derek's schedule had been cleared for the rest of the day. He had taken a long shower and even shaved, well he carved his new found beard into a half decent goatee. He then laid in bed for an hour but sleep wasn't coming.

He blamed himself for everything that had happened to Meredith. Had he just been a better husband to Addison, none of it would have happened. It all stemmed from that. He tried to imagine what both him and Meredith's lives would have been like had he never come to Seattle, but truthfully the thought made him sad. Life without Meredith wasn't worth living.

The baby thing was weighing heavy on his mind. There was a good chance that Meredith was going to have the baby, and just had to accept the consequences of his action. He had just given up on the idea of being a parent, he was going to be 40 by the time baby Grey-Shepherd would enter the world, here he was thinking he was too old, but at the same time he had to wonder if Meredith was ready to be a mother, and an intern all at the same time. He really had to wonder that if she lost the baby if it would be so bad for everyone involved. He knew thoughts like that were wrong.

It was just after three when Derek arrived back at the hospital. He was in his office going over notes when he got paged to admitting. "I was paged," he said to the nurse.

"Yes Dr. Shepherd, there's a gentleman that wants to speak to Dr. Grey's doctor."

"A reporter?"

"No, he says he's family, he's over there," the nurse pointed towards a man sitting in the waiting area.

"Thank You," Derek said to the nurse and made his way to the man that sat waiting.

"Excuse me you wanted to speak with Dr. Grey's Doctor."

"Are you Dr. Shepherd," the man asked as he stood up. He looked to be in his late 50's with dark salt and pepper hair and large blue eyes. There was something in this man that reminded Derek of O'Malley.

"Yes I am, and who are you?"

"Sorry, Thatcher Grey," he held his hand out for Derek.

At first Derek was not sure what to say and do. This was the man who had abandoned Meredith as a small child, the man Ellis Grey had left for Dr. Webber.

"I'll take it from your expression you know about me."

"Yes, well not really. Dr. Grey never talks about you, but that in it self says 1000 words."

Mr. Grey passed Derek the days newspaper, "I was a little shocked to read this."

There was a small article mentioning how a Dr. Meredith Grey, a pregnant Female Medical Intern at Seattle Grace Hospital was struck by a driver in the parking lot of The Emerald City Bar, and the a suspect did turn himself in, but his name was not being released at the time.

"My wife actually found it first, and showed it to me, I don't even know if I should be here."

"Well Mr. Grey I really don't think a visit from you at this time would be good for Meredith."

"I understand, she is going to be alright isn't she?"

"Yes, the surgery went well."

The older man smiled a little. "Do you know the man she's with, the father of the baby, is he good to her, does he make her happy."

Derek sat down on one of the chairs. "The father would be me."

Mr. . Grey sat down next to him. "Aren't you married? I thought it was your wife who delivered my youngest daughters baby, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?"

"Soon to be Ex-Wife, I'm waiting on the divorce papers to arrive any moment."

"Was Meredith the other woman, was she an affair?"

"Your daughter was anything but an affair, I love her, I haven't exactly done right by her, but I want to, I have made some huge mistakes and one was a reconciliation with my wife. Sometimes we do stupid things thinking there the right thing."

Meredith's father drew out an old school picture of a small blond girl, with huge blue grey eyes, she was smiling and her front teeth were missing. Derek studied the picture and tried not to smile, she was a very cute little girl, like he imagined she would be.

"I use to try and see her for the first few months, but Ellis wouldn't let me, I eventually stopped trying . I know it was wrong but I just didn't want to fight Ellis anymore. I use to drive by the house over the years and see her playing outside, but I was too afraid to disrupt her life by that point."

Derek passed back the picture, they were no early childhood pictures of Meredith in her house. Some of her after 16, even one with bright pink hair.

"Last time I was here I ran into a Dr. O'Malley, he said he was her roommate, he said some very nice things about Meredith, It sounds like she grew up OK without a father."

"Sorry to disappoint you Mr. Grey, but no one grows up okay without a father," Derek stood up. In that instant Derek knew he would stand by Meredith with the pregnancy, he would hold in his own feelings and stand by Meredith and his child no matter what.

"When your daughter is feeling better I'll tell her you stopped by."

"Take care of her," Thatcher said as Derek walked away.

Derek went straight to Meredith's room. Christina was sitting with her. Meredith looked upset, very upset. "What's wrong," Derek asked.

Christina looked up at him, "The Police were here, it was Finn," she said.

Derek sat down next to Meredith. "I'm so sorry Meredith. I should have been here."

"The Chief and Christina were...it's okay...I sure know how to pick men don't I."

Derek reached his hand up, "Shhh Meredith, it' going to be OK, I promise, no one is ever go to hurt you again."

"Promise?" She asked.

"Promise."


	28. Confessions

**28 - Confessions**

"I feel fine," Meredith whined as Derek did her exam three days after she woke up.

"You're not fine, you can barely move from the broken ribs, and your shoulder is still swollen, so do not tell me your fine," Derek said closing her chart.

"Ok, my head feels fine, is that better?" she said with an exasperated sigh.

"No dizziness, fuzziness, nausea?" he asked.

"No dizziness, and all fuzziness is gone, and well I'm still nauseous, but that may have something to do with being 6 weeks pregnant."

"You interns make the worse patient, but at least you're not trying to do rounds in your housecoat," Derek said with a small grin.

"Ha, ha I put my dignity before my career, plus no one needs to see me in my penguin housecoat, only George and Izzie get the pleasure," Derek looked over at her, "Well I guess you too, but then again I think Callie has seen me in it, and maybe Alex, but not for the same reasons you use to see me in it, and I'm babbling."

"Your babbling," he agreed.

"Izzie says my next ultrasound is tomorrow at 10, can you make it?"

"Ten, I will do my best." he turned his back to the counter to make notes on her chart.

"You know I can do this alone, I don't need you for this baby," she said in a low whisper, Derek turned and looked at her.

"What?"

"Well we really haven't talked about it yet, and I would understand if you wanted to walk away, I, and I mean me Izzie and George have talked about the possibility."

"You want to raise this baby alone, with Izzie and O'Malley?"

"No, I don't want to, but I could is all I'm saying."

He stood eye to eye with her, his hands on either side of her thighs, "Meredith the only reason I am not talking about it is the fact that we do not know anything yet, I am worried about you, getting attached and then finding out things went wrong."

"I'm already attached Derek, I was attached the moment the stick turned blue at the trailer."

"The trailer, you did the test in my trailer?" he pulled away.

"Yes, sorry forgot to mention that," she said with a small guilty look, "I just didn't know where to go to do it, and Mark suggested his hotel, but I had the key and well, now you know."

"Mark was there, in my trailer, you did the test at my trailer with Mark there?"

"Ya I did, he kept going on and on about how small it was, does he always get on a point like that, because it's annoying, like when I puked on his shoe, I never heard the end of it until he bought new shoes."

"You puked on his shoes too? You Mark have history now."

"Derek, please you were away, and we just started hanging out."

"Was he there when you and my ex-wife did Tequila shots?" Derek asked, not looking amused.

"You heard about that did you, I found my panties! Your wife had them."

"Ok, anything else happen I should know about?"

"Ummm, well..." she hesitated.

"What?" Derek asked.

"The reason I puked on Marks shoe, was he kissed me."

"What!"

"He was doing some kind of test, to see if I was really in love with you."

"He kissed you, that bastard, I knew I couldn't trust him."

Meredith reached out for his arm. "Derek relaxed, did you hear me it was a test, and I puked on him."

"You puked on him," Derek started to laugh, "That's funny, I got to admit you've never puked on me."

"See no more secrets," she said with a smile.

"You father was he the other day, I should have told you sooner."

"My father, like in Thatcher Grey."

"Do you have another father?" he asked.

"No just him, what did he want?"

"To see if your okay, I guess he read an article in the paper about it."

"Oh, so what did you tell him?" she asked looking down at the floor.

"That the surgery went well, and that I love you."

She looked up at Derek, "Oh...ummm you know the night that I...well that me and George, well that night I had gone and seen my dad for the first time ever, I hadn't seen him since I was 4."

"It's okay Mer, you don't need to explain things to me anymore."

"I just don't want something stupid hanging between us."

"Mer I am in this for the long haul, do you get that I love you?"

"Maybe I'm waiting for something bad to happen like it always does."

Derek leaned over and kissed her lips. "What ever happens we will get through it. Well I should get you back to your room, I was going to run to the trailer, did you want me to bring you anything?"

"A Cheeseburger, like something bad, like Jack-in-the-Box."

"Cheeseburger?"

"Cheeseburger."

"Your wish is my command." He said as he offered his hand to help her down from the exam table.

* * *

"What was that the other day in Grey's room?" Alex asked Izzie at her locker.

"What was what?" she asked innocently as she turned around to look at him, her usual brown eyes had a cold edge to them.

"You know, the attitude," he cocked his head to the side, and gave her a hard look.

"My attitude hasn't changed one bit," she said as she grabbed her stethoscope, "but maybe if you were around you would have noticed that."

"Your mad because I'm not around?" he asked, in bewilderment.

"No."

"Hey, you're the one that told me you never wanted to see me again. So what I'm suppose to do the opposite of everything you say."

Izzie shut her locker door. "Well usually when someone tells you they love you," she said with a tight grin, "they just don't abandon you right afterwards." She hissed loudly and walked away.

"I was doing what you told me to do!" he yelled after her.

Alex was still shaking his head when he joined Mark on the Plastics floor. "Where's my coffee Karev?" Mark asked when Alex joined him empty handed.

"Dude, sorry, I'll be right back, my head was else where." Alex stormed off, he hated to admit that he liked working with the Gyno-Beast more then with her boy-toy, at least he never had to fetch her coffee.

"Double Capacino, bone dry," Alex ordered at the coffee cart.

"I see you are putting your surgical skills to use, fetching Dr. Sloan coffee." Addison said from the other side of the cart.

"I'm getting good at it," Alex said with a fake smile. The attendent passed Alex the drink. He walked over to where Addison stood, stirring her tea.

"Dr. Sloan doesn't deal well with people, well he does as long as it's an attractive female. Do you miss working with me yet?"

"No," Alex lied. He had learned a hell of a lot from her, but he was not about to admit it.

"You know you still have a few months before you have to pick your specialty, it doesn't have to be plastics Alex. Dr. Shepherd was undeceive right down to the last second, he was considering Cardiotharsic."

"Neo Natal over plastics, come on." Alex said.

"Dr. Karev you bring a fresh approach to the field, there are not a lot of men in it, you showed so much promise when that baby came in from the Highschool, you took over so naturally." She placed the lid on her tea.

"Thanks, but I can't, plus working with Izzie," he looked at Addison, "You're a chick."

"Yes I'm a chick," she said confused.

"Ok so your a womanly woman, why do you say things and expect the exact opposite?" Alex asked.

"Problems with Stephens?"

"I do a dumb ass thing and tell her that I love her just after Denny died, and she tells me to stay away from her and that she never wants to see me again, and now shes mad at me because I've stayed away, that's messed right."

"Well I don't think you need me to tell you how stupid it was to tell her your feelings at that point, but she was obviously very emotional at the time, and for some unexplained reason when we're emotional we say things that we don't mean, I don't know why, we just do."

"That didn't help."

"Sorry, but all I can say is if you truly love her, give her sometime, but don't isolate yourself from her either, do what you did before, hang out with the other interns, go to Joes with them, whatever, be there all you have to do is be there."

"For what it's worth you know that you are to good for both of them." Alex said.

"I don't think that's appropriate Karev, but thank you."

Alex nodded and walked away with Marks Cappuccino in hand.


	29. Wouldn't Want It Any Other Way

**Chapter 29-Wouldn't Want It Any Other Way**

"Do you want us to wait a little longer?" Izzie asked as her and Addison set up for the ultrasound.

Meredith shook her head. "No, that's okay, something must have come up, lets just do this."

Addison turned and looked at a very scared and nervous Meredith. She silently cursed Derek. She had seriously hoped that Derek had changed, from when they were married, but it looked like he was still absently as he was back in New York.

"Lay back then," Izzie said to Meredith. Meredith laid back as Izzie arranged the sheet around her.

Meredith had to wonder if she had miss something. Derek had promised her he would stand by her and the baby but not even coming to see if the baby was alive that spoke volumes. He was very sweet the night before, bringing her the cheeseburger like she wanted and then staying with her until she fell asleep. Even that morning he had come into the room while Meredith was having morning sickness in the bathroom. He had knocked on the door, "Meredith are you okay?" he had asked through the door.

"Fine, I'm fine, I'll be out in a second." When she had emerged a worried faced Derek stood d up and came over to her side.

"Are you sure your okay."

"It's just morning sickness," she snapped, "Sorry but that cheeseburger wasn't so good coming back up."

He helped her onto the bed and tucked the covers around her. "I got surgery till 9:00, but do you need anything before I go?"

"Green tea and crackers?"

"Sure," he gave a small smile and left to get her request.

When he came back,she reminded him about the ultrasound. "Like I said I have surgery until 9, so I'll meet you up there at 10."

"Okay." She said.

He kissed her forehead and left.

Now it was quarter after ten and he was still not there. Addison was giving her an odd look and Izzie looked sad too, great pity, just what she needed. "This is going to be cold," Addison said as she walked over with the Ultrasound gel, but just then the exam room door opened, and an out of breath Derek slipped in.

"Sorry, my surgery went longer then anticipated, so where are we?"

"Just about to start," Izzie said with a small grin.

"You made it," Meredith said looking up at him.

He brushed some hair back from her face and smiled, "I made it."

Derek reached out for Meredith's hand as Addison applied the gel. "Oh god, that stuff is cold, now I feel bad for patients."

The monitor was pointed towards Addison and Izzie, Izzie pulled out the paddles and gently placed them on Meredith's flat belly. After a moment Addison turned the screen towards Derek and Meredith. "There's the baby," she said pointing towards a peanut shape. "Now lets find the heartbeat."

Time stood still as Izzie went looking for the heartbeat. Addison looked over to Meredith and Derek. There were tears in both there eyes. Addison's heart started to break, she had done hundreds of these, but she had never been so close emotionally to it. When she was about to give her condolences the room filled with the sound of the heartbeat. "There it is," Izzie yelled out in glee. Addison looked back to Meredith and Derek. This time Derek was crying, he looked up and the eyes met, and for the first time since she came to Seattle she saw true happiness in his eyes.

"It's not much but do you want a picture of the ultrasound?"

"Yes," Meredith said immediately.

Derek nodded, he brushed the tears that were still on his face away and kissed Meredith's head, "I love you," he whispered into her ear. He looked up to see if Addison had heard him, he had never said that to Meredith in front of her before. For the second time their eyes met, and he really wasn't sure what he saw in their green depths.

Izzie came over with a couple copies of the ultrasound, and handed them to Meredith and Derek.

"There you go," she said with a large grin.

On top instead of Grey/Shepherd or Shepherd/Grey, it read Baby McDreamy. They both laughed,

"I couldn't help myself," she said.

"Dr. Stephens?" Addison said with a lift of her perfect eyebrow.

"The one for the file says Grey Shepherd, this is just for them."

"OK, I'll let this one pass."

"Thank you."

Derek took Meredith back down to her room. "You know I can walk." she said as he pushed her in the wheel chair.

"No, you can't."

"You're being stubborn," she sighed.

"So are you."

"When can I go home, or more specific when can I go home, and come back for work?" Meredith asked Derek as he wheeled her onto the elevator.

"I have to talk to the chief and Bailey first." Derek said, he pressed floor 3.

"No, I just want to get back to the way things were."

"That's not going to happen, your face stitches are coming out today and I'm hoping to take the staples out on Tuesday, and you should be able to go home then."

"What about coming back to work?"

"Well you not only need my clearance, you need Dr. Torres for your ribs and shoulder, and I also want an OBGYN to clear you." The elevator doors opened and he wheeled her out onto her floor.

"Seriously? So what another three weeks or more?"

"Yup, afraid so."

"You suck right now."

"Excuse me, I what?"

"You heard me." Derek wheeled her into the small room.

"Here I was going to take you for lunch downstairs, so you could get some air, and maybe see your friends," he knelt down in front of her chair, and swept some hair from her face.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. I have some paper work to finish up from my surgery but I will be back for one."

He helped her up into the bed. "Can you put my picture on the night stand."

He smiled, "Yes I'll put baby McDreamy right where you can see him."

"Him?"

"McDreamy equals boy," Derek sat down on the edge of the bed.

"It could be a girl?"

"I know, for now, I'm calling the baby him, okay?"

"Do you want to know?" Meredith asked.

"Know what?"

"The sex, like do you want to find out before the it's born."

"Do you?"

"Sure, then I know how to decorate and stuff. pick out names."

"Then well find out when we can," he said with a big smile.

"I'm sorry Derek, It's all sinking in, I'm havin' a baby."

"Not just any baby, my baby," he leaned over and kissed her on the lips. "I'll see you at one."

"Bye," she said with a happy smile.

Derek was still smiling when he pressed the elevator button. He didn't know how exactly he had changed his mind about the baby, but when they couldn't find the heartbeat, his heart felt like it was breaking. When he heard the heartbeat he could honestly say it was the happiest moment in his life. He was finally going to be a father. It didn't even phase him that Addison was the sole occupant of the elevator when he stepped on.

"You're happy?" was all she said.

"I am, I really am, and nothing you could say at this point could upset me."

"You really love her?"

"Yes, yes I do, and to let you know, if it wasn't for her, I would have fought you more, during the divorce."

"I know."

Derek pressed the stop button, "Thank you for everything you've done for Meredith, but beyond that there are things I will never forgive you for."

"What?"

"I know you and Mark lived together after I moved out here."

"How, you never said anything?"

"It didn't really matter, I told Frank, but he said because it never came from you and the fact that I took you back was shown as an act of forgiveness, so if we went to court it would be useless."

"Oh, OK. While we're here, I need to ask you what you want to do with the stuff at the Brownstone and the Hampton's?"

"There's nothing personal at the Hampton's, we closed the house down before it happen."

"Right, what about the brownstone, I was thinking about going next weekend to get my stuff, and my half of the furniture, I got a condo."

"Oh you and Mark bought a condo?"

"No, I am sub letting a condo from Dr. Stephens, it was Denny Duquette's he left it to her."

"You can have it all, I just want the entire contents of my office, couch, chair, desk, books, cds, everything. I'll call Janice and see if I can store it in the barn, just let me know when, and maybe Laurie can do the shipping for me."

"Actually I was thinking Laurie could do both sales, she did Mark's pretty fast."

"Laurie was Mark's realtor?"

"Have you even talked to your family?"

"I called mom a few weeks ago and told her, and you know this really is none of your business anymore." Derek pulled the stop button out and the elevator jerked to life.

"Fine, whatever, just get Laurie to call me, and I'll take care of the rest." The elevator doors opened and Addison stormed out.

* * *

"You look so bored." Mark exclaimed as he walked into Meredith's room.

"You have no clue, I haven't seen you too much lately?"

"Work, keeps me busy, so you ready to get those stitches out?"

"Oh my god, you have no clue how much, they itch."

"They're healing."

"So, I'm just saying."

Mark grabbed a wheelchair, "Your chariot awaits."

"Do I really have to be wheeled around in that."

"Yes you do. So get your skinny ass over here."

"I take offense to that," Meredith said as she sat in the chair. "Oh wait," she got up and grabbed the ultra sound picture. "Look."

"I heard, congrats, you still going to have a baby."

She smiled and placed the picture back. "I'm going to be a mother."

"You sound happier then when you first found out, I guess that means Derek's happy."

"He is."

"Good."

* * *

When Derek came to collect Meredith for lunch, she was sitting in the wheelchair. She had pulled her hair into a clip so that it covered the shaved patch on the side. She had changed into a clean shirt and a pair of tight jogging pants. "You look good," he knelt down and held her head up, "Scars aren't to bad, I have to say the asshole did a good job."

"It's what he does for a living."

"I really don't want to talk about Mark, I want to take my girl for lunch."

He wheeled Meredith up to an empty table. "So do you know what you want for lunch yet?"

"Soup is fine, but crackers, lots of them."

"OK, I'll be back with your soup."

George was the first one to sit down with her, "Hey Dr. Shepherd said he was letting you out on parole."

"I think he realized how much I hate being stuck in that room, epically seeing how he's keeping me in here until Tuesday."

"Seriously, Tuesday."

"What's Tuesday Bambi?" Christina said as she sat down next to Meredith.

"Shepherds keeping her in until then."

"Oh my god, they removed one of my ovaries and flopian tube and I only had to stay a few days, that sucks."

"That's what I said, I told him he sucked," Meredith said with a slight shrug.

"McDreamy must have loved that," Christina said with a chuckle.

"What did I love," Derek said placing a tray with soup and 5 packages of crackers in front of Meredith.

"That I told you that you suck."

"Didn't love it," he said sitting on the other side of Meredith. He grabbed his salad off the tray.

"Hey you," Alex greeted as he sat down. "Where's Iz?"

"She's coming, why you actually going to stay this time?" Christina asked.

"Sure, of course," Alex furrowed his eyebrows at her.

"Meredith, that's not soup anymore, thats soggy crackers," Derek said looking away from the interns and back to Meredith and her lunch.

"What, even when I'm not pregnant I like it like this."

"Oh ya, I heard, everything is good," George said looking at Derek and Meredith.

"I forgot my ultrasound, do you have yours?" she asked Derek.

He pulled it out of his lab coat pocket and passed it to George. "Wow, look at that. Did Izzie do that, Baby McDreamy?"

Christina snatched it out of George's hand, "Now that's funny. Wow Mer you have little Alien in you."

"No I don't, don't call my baby an Alien."

Christina shrugged and passed the picture over to Alex. "Cool, so is Izzie going to deliver or is the she-shepherd," he looked over at Derek, "Sorry Dr. Montgomery."

"I'm hoping for Izzie," she said with a smile.

Alex passed the ultrasound back to Derek. "I see you guys have seen the baby," Izzie gushed as she sat down. "This is so cool, a baby in the house, I love babies."

"Oh ya, three first year residents that work 100 hour weeks and a baby, thats going to be fun," Christina said.

"Have you two decided about living arrangements yet?" Alex asked.

Meredith looked blankly at Derek, "We haven't talked about it."

Derek reached out and grabbed Meredith's hand. "Is it OK with you two, if we wait till Mer gets home to discuss that. Me and her should really talk about it alone."

"OK," Izzie said opening her lunch. She opened one plastic container and passed Meredith a Chocolate cupcake.

"Oh my god, you were baking again?" Meredith asked.

"Just a little, and I thought you or the baby might like it."

"Thank you," Meredith reached out for the cupcake with her good arm, loosing all interest in the remainder of her soup.

"Your eating that?" Derek asked.

"I have been eating hospital food for days, I deserve chocolate," she took a big bite.

"Fine, but when it makes a repeat performance don't blame me," he went back to his salad.

"I won't," she said wiping the chocolate from around her mouth, and then drinking some of her water.

"Yes you will, it's what pregnant women do, I've seen all my sisters go through it."

"You only brought one for Meredith?" Alex asked.

"No, but I ate mine already," she said with a smile.

"I'm not leaving," he said.

"I didn't ask you too."

"Good," Alex said.

"Good," Izzie repeated.


	30. Fairy Tails & Castles

_AN/ Sorry about the lapse in my writing, the last few months have been crazy. But to let you know I am not writing tremor-gate into the story line, just because that was so emotional for most people, some things from the show I may add now and again, or change to suit my story line, I haven't decided to weather or not to add George's dad getting sick..._

**30- Fairy Tails And Castles**

Meredith was standing packing her duffle bag on the day that she was being discharged. Derek was suppose to come and take her home at anytime. They had been living in a bubble since they found out the baby was fine, a bright and shiny bubble, where neither spoke of the past or their future. Meredith was scared that the bubble would turn dark and twisty again once they left the hospital. She did see the looks from the nurses and other doctors when Derek would take her down to the cafeteria for lunch, but some how they were easy to ignore in her new found bright and shiny bubble.

Her days had been filled with visits from her friends. They all had been pretty great about everything. Izzie had boughten her some pregnancy books, Derek had gotten a chuckle at "Pregnancy for Dummies" and "Motherhood for Dummies", but was put in his place when Izzie had given him his copy of "Fatherhood for Dummies".

Christina was her usual self and most of their time together was spent discussing Burke's descent into Mcwife as Christina had now named him, but she perked up the last few days when she found out Burke would be returning to work that week.

George was either present with Izzie or came for a game of Gin. He changed the subject whenever Meredith had boughten up Callie's name, so she had guessed they were having problems. That morning Meredith had an appointment with Callie, and she seemed anxious when Meredith had mentioned George. She had been in Callie's spot before and new what it was like to tell a man that you love him, to put yourself out there, and then to be left hanging.

Alex usually spent his time bitching about being Sloan's gofer or filling Meredith in with all the hospital gossip, well the gossip that didn't include her, Derek, or Addison. He avoided any subjects to do with Izzie as well.

Meredith had to admit she enjoyed her time with Sloan. He had taught her to play Texas Hold 'Em Poker, and he even admitted she played pretty good. She even had won $50.00 off of him, but he had claimed he let her win, seeing how she was the patient and he was the doctor. He would also tell her stories of him and Derek when they were younger, and according to Mark, Derek was a good black jack player.

She had a few other visitors during her stay. Bailey would check on her every so often, and even told her that being a mother and resident would not be easy, and that Meredith might have to fight to not get mommied tracked. The Chief had seen her twice, he was nervous both times. He had reassured her that he told them at her Mothers home what had happened, but that her mother still didn't know, and that would be Meredith's call to tell her, but he also told her they had counselors there that might be able to help her tell Ellis that she was going to be a Grandmother.

Meredith was so lost in her thoughts that she jumped a little when she heard Derek ask, "Hey you ready?"

She turned and found him leaning against the door jam in typical Derek fashion. Meredith smiled at him, "Yup, all done." She went to grab the bag with her good arm.

"No you don't," he grabbed it out of her hands.

"Derek," she protested.

"Hey I'm your doctor and as your doctor I'm telling you , that you are not aloud to put any strain on your body."

"You're not my doctor when we leave this hospital," she said with a slight smile.

"You're right, so I'll just keep you in here until you're 100 better," he said with a smirk.

"You can't, you wouldn't?"

"Try me."

"Fine carry the damn bag," she said as she walked out of the room.

"Hey, I'm letting you walk so be thankful for that."

"Whatever." she sighed.

"So we still haven't discussed living arrangements." Derek stated as they waited by the elevator.

"I know. I was putting it off," she said as the elevator door opened and they got on.

"Why?" Derek asked as he pressed floor 1.

"Because us talking about where were going to live is going to lead to dark and twisty subjects, and I don't want to be dark and twisty again," Meredith said as the elevator doors opened and they both stepped into it.

"How is us living together going to become dark and twisty?"

Meredith rolled her eyes, "Because it's my mothers house, and I don't want to sell it and I can't kick George and Izzie out either," she turned to look at Derek.

"I know I've been thinking about that, and I understand all of that Mer," Derek said with a small grin. "You do want us to be together, a real couple, and not just for the baby?"

"See dark and twisty!" she exclaimed as they stepped off of the elevator.

"Yes or no," he asked, with a slight tilt of his head, just before they reached the front doors.

"Yes, do you?"

"I thought I have made myself clear on that fact Meredith Grey. I am hopelessly in love with you, even when your dark and twisty," he said picking up her hand and they started to walk outside. "I wanted to let you know I've been talking to some architects and if we can decide on a design this week we could be breaking ground in two months, and if things go well we could be moving in before the 1st of March."

"You have been thinking about this," Meredith said to Derek as they got in the car. "So what I keep renting the house to Izzie and George?"

"Even if they move out, you could keep interns renting there, it's a great investment."

"So until then, what?" she asked.

Derek took a deep breath, "I don't expect to pick up where we left off Mer, we started this thing without knowing each other, the good, the bad, the wife, I really want you to get to know the real me. I know I hurt you and if I could change that I would, but we can't go back to the beginning either."

Meredith nodded her head in agreement. Everything he was saying was true, but she couldn't ignore a tiny knot of dread in her stomach. She took a small breath and looked at Derek as spoke, "We are having a baby, and I want to go as slow as we need to, as you need to, but I think under the circumstance toothbrushes and keys aren't asking too much."

"I still have your key, and you don't want to know what I did with the toothbrush you did leave at the house," she said with a little smirk.

He laughed, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "Probably not."

The drove in silence for a few minutes, Meredith had seen the OBGYN that afternoon, and she desperately wanted to talk to Derek about sex, but she wasn't sure how. She hated that she didn't know how to talk to him all the time, she once did, when they were first together, and even in the brief period when they were "friends".

"So ummm Derek," she said hesitantly.

"Yes Mer?" he looked over at her for a second.

"Well ummm," she could feel her cheeks turning red, so she took a deep breath. "We're going to...well one day, eventually, we are going to have sex again, right?"

"What?"

"Sex, that thing we did, that made the baby, were going to do that again right, eventually?"

"I hope so," he said.

"I met with the OBGYN, that Addison recommended today."

"Everything OK?"

"Great, good," she said with a nod of her head, "Just she took my blood pressure, my weight, all the basics, but she said I should wait a bit before I have, well we have...sex, just to be on the safe side."

"Did you think I was going to be upset by that?"

"No, maybe, disappointed maybe, I just know last time sex played a big role in our relationship, so if it was a few weeks you wouldn't be mad?"

"Seriously?" Derek asked looking back over at her, "You're cute when you're dark and twisty."

"Can't you be serious for a second?"

"Fine, I can be all serious, I'm going into Neurosurgeon mode," he made a face that looked like he was thinking, "Ok, I'm all serious now."

"Derek."

"Meredith I love you, I don't know how many times I can say it."

"Is love enough Derek?"

Derek felt his stomach tighten, Bonnie's dying words echoed in his mind _"Tell him that if love were enough that I'd still be here with him." When Derek had told Danny, Bonnie's fiance those words, Derek had really been trying to tell Meredith those exact words himself, he remembered looking at Meredith at the nurses station, knowing she could hear him, he looked at Danny, but in his heart it was Meredith he was talking to, "She asked me..ah...to tell you that … that she wanted you to know, that if love were enough … that if love were enough that she'd still be here with you."_ At the time that was how Derek was feeling, it was the first time that he acknowledge to himself that he loved Meredith, but some part of him knew that he owed it to Addison to try, it wouldn't have been fair to Meredith to spend the rest of their lives wondering, what if.

"I chose wrong Mer, I thought I had done the right thing, but that night when I chose Addison I lost something, it was my heart, you had it. For us, right now, there's a lot more then just love, and I'm just not talking about the baby."

Meredith wiped the tears that were running down her face, "I love you Derek, you're just the only person I have ever said that too, and it still scares me."

"You still don't trust me not to hurt you again?" he asked as he pulled up in front of Meredith's house.

"No, " she said quickly, "Well at least I don't think so."

"Well I'm going to promise you that I will do everything in my control not to hurt you," he leaned over a kissed he softly, running his thumb down over her chin.

"OK," she said, "OK."

Meredith unlocked the door and let her and Derek in. She stood at the doorway for a moment. "Whats wrong?" Derek asked.

"Feels like I haven't been home in forever, and it's quiet, too quiet." She moved into the hallway.

"Well it's only 4, Izzie and George are on until 6. Do you want this in your room?" He asked holding up her bag.

"Please," she said, turning back to Derek. She watched him run up the stairs, and smiled. Meredith walked into the kitchen. Nothing had changed, but at the same time everything felt different. Last time she stood in the kitchen no one but Sloan knew about the baby, and now everyone knew. In that very instant she realized her life would never be the same again.

"So what do you want to do?" Derek asked, coming up behind her.

"This is weird isn't it?" Meredith asked as she turned to look at him.

"Well last time we were a couple, we'd be having sex if we had the house empty."

She laughed, "I guess you were right about getting to know each other."

"I'm always right," he said with a smile.

* * *

"So Meredith's home tonight?" George told Callie when he saw her at the nurses station. 

"What? I know I'm one of her Doctors O'Malley."

"Oh yeah, well Izzie baked a cake and we going to get pizza, one has to be healthy because Shepherd's the health nut, and I thought, you know," he leaned on the Nurse's station and looked at Callie with one of his best puppy dog faces.

Callie shook her head and snapped closed the file that was in her hand. "You thought that I would want to spend my night off with your roommates and McDreamy?"

"Well yeah," he straighten up, realizing that Callie was not happy with him.

She closed her large brown eyes for a moment and let out a huge sigh, "You just don't get it do you George?" She asked as she walked around the desk to stand in front of George.

"Get what?"

"First I tell you I love you, almost two months ago, and you didn't say it back, and then I need a place to live and you don't even offer me your couch until I could find a place."

"I told you I wasn't ready to move in together and it's not my house, Mer was in the hospital."

"All I'm hearing are excuses George. Are you still in love with Meredith, is that what it is?" Callie asked, not knowing what else was holding him back from her.

"What, no. No. No, she's my family, both her and Iz, I've told you this before."

"Then what's holding you back?"

"You," George snapped at her, "You're holding me back, why does everything with you have to be warp speed with you?"

Callie stood for a moment, not sure what to say to him. All she could manage to say was, "Don't bother George," she turned and walked away from him.

"Callie," George called after her, but she kept walking and didn't look back.

* * *

Izzie walked into the Surgical locker room for the first time since she cleaned out her locker and moved upstairs. She missed the time spent with her friends and other interns. 

"You almost ready?" she asked George as he grabbed his boots from his locker and sat down to put them on.

"I will be in a moment."

"Is Callie coming?" Izzie asked as she leaned against a closed locker. She tried to read George, but he wasn't giving her anything lately, she knew him and Callie were having issues, but she had no idea about what. He seemed distant with her since Denny died, there was some kind of barrier to their friendship and she wasn't sure how to get past it.

"No," was all George said.

"That's OK, more Chocolate cake for us then, I hid it in the garage, she won't find it in there, and I told Dr. Shepherd to keep away from there just in case."

Just then Alex walked into the locker room, he smiled when he saw Izzie. "So Mer went home today."

"Yup," Izzie said with a slight shrug.

"I bet she's glad to be out of here, I think she was going a little stir crazy," he said as he opened his locker door.

"Yup," Izzie said again.

"So Iz, how's Dr. Montgomery been with all of it, the baby?"

"Why you asking me? Your idol is her boyfriend," she said with a roll of her eyes.

Alex gave a little shrug and then titled his head slightly, "You work with her, and I thought you two were gal pals now, and she's going to be renting your condo."

"You know about that?"

"People talk, I listen," he grabbed an apple out of his locker.

"She's taking it a lot better then most women would."

"Cool."

"You miss the vagina squad or something?" Izzie asked, not sure why Alex was taking any interest in Addison.

"No, no, it's just she never made me get her dry cleaning," he said with a crocked smile as he shut his locker.

"Oh," Izzie said, not knowing what to say. She was trying to wrap her brain around Alex. Most of the time he confused her on the best of days, but lately he had been almost attentive, like he was before Denny. She knew she had hurt Alex when she stopped sleeping with him, but she hadn't really understood how much until he told her he loved her, even then she was too much in shock to realize how much courage it had taken Alex to say those words to her, to anyone.

"Well it's not to late to come to the dark side Alex."

He laughed slightly, "I know, but I'll catch up with you later, I'm on call with the crack-whore, so yeah say Hi to Mer," he said with a smile and left the locker room.

"What's with him, he seemed almost human?"

"I know," Izzie said with a shake of her blonde hair. She looked to George, "Let's go get Pizza."

* * *

Izzie couldn't help but smile when she walked into the living room and found Meredith and Derek cuddling on the couch. Derek had his back against the arm and Meredith sat between his legs, reclining her back against his chest. They were looking at papers and laughing. "Welcome home," Izzie said. 

Meredith gave a giant smile, "I can't believe how happy I am to be out of that hospital room."

George came in behind Izzie, "Pizza," he sang out as he placed two large Pizza boxes onto the table he then walked into the kitchen.

"So what have you two been doing?" Izzie asked sitting on her chair and flipping open a pizza boxed. She saw a discarded house drawing and picked it up, "Your moving," she said in semi-shock and then gave a nervous laugh, "Of course your moving, and selling the house, and I rented out my condo to your ex wife, and now I'm homeless. Seriously I'm going to live in a box!"

George walked in that moment and snatched the drawing out of Izzie's hands one of the drawings up when he came in. "You're building, so is Izzie right, am I living in a box with her?"

"No, guys, slow down," Meredith exclaimed as Derek slowly sat her up so she wouldn't be in discomfort. "Iz, George. Derek's building a house, for us and the baby, but I'm not selling the house, you guys can live here as long as you want, and even get a new roommate."

"The house wont even be built until at least March," Derek said trying to help.

"The baby is due March 2nd, " Izzie said.

"Well yeah, so until then I guess well be staying here most of the time, and sometime at the trailer? Is that Okay" Meredith said looking at Derek.

"Of course, it's your house," George said grabbing a slice of pizza. "Dr. Shepherd we got a healthy one for you," George opened the box, revealing a flat crust whole wheat with Chicken, spinach and tomatoes.

"George you don't have to call me Dr. Shepherd outside of the hospital."

"You want me to call you Derek?" George asked, looking over at Izzie, who just shrugged.

"Sure why not, Izzie does?" he said as he looked at Mer and pointed back and forth between the piazza's, she nodded at the healthy one. He lifted a slice for her and put it on a napkin and passed it to her.

"OK, Derek," George said with a raise of his eyebrows.

* * *

Derek woke the next morning when he heard Izzie and George moving around the hallway. Meredith was still asleep, she had taken a light pain killer that Addison had prescribed before bed the night before. He laid there watching her sleep for a few minutes, he couldn't help but smile. She had eaten two slices of Izzie's cake before she had decided which house she had liked best. It wasn't a large house, but had four bedrooms, and stone fireplace. Neither one wanted a stereo typical Doctors house, they just wanted house where their family could live and call home. 

Derek left her sleeping and decided to join Izzie and George for breakfast. George was leaning over the coffee maker, with his cup in hand, and Izzie was making french toast.

"Morning," Izzie said brightly.

"Coffee's almost done," George mumbled.

"How did she sleep?" Izzie asked.

"Good, whatever Addison gave her did the job," Derek said as he made his way to the Cereal cupboard, but he stopped dead as he opened it, "Where's the Muesli?"

Izzie and George looked at each other, she wore a slight smile, "Mer banned it when, well when you picked Dr. Montgomery. So you get Super Bran."

Derek grabbed the blue box from the cupboard, "Super Bran," he grumbled as he grabbed a bowl from the china cabinet.

"Sorry she didn't want anything around that reminded her of you," George said.

"You tow were waiting for me to go for the cereal, weren't you?"

"Yes," George said with a sheepish smile.

* * *

Derek leaned over the bed, "Mer," he whispered as he brushed some hair from her face. 

She moaned slightly as her eyes fluttered open, "Hey there beautiful."

"What time is it?"

"After 5:30, I got to go get a change of clothes from the trailer, and then work, call me if you need anything," he bent down and kissed her cheek.

"OK," she said in her husky morning voice. Then promplty closing her eyes and falling back to sleep.

_-A/N I hope it wasn't too fluffy!!!!_


End file.
